The Uncultured Anonymous/Insults

From Bibliotheca Anonoma

About insults[edit]

If Fighting is the main course of a meal, Insulting would certainly be the appetizer. Much like fighting, there is a time and a place for insults. Also, much like lying, it may not be wise to insult anyone. Therefor, every Anon must learn to find a balance between insulting and letting things slide. Let it slide, **but you do well *never* to forget.**

Things not to mention[edit]

Insults should have no borders; neither religion or color, creed or ethnicity. There are however, a few things that you should avoid like the fucking plague.

Notable examples include:

  • Anyones mother
  • Chuck Norris
  • Simon fucking Cowell
  • Queer eye for the straight guy (Your conversation will probably be gay enough without them)
  • Famous socialist revolutions
  • French military victories
  • Anonymous cowards
  • Fight club
  • Bush

Steer clear of these and you'll eventually hit pure win. Operative word here being *eventually*.

Good insults[edit]

The best insults are ones that have validity (even if it's exaggerated). For fuck's sake, don't use "gay" as an insult when the person you're trying to insult is clearly straight. Draw attention to their homosexual tendencies instead. Do they carry a handbag? Wear tight clothing? Often make effeminate gestures? Pick on these things and exaggerate.

Racism works well, but try not to go over the top with this particular brand of insults. Just a fraction over the line and you could spark a mass beating, their target of course being you. Every race without exception has something that can be insulted. Asians have math, rice and their reproductive rate in spite of the mediocrity of their penis. Black people have watermelon, chicken, thievery... In fact, they're the easiest to insult. Mexicans of any variety have border crossings, tacos and low pay jobs. White people have rednecks, fucking up the world and minority abuse. Just sight your target and open fire.

Sometimes, eloquent language can make insults more effective. If your target isn't able to figure out that it's an insult, you've done well. Take a common insult and rephrase it so that it has the same meaning.

Insults, dissected[edit]

You probably know already what an insult is supposed to feel like. It's supposed to flood you with testosterone and shatter your opponents ego into a million pieces until there is nothing left but the shallow, empty husk that is his body. It's supposed to speak to his ever so emo fucking soul and leave him emotionally, socially and physically scarred for the rest of his natural born life. Of course, you probably don't know how to achieve this effect.

Thusly, you shall learn.

A good insult should target a somebodies sin. It can be pride, jealousy, lethargy, lust, anger, anything that invokes some kind of emotional response. Your objective is to emphasize, object to, tease, point out or break any of these until your target goes over the edge. Preferably, this is done by evoking anger, since anger is the easiest emotion to instill in a person.

If you manage to inspire anger, it will probably lead to Fighting. In this case, read up on how best to handle that situation. Just keep in mind, when physical assaults lawsuits start flying, who shot/punched/stabbed who first.

It may however be preferable to crush someone with depression rather than fill them with anger. This is commonly known as breaking someone. Think of breaking someone as kind of like nuclear fusion minus the technical jargon. You've just got to feed the flames until the angst sustains itself. Just be careful not to over-do it, as this might lead to the broken person "An%20hero" An heroing which in turn will probably lead to you getting party V&.

Your turn[edit]

Unless you had the great luck of being born deaf and blind, you're probably going to notice being insulted. Knowing you, it's going to happen a lot. But in perusing \*chan, you'll have taken the first step towards **not giving a fuck**. So some random fuck somewhere in the world isn't your best friend? Who the fuck cares? It's not like human beings aren't a dime a dozen (In certain third and second world countries, at least). Fuck Them.

If you keep true to that line of thought, you will cease to care. You will master the ability to let that which does not matter truly slide.