Damaged Goods (Remastered Edition)
There are 23 chapters in this story. There are also a number of extra chapters that were fished out from the archives.
Remastering Project
With the discovery of the original threads that Sarafan transcribed the story from, we can fill in the blanks as to exactly who and what Nurse-kun was replying to. These had previously been omitted, due to Wikichan's mad rush to winnow out the story from the trolling.
These chapters are exclusive to this wiki, pulled directly from Wikichan or the original threads, and not found on Shii's or ED.
The original threads all have important posts and recovered replies attached. Newly recovered threads have a NEW! tag on them.
Format
Each chapter of Damaged Goods is divided into two sections; Nurse-kun's recollection of the story, and discussion from the anons, which influence Nurse-kun's actions and reveal more information about the events that transpired.
Anything with [this tag] is a fixed spelling error. Notes from the Editors will appear as follows
Notes
We have attempted to stay as close to the original text as possible, abstaining from tampering with or whitewashing the story. However, because of 4chan's non-linear thought process, we've rearranged and combined some comments so readers can process certain events one at a time.
Chapter One - Byouin Otoko
On December 16th, an anon posted a thread. The anon was working in a hospital with indisposed people, and there was a new patient which he had come to realize would make an interesting story for Anonymous. The girl was 6 years old, was shockingly beautiful, and had lost three limbs in a car accident. Convinced that /b/ would tell him to rape her anyway, the anon cynically posted a thread asking whether he should do so.
The thread got a lot of suitably amused posts, but just as many other anons wanted to know the details, so he began supplying them. Anonymous also gave suggestions of things he might actually do to be nice to her, but the anon knew that to be affectionate was to risk his job.
This time, at least a large minority of the /b/tards wanted more than pooper jokes, attempting to convince him to show her some actual compassion. As anger arose over his controversial first post, the anon, surprised by this outpouring of sympathy from even the worst of the worst, realized he had to summon up his courage, get off of /b/, and take their advice.
And thus the anon was dubbed Nurse-kun, the girl became Amputee-chan, and the saga began.
Chapter Two - Covert Ops
Without the approval of anyone on staff or the legal team, Nurse-kun snuck into Amputee-chan's room at 1AM to present her with a teddy bear and a Christmasy chocolate orange. He instructed her to keep it secret from the rest of the nurses.
- Chapter 2 Thread B - NEW! As transcribed from the original thread, /b/ splits in two camps and attempts to understand the shadowy anon known as Nurse-kun. A great read for understanding what went on in Nurse-kun's mind at the time.
- Chapter 2 Thread C - NEW! The first fanart comes in, Nurse-Kun provides some info as to exactly what the two look like.
Chapter Three - Full Disclosure
Nurse-kun went to the hospital on his day off to discuss his plans with the other nurses, the psychiatrist, and the administrator. Everyone grudgingly approved, admonishing Nurse-kun to make sure he didn't let her down, or cause her mental instability to worsen.
/b/ complains about whether the story is real.
Chapter Four - The Nightmare Before Christmas: Part 1
Nurse-kun slipped into Amputee-chan's room at 3AM when he heard her crying. She had been having another nightmare about the car crash that killed her parents. Despite her telling him to get out, he reached over and gave her a hug. He wrote it down in the event log, nervously awaiting what would become of him the next evening.
The initial posts of sympathy and congratulations are washed out by the regular 4chan stream of piss as /b/ mercilessly parodies his posts and gets into a huge, dramatic, hour-long argument about whether Nurse-kun is a pedophile (again).
Chapter Five - The Nightmare Before Christmas: Part 2
Nurse-kun receives a call from Amputee-chan's room and ends up comforting her from another nightmare. The other nurses say that she appears to be doing better and cooperating. The story at this point is calming down a bit.
The main complaint is that /b/ doesn't want to read daily reports, although as usual opinion is divided on this matter.
Chapter Six - Elite Beat Loli
Nurse-kun lets Amputee-chan play with his Nintendo DS. At first it doesn't look like it's going to go too well, as she used to be really good, but with her right arm missing she fails hard. Nurse-kun salvages the situation by playing left handed and demonstrating how hard he fails.
The next day he calls her social worker and makes a date to visit the storage facility where all her stuff is being kept to try to find her old DS. Chapter ends as Nurse-Kun goes off to meet the social worker and search through the stuff.
Chapter Seven - Christmas Spirit
Nurse-kun discovers Amputee-chan's Nintendo DS and games in her families' storage garage. He wrapped it all up and presented it to the poor girl. Heart-melting ensues.
This is more of a brief update than a real chapter, although one wishes Nurse-kun would have supplied more details.
The lost thread
This was thread 17857804 on /b/. It posted on Christmas Day, when /b/ had become inundated with Christmas hats over the first picture of every thread. Everyone was posting a thread to try to make funny pictures out of the hats, so the thread disappeared quickly and was not seen nor archived.
Apparently it was just to wish his readers a merry Christmas.
NEW! Chapter 7a - The End
Nurse-kun returns to /b/ in sudden shock and a drunken stupor, telling a story about how the Ampu-tan's careless extended family flipped his life upside down and took the girl, moving with her auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.
Chapter Eight - Nurse-kun Returns
First real post of the new year.
Nurse-kun reveals that he actually STUCK "IT" IN HER POOPER, explaining, in a great and somewhat disturbing level of detail, that what he actually stuck in her pooper was a suppository. (But it was totally satire. Totally.)
Chapter Nine - Nurse-kun Is Shit At Origami
Nurse-kun, in a stunning display of originality, brings an origami book and paper set to work to make mutant animals out of. This goes well.
Chapter Ten - Paper Hearts
More origami, Amputee-chan admits she's been staying up late to spend more time with Nurse-kun. Get in there my son!
Also contains a short episode involving Amputee-chan and a disgruntled WWII vet. With almost father-like praise, Nurse-kun explains that this is one loli that doesn't take shit from anyone.
Chapter Eleven - System Shock
Short discussion about Amputee-chan's eventual fate, and how the system fails to work. The origin of Nurse-kun's origami idea is revealed. Filler episode.
Chapter Twelve - Awakening a Sleeping Giant
More legal bullshit, and Amputee-chan faces disgruntled WWII vet (from Chapter 10) for a 2nd time. Nurse-kun also looks for more suggestions besides origami to use with Amputee-chan.
Chapter Thirteen (13.2) - Two Steps Forward... (Part 1)
Nurse-kun made several attempts to post this, hence 13.2 title. Nurse-kun's cousin gets info from family law friend/attorney; situation looking positive. Amputan has more frequent nightmares since Old-Dude round 2. Nurse-Kun gets permission from shrink and social-worker to proceed w/ mentoring program. awaiting ok from administrator. In other news: Amputan kicks Nurse-kun's ass in Cooking Mama.
NEW! Chapter Thirteen (13.3) - Two Steps Forward... (Part 2)
After the initial thread disappeared while Nurse-kun was making dinner, he started a second one. Here it is. Contained within is the invitation to the 2007 Amputee-chan valentines day 4chan Valentine contest. Come up with your best valentine for the 14th /b/ thread!
Chapter Fourteen - Valentines
Nurse-kun returns requesting appropriate valentines for Amputan. Lets hope she never learns the truth behind Waha...
Chapter Fifteen - Tough as Nails
Nurse-kun gives everyone an update and talks more about her situation, as well as the Waha flipbook. Apparently, /b/ did well with it. Oh, and she also beat the shit out of a paralyzed nine year old boy, but he OBVIOUSLY deserved it.
Chapter Sixteen - Day Tripper
Nurse-kun takes ampu-tan out on a trip with her social-worker. Visits the library, planetarium, and concert hall.
Chapter Seventeen - I'm Spartacus!
Similar to the incident in the Densha Otoko TV show, a fake Nurse-kun appears on the scene and makes such an obviously fake thread that he is forced to give up the hoax and pretend to leave forever. The thread is then trolled by other humorous Nurse-kun impostors. Hilarity ensues.
In a surprise twist, later chapters reveal that this "fake" Nurse-Kun was actually the real one, who got pretty cheesed off.
Chapter Eighteen - No, I'm Spartacus! (fake)
A real fake Nurse-Kun (as opposed to a fake fake Nurse-Kun, which would be the same as a real Nurse-Kun) arrives and makes some stuff up. Just like the fake fake Nurse-Kun, nobody believes him.
Chapter Nineteen - I Hate That Girl in Elite Beat Agents
The real Nurse-kun returns with shocking news. Quite possibly the most epic chapter yet.
Chapter Twenty - Pool's Closed
Ampu-tan gets into a fight at the swimming pool, being challenged by an older girl with no arms.
Also, V-Chan makes an appearance in the thread, as well as W.T. Snacks. Epic.
Chapter Twenty-One - Duet Dans L'Eau
Ampu-tan and Nurse-kun go to the hospital to check on an internal injury sustained from her original accident. Later, our pair is caught in the rain. You will shed mantears, this chapter's so heartwarming.
Chapter Twenty-Two - Maison Encore
Two threads in one, one of which was posted a while ago but ignored. Nurse-kun takes Ampu-tan home for some sweet sweet lov- err... soup. You heard it here first, folks.
Chapter Twenty-Three - Of Pokemans and Haikus
Four threads over the period of about three days. Lots of interesting little tidbits, as well as the possibility of the anonymous getting to play against our beloved amputee-chan. No new story per se, hence squishing four threads into one chapter.
NEW! ADDENUM: Finding Nurse-Kun
After the last chapter, Nurse-kun wasn't heard from on 4chan for well over a year, leaving many of his fans hanging and the story unfinished.
Why didn't Nurse-kun update anymore? Some say that something happened during the friend code swap, or that an anon found Nurse-kun and creeped him out. Others say that he died in a car crash. Maybe he just forgot, or had no time.
Gravely worried that he could have died or been V&, Anonymous attempted to find him anyway, and on the last text thread he made, they discussed to find out the truth. The results are saved in the sections below. Since 4chan text threads are never deleted, that thread spans 4 years of replies, so check it out if you're interested.
Shii thinks he was most likely afraid of being stalked by /b/. It probably wouldn't look good on the adoption papers for him to be associated with weirdos from the Internet and pooper jokes. In terms of how notorious 4chan became in 2008, it was probably a good move...
Chapter Twenty-Four - Epilogue
Nurse-kun hadn't posted on /b/ since 2 June 2007. A year later in September 2008, a thread about Warhammer for someone's sister suddenly had Nurse-kun comment on it. A few people start to remember him (not many, since Wikichan had been deleted by then), and press him to tell 4chan what happened as closure.
After giving a short account of the events that transpired, Nurse-kun gives up his tripcode for the last time, once again rejoining the shadowy masses of Anonymous, never to be seen again.
The link was reposted on the text board to offer some closure, and anons are still expressing their best wishes there to this day.
