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| {{Greentext|>a couple of weeks go by and my uncle sits me down with the “we need to talk” look | | {{Greentext| |
| >just started a new job
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| >figure he’s going to give me a rally speech
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| >he’s a good-guy Greg, has a knack for making me feel better
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| >he tells me he took Jessica’s card from my room ...tells me he called Jessica
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| >thefuckyoudobitch.jpg
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| >get this, he told her, “Anon’s really shy, but if you get to know him, he’s really a great guy!”
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| >liesandslander.jpg
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| >worse yet, they set a dinner date for that. fucking. night.
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| >panic.exe
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| >took an hour to calm down
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| >start to think about my life
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| >haven’t had a date in...ever.
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| >fuck it, she’s blind
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| >whats the worst that can happen?
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| >Take first shower in a week
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| >put on deodorant
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| >remember hearing that blind people have super smell
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| >...put on MORE deodorant
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| >Drive shitty ford escort to the restaurant
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| >same place where she dumped ice water on me
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| >figures
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| >first contact is pretty awkward
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| >she’s even prettier than I remember
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| >5’9. DARK brown hair. 120lbs, lovely pair of Ds ...yoga pants ...dat. ASS.
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| >she’s already ordered, so I just just order the house burger
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| >she laughs
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| >Feelsbadman.jpg
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| >ask what’s funny
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| >tells me she ordered the same thing
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| >says “we already have something in common”
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| >suddenly feel that “human connection” thing
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| >it’s obviously a charity date, but she’s pretty and it feels good to smile
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| >decide to play along and enjoy the feels
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| >actually put forward some effort
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| >I try to tell some jokes
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| >Im terrible at telling jokes
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| >...she laughs anyway
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| >...kinda feel like crying
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| >Food arrives and I dig in
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| >food is always good
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| >Then I realize, she can HEAR me eating ...I feel gross
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| >swallow hard and apologize profusely
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| >she just smiles and starts wolfing down on her burger
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| >we’re not talking quick little bitch-bites with fast chewing
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| >oh no, we’re talking: jaw hinges open and half a slaughtered calf enters the gaping maw of toothy hell
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| >thisishowIdie.jpg
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| }} | | }} |
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| {{Greentext|>In pauses between mouthfuls, we start talking | | {{Greentext| |
| >start to learn a bit more about her
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| >learn she’s a foodie (likes complex and artistic foods and flavors)
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| >learn about her hometown (small town girl)
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| >learn she has a favorite color?
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| >learn she wasn’t always blind
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| >...she suddenly looks sad
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| >quickly change the subject
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| >to... me...
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| >ohshitniggawhatareyoudoing.jpg
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| >try NOT to be a loser for once
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| >tell her about my MBA... DON’T tell her it took 3 years to complete a 1-2 year degree
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| >tell her about my job... DON’T tell her I basically babysit “working” teenagers for a living
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| >Tell her about my childhood... DON’T tell her about dead parents
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| >as a last ditch, tell her about my uncle... DON’T FUCKING TELL HER ABOUT DEAD PARENTS!
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| >conversation feels good
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| >partway into the meal, she flails out and grabs my arm
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| >tells me she’s really enjoying herself
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| >Suddenly feel like crying again
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| >...the fuck is wrong with me?!
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| >Before I know it, it’s time to go
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| >toosoon.png
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| >she holds out her credit card for the waiter to take
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| >quietly swap cards for mine
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| >I’m not making a blind girl pay for my dinner
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| >Besides, I know she only came as an apology
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| >waiter returns a minute later and hands me my card
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| >quietly have him hand hers back
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| >I sign and tip on the receipt
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| >waiter has her sign the customer copy
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| >I expect her to bail and catch a ride any second to go home
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| >Instead she asks me to lead her out
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| >waiting awkwardly in the parking lot
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| >expect someone to swing around to pick her up
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| >...aany second now
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| >...she asks if I forgot where I parked
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| >realize I’m her ride hometown
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| >remember the back seat of my car is filled with garbage
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| >...probably smelly garbage
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| >...remember blind people have heightened sense of smell
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| >shitfuck.jpg
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| }} | | }} |
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| {{Greentext|>I help jessica into my car | | {{Greentext| |
| >I’m so nervous, I drop my keys ...TWICE
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| >get in, start crappy car, and start driving
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| >hot girl in car
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| >replaying date in my head, wondering how badly did I fuck this up?
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| >completely distracted
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| >go on autopilot
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| >wind up driving home to uncles house
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| >Turn car around, apologize
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| >remember Jessica is blind
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| >...explain I went on autopilot and drove to the wrong house
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| >drive away
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| >try to make small talk
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| >start talking about family ...about my DEAD FREAKING PARENTS!!!
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| >autopilot car across town to my work-place ...FUCK!
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| >apologize again ...then explain how I accdentally drove to work
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| >killme.now
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| >...realize I have no fucking clue where she lives
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| >I’ve literally been driving for thirty minutes without a destination
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| >ask her for her address
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| >go to put address in phone’s gps ...my battery’s dead
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| >ask her for directions ...immediately regret asking a blind person for directions
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| >Ask if I can borrow her phone ...she hands me a flip phone ...immediately regret asking a BLIND PERSON to borrow their PHONE!!!
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| >by this point Jessica is stifling a laugh so hard it’s leaking out of her phenomenal ass.
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| >break down laughing
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| >we laugh for a solid ten minutes
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| >Jessica finally calls a friend for help
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| >Her friend winds up giving us directions over the phone
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| >We laugh all the way back to her apartment
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| >feeling much better by the time we get there
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| >feeling good enough about things to walk her up
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| >she takes my arm and I escort her up her steps
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| >strange pause outside
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| >out of nowhere, she tells me she knows I paid ...HOW?!?
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| >she wont tell me
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| >instead she puts her hand out and touches my arm
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| >works her hand up my arm and touches my face
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| >wonder if she’s trying to “see” me ...nope
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| >once she finds my face, she stands up on her toes and gives me a little kiss on my cheek
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| >Tells me she had fun
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| >tells me not to make my uncle call next time
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| >enters her house
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| >I just stand there completely befuddled
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| >...there’s a next time?
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| }} | | }} |
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| {{Greentext|>fast forward two months | | {{Greentext| |
| >In a case of unparalleled luck, I have managed to keep Jessica entertained for nine, check ‘em, NINE consecutive dates!
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| >Despite the fact she’s totally blind, I make an effort to make myself a little more presentable
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| >join a Gym
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| >start eating better
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| >buy clothes that actually fit
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| >shower EVERY day
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| >Focus all my energy on making her happy
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| >learn a LOT about her
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| >For one, she likes to cook!
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| >For another, she has awesome taste in music!
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| >meet her friends, all of whom are pretty cool people
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| >learn how she lost her sight
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| }} | | }} |
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| all I can say is blunt force trauma when she was in her teens
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| {{Greentext|>...she wanted to be a painter
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| >She tells me it hurt for a long time
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| >in the end she chose to live with what she has
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| >she has her family
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| >her friends
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| >...and now she has me!
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| >feels good to hear that
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| >makes me feel bad for being depressed all the time
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| >still don’t feel worthy of her
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| >makes me feel like crying again
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| >tenth date rolls around
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| >she calls it our two month anniversary
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| >feelsgoodman.jpg
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| >she’s planning a nice dinner at her house
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| >food is ALWAYS good
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| >Asks me to come really early
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| >um ...okaaay?
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| }}
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| ----
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| {{Greentext|>Show up to Jessica’s house an hour early as instructed
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| >first time going inside
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| >nervous as hell and, other than food, I don’t know what she has planned
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| >swallow fear and knock
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| >she answers the door in a coat
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| >...it’s june
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| >dafuck.bat
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| >go in
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| >house smells delicious but it’s pitch black
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| >cantseeshit.jpg
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| >she DRAGS me around and pushes me onto what I assume is a couch
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| >hear shuffling cloth
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| >something hits the floor (might be dinosaur? Still cant see!)
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| >after a minute asks me what I think
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| >tell her it smells nice in here!
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| >...
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| >she realizes the lights are off
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| >”shit!”
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| >hear her walk across the room
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| >...click
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| >”better?”
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| >...”nope”
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| >”shitfuck”
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| >more walking
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| >...click
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| >lights go on
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| >she’s standing on the other side of the room ...in red see-through negligee
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| >holyfuckinghot.jpg
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| >”Can you see now?”
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| >...”nope!”
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| >I must have made her walk around her apartment trying light switches for like fifteen minutes before admitting the lights were on the whole time
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| >After she got over me ruining her surprise, we “relaxed” on her sofa
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| >still cant believe what she’s planning
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| >tells me we have an hour before dinner will be ready
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| >I’m nervous as hell
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| >she looks incredible
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| >smells amazing
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| >and feels... [HNNNG!]
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| >I am not good enough for her
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| >want to tell her she’s too good for me
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| >want to say she deserves so much more than I can EVER give her
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| >want to admit ...I’m a virgin
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| >she starts murmuring in a sultry voice
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| >says she’s been looking forward to this for weeks
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| >...I say nothing
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| >she stands up and pulls me to my feet
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| >slowly leads me to her bedroom
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| >...I do not deserve this blind goddess
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| }}
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| ----
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| {{Greentext|>Fast forward another ten months
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| >Jessica and I have been spending a lot of time together
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| >I’ve grown
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| >I managed to push my credit score high enough to get a decent place of my own
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| >kinda want to ask her to move in with me
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| >kinda want to ask her to... MARRY me
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| >still a sad sack though
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| >I figure I’ll have to trick myself into proposing
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| >House is still new, Jessica hasn’t been over yet
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| >need to make it presentable first
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| >grew up hearing my mom tell me girls like it when boys keep a tidy room
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| >my relationship with Jessica has taught me blind girls REQUIRE it
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| >organize like I have OCD
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| >secure and nail down everything
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| >duct tape all cords to the wall
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| >square up all the furniture and eliminate all tripping hazards
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| >find some nice looking wainscoting cap boards with a wide lip on top that doubles as a hand rail
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| >spend three days installing wainscotting everywhere
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| >buy a braille label maker
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| >braille labels everywhere
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| >label the inner lip of the rails with directions for getting around the house
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| >randomly print out “would you like to live here”
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| >stick it to the inside lip of random rails throughout the house
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| >spend all week getting my house presentable for the blind goddess
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| >Finally ready
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| >invite her over for “movie night”
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| >...I don’t own a tv
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| >”show” her around the house
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| >put her hand on the new railings
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| >start walking around the house
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| >she’s impressed
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| >successkid.jpg
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| >sliding her hand along the lip
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| >we’re moving pretty quickly
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| >she passes over invitation labels several times
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| >each time she pauses, but doesn’t stop
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| >getting a little discouraged
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| >halfway down the main hall on the way back to the living room she stops
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| >runs her hand back and forth several times
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| >...starts breathing fast
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| >”reads” the strip a few more times
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| >...slowly makes her way to me and LEAPS into my arms
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| >...
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| >...I did it!
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| }}
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| {{Greentext|>A year goes by and I barely notice a single day
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| >Every day that I wake up next to Jessica is the best day of my life
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| >I am the single happiest man in my own little world that revolves entirely around her
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| >I still know I’m not worthy
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| >but I don’t think about it much any more
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| >I focus every ounce of my effort on making her happy
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| >she deserves everything I can give her and so much more
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| >that effort translates into every facet of my life
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| >The world is a warmer, brighter place
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| >one night Jessica and I are chilling in the living room listening to harry potter (her version of casual “reading”)
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| >it’s just noise to me
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| >I like to hold Jessica in my lap at nights while she “reads”
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| >I’m just happy to feel her in my arms
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| >Sometime around eight, Jessica excuses herself to use the bathroom
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| >a few minutes later she comes back to the living room with a little paper bag
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| >not like a grocery bag
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| >a NICE bag
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| >...the kind you get at a specialty shop
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| >It takes her a few minutes to get back to the couch
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| >I’ve learned not to help her unless she asks
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| >but waiting to know whats in the bag is killing me
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| >she sits next to me with a very nervous expression
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| >tension.exe
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| >...she asks me if I love her
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| >I emphatically tell her I do
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| >tell her she’s my world!
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| >she sits forward and pulls something out of the bag
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| >clutches it so I can’t see what it is
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| >she holds out her fast like she wants to give me something
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| >I go to cup her hands (so she knows to let go)
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| >before I can she suddenly opens her hand dropping the thing on the floor
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| >shitballs.jpg
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| >quickly crouch down and get on the floor
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| >search desperately for whatever she dropped
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| >spot a glint of shiny metal
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| >...a little gold ring
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| >pick it up
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| >Look at Jessica
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| >she’s standing over me with her hands outstretched and waiting
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| >reach out to hand her the ring
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| >our hands touch
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| >she searches my fingers
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| >feels the ring
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| >screams “YES!”
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| >...I’m on one knee
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| >...this is an engagement band
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| >...she tricked me!
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| }}
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| {{Greentext|>Fast forward six months
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| >Jessica and I are the happiest couple I know
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| >Her friends have become OUR friends
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| >...I have friends now!
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| >...feels good
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| >Our friends call me her teddy bear
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| >the girls think we’re “too cute” together
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| >the guys want to cut my dick off and have it bronzed
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| >...okaaay?
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| >one day, my uncle comes over for a visit
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| >he hands me a manila envelope
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| >says it’s an early wedding present
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| >asks me to open it AFTER he leaves
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| >Jessica is out dress shopping so we chill
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| >At some point, he tells me although he’s not my dad, he’s proud of me
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| >and he knows mom and dad are proud too
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| >that night, I open the envelope with Jessica
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| >...it’s my mom and dad’s wedding photo
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| >haven’t seen it in fourteen years
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| >Jessica says she wishes she could see it
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| >Feel. Everything.
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| >twelve years of pain, washed away by a single glass of ice-water
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| >two years of enduring bliss
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| >tripped at the finish line by a little irony
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| >tearfully say, “they would have loved you”
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| >...FINALLY start crying
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| }}
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| Jessica and I are getting married tomorrow morning.
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| I’m STILL not worthy of her.
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| But I’m working on it.
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| ==Sources== | | ==Sources== |