From Bibliotheca Anonoma

Time for a feels thread ya beautiful /b/astards

>Be me
>ten years old when a group of cops show up at my house
>Baby sitter’s freaking out
>...they’re here for me
>...Mom and Dad are dead
>my life ended at ten fucking years old because of some fucking ass-hat with a .20 BAC
>my uncle picks me up the next day
>move to his place in another state
>I feel constantly alone
>don’t have friends
>no enemies either
>I don’t even have any bullies
>I’m so invisible to the world, I might as well be part of the cosmic background radiation.
>fast forward twelve years
>22yo kissless beta loser struggling with depression
>still living with my uncle
>He’s a good guy
>tries to point me in good directions
>got me through high school and college
>even helped me land a decent job! though I lost it a week later
>can’t fault him for MY shitty life
>the day after losing my job he takes me to some sandwich place to try to cheer me up
>foods good
>always eat too much
>We get a seat outside
>It’s a nice day
>random bump on the arm and suddenly I’m drenched in ice water
>look up and see 9/10, SMOKING hot Stacy apologizing emphatically
>she’s not looking at me
>she’s apologizing to the air
>...seems about right
>I don’t even react
>even if it WASN’T on purpose, I probably deserved it

>multiple servers show up, with wads of paper towels
>feel bad for making them work harder than they should have for a loser like me
>stacy looks mortified
>still apologizing to the air
>looks like she’s getting upset
>uncle kicks me under the table
>points at something shes holding
>...a walking cane?
>...she’s blind
>feel even worse
>I quickly get up and apologize for ignoring her
>she reaches out unexpectedly and takes hold of my arm
>...the fuck?!
>she apologizes again for dumping her water on me
>reply “I’m used to it”
>she smiles warmly
>introduces herself
>Her name is Jessica
>uncle offers her a seat
>she cant, has to leave
>takes out her purse and pulls something out
>flails for a second and grabs my hand
>her skin nice
>puts something in my palm
>’s her card
>tells me to call her and she’ll make it up to me
>another stacy appears, they lock arms
>Jessica says godbye...sweetly
>they leave
>check out the card
>it feels weird
>uncle says its braille
>I don’t know braille
>pocket the card
>no way I’m going to call, but it feels good to be treated like a human being by someone OTHER than my uncle for once
>decide to save it for a rope day

>a couple of weeks go by and my uncle sits me down with the “we need to talk” look
>just started a new job
>figure he’s going to give me a rally speech
>he’s a good-guy Greg, has a knack for making me feel better
>he tells me he took Jessica’s card from my room ...tells me he called Jessica
>get this, he told her, “Anon’s really shy, but if you get to know him, he’s really a great guy!”
>worse yet, they set a dinner date for that. fucking. night.
>took an hour to calm down
>start to think about my life
>haven’t had a date in...ever.
>fuck it, she’s blind
>whats the worst that can happen?
>Take first shower in a week
>put on deodorant
>remember hearing that blind people have super smell
>...put on MORE deodorant
>Drive shitty ford escort to the restaurant
>same place where she dumped ice water on me
>first contact is pretty awkward
>she’s even prettier than I remember
>5’9. DARK brown hair. 120lbs, lovely pair of Ds pants ...dat. ASS.
>she’s already ordered, so I just just order the house burger
>she laughs
>ask what’s funny
>tells me she ordered the same thing
>says “we already have something in common”
>suddenly feel that “human connection” thing
>it’s obviously a charity date, but she’s pretty and it feels good to smile
>decide to play along and enjoy the feels
>actually put forward some effort
>I try to tell some jokes
>Im terrible at telling jokes
>...she laughs anyway
>...kinda feel like crying
>Food arrives and I dig in
>food is always good
>Then I realize, she can HEAR me eating ...I feel gross
>swallow hard and apologize profusely
>she just smiles and starts wolfing down on her burger
>we’re not talking quick little bitch-bites with fast chewing
>oh no, we’re talking: jaw hinges open and half a slaughtered calf enters the gaping maw of toothy hell

>In pauses between mouthfuls, we start talking
>start to learn a bit more about her
>learn she’s a foodie (likes complex and artistic foods and flavors)
>learn about her hometown (small town girl)
>learn she has a favorite color?
>learn she wasn’t always blind
>...she suddenly looks sad
>quickly change the subject
>to... me...
>try NOT to be a loser for once
>tell her about my MBA... DON’T tell her it took 3 years to complete a 1-2 year degree
>tell her about my job... DON’T tell her I basically babysit “working” teenagers for a living
>Tell her about my childhood... DON’T tell her about dead parents
>as a last ditch, tell her about my uncle... DON’T FUCKING TELL HER ABOUT DEAD PARENTS!
>conversation feels good
>partway into the meal, she flails out and grabs my arm
>tells me she’s really enjoying herself
>Suddenly feel like crying again
>...the fuck is wrong with me?!
>Before I know it, it’s time to go
>she holds out her credit card for the waiter to take
>quietly swap cards for mine
>I’m not making a blind girl pay for my dinner
>Besides, I know she only came as an apology
>waiter returns a minute later and hands me my card
>quietly have him hand hers back
>I sign and tip on the receipt
>waiter has her sign the customer copy
>I expect her to bail and catch a ride any second to go home
>Instead she asks me to lead her out
>waiting awkwardly in the parking lot
>expect someone to swing around to pick her up
>...aany second now
>...she asks if I forgot where I parked
>realize I’m her ride hometown
>remember the back seat of my car is filled with garbage
>...probably smelly garbage
>...remember blind people have heightened sense of smell

>I help jessica into my car
>I’m so nervous, I drop my keys ...TWICE
>get in, start crappy car, and start driving
>hot girl in car
>replaying date in my head, wondering how badly did I fuck this up?
>completely distracted
>go on autopilot
>wind up driving home to uncles house
>Turn car around, apologize
>remember Jessica is blind
>...explain I went on autopilot and drove to the wrong house
>drive away
>try to make small talk
>start talking about family ...about my DEAD FREAKING PARENTS!!!
>autopilot car across town to my work-place ...FUCK!
>apologize again ...then explain how I accdentally drove to work
>...realize I have no fucking clue where she lives
>I’ve literally been driving for thirty minutes without a destination
>ask her for her address
>go to put address in phone’s gps battery’s dead
>ask her for directions ...immediately regret asking a blind person for directions
>Ask if I can borrow her phone ...she hands me a flip phone ...immediately regret asking a BLIND PERSON to borrow their PHONE!!!
>by this point Jessica is stifling a laugh so hard it’s leaking out of her phenomenal ass.
>break down laughing
>we laugh for a solid ten minutes
>Jessica finally calls a friend for help
>Her friend winds up giving us directions over the phone
>We laugh all the way back to her apartment
>feeling much better by the time we get there
>feeling good enough about things to walk her up
>she takes my arm and I escort her up her steps
>strange pause outside
>out of nowhere, she tells me she knows I paid ...HOW?!?
>she wont tell me
>instead she puts her hand out and touches my arm
>works her hand up my arm and touches my face
>wonder if she’s trying to “see” me ...nope
>once she finds my face, she stands up on her toes and gives me a little kiss on my cheek
>Tells me she had fun
>tells me not to make my uncle call next time
>enters her house
>I just stand there completely befuddled
>...there’s a next time?

>fast forward two months
>In a case of unparalleled luck, I have managed to keep Jessica entertained for nine, check ‘em, NINE consecutive dates!
>Despite the fact she’s totally blind, I make an effort to make myself a little more presentable
>join a Gym
>start eating better
>buy clothes that actually fit
>shower EVERY day
>Focus all my energy on making her happy
>learn a LOT about her
>For one, she likes to cook!
>For another, she has awesome taste in music!
>meet her friends, all of whom are pretty cool people
>learn how she lost her sight

all I can say is blunt force trauma when she was in her teens

>...she wanted to be a painter
>She tells me it hurt for a long time
>in the end she chose to live with what she has
>she has her family
>her friends
>...and now she has me!
>feels good to hear that
>makes me feel bad for being depressed all the time
>still don’t feel worthy of her
>makes me feel like crying again

>tenth date rolls around
>she calls it our two month anniversary
>she’s planning a nice dinner at her house
>food is ALWAYS good
>Asks me to come really early
>um ...okaaay?

>Show up to Jessica’s house an hour early as instructed
>first time going inside
>nervous as hell and, other than food, I don’t know what she has planned
>swallow fear and knock
>she answers the door in a coat
>’s june
>go in
>house smells delicious but it’s pitch black
>she DRAGS me around and pushes me onto what I assume is a couch
>hear shuffling cloth
>something hits the floor (might be dinosaur? Still cant see!)
>after a minute asks me what I think
>tell her it smells nice in here!
>she realizes the lights are off
>hear her walk across the room
>more walking
>lights go on
>she’s standing on the other side of the room red see-through negligee
>”Can you see now?”
>I must have made her walk around her apartment trying light switches for like fifteen minutes before admitting the lights were on the whole time
>After she got over me ruining her surprise, we “relaxed” on her sofa
>still cant believe what she’s planning
>tells me we have an hour before dinner will be ready
>I’m nervous as hell
>she looks incredible
>smells amazing
>and feels... [HNNNG!]
>I am not good enough for her
>want to tell her she’s too good for me
>want to say she deserves so much more than I can EVER give her
>want to admit ...I’m a virgin
>she starts murmuring in a sultry voice
>says she’s been looking forward to this for weeks
>...I say nothing
>she stands up and pulls me to my feet
>slowly leads me to her bedroom
>...I do not deserve this blind goddess

>Fast forward another ten months
>Jessica and I have been spending a lot of time together
>I’ve grown
>I managed to push my credit score high enough to get a decent place of my own
>kinda want to ask her to move in with me
>kinda want to ask her to... MARRY me
>still a sad sack though
>I figure I’ll have to trick myself into proposing

>House is still new, Jessica hasn’t been over yet
>need to make it presentable first
>grew up hearing my mom tell me girls like it when boys keep a tidy room
>my relationship with Jessica has taught me blind girls REQUIRE it
>organize like I have OCD
>secure and nail down everything
>duct tape all cords to the wall
>square up all the furniture and eliminate all tripping hazards
>find some nice looking wainscoting cap boards with a wide lip on top that doubles as a hand rail
>spend three days installing wainscotting everywhere
>buy a braille label maker
>braille labels everywhere
>label the inner lip of the rails with directions for getting around the house
>randomly print out “would you like to live here”
>stick it to the inside lip of random rails throughout the house
>spend all week getting my house presentable for the blind goddess
>Finally ready
>invite her over for “movie night”
>...I don’t own a tv
>”show” her around the house
>put her hand on the new railings
>start walking around the house
>she’s impressed
>sliding her hand along the lip
>we’re moving pretty quickly
>she passes over invitation labels several times
>each time she pauses, but doesn’t stop
>getting a little discouraged
>halfway down the main hall on the way back to the living room she stops
>runs her hand back and forth several times
>...starts breathing fast
>”reads” the strip a few more times
>...slowly makes her way to me and LEAPS into my arms
>...I did it!

>A year goes by and I barely notice a single day
>Every day that I wake up next to Jessica is the best day of my life
>I am the single happiest man in my own little world that revolves entirely around her
>I still know I’m not worthy
>but I don’t think about it much any more
>I focus every ounce of my effort on making her happy
>she deserves everything I can give her and so much more
>that effort translates into every facet of my life
>The world is a warmer, brighter place

>one night Jessica and I are chilling in the living room listening to harry potter (her version of casual “reading”)
>it’s just noise to me
>I like to hold Jessica in my lap at nights while she “reads”
>I’m just happy to feel her in my arms
>Sometime around eight, Jessica excuses herself to use the bathroom
>a few minutes later she comes back to the living room with a little paper bag
>not like a grocery bag
>a NICE bag
>...the kind you get at a specialty shop
>It takes her a few minutes to get back to the couch
>I’ve learned not to help her unless she asks
>but waiting to know whats in the bag is killing me
>she sits next to me with a very nervous expression
>...she asks me if I love her
>I emphatically tell her I do
>tell her she’s my world!
>she sits forward and pulls something out of the bag
>clutches it so I can’t see what it is
>she holds out her fast like she wants to give me something
>I go to cup her hands (so she knows to let go)
>before I can she suddenly opens her hand dropping the thing on the floor
>quickly crouch down and get on the floor
>search desperately for whatever she dropped
>spot a glint of shiny metal
>...a little gold ring
>pick it up
>Look at Jessica
>she’s standing over me with her hands outstretched and waiting
>reach out to hand her the ring
>our hands touch
>she searches my fingers
>feels the ring
>screams “YES!”
>...I’m on one knee
>...this is an engagement band
>...she tricked me!

>Fast forward six months
>Jessica and I are the happiest couple I know
>Her friends have become OUR friends
>...I have friends now!
>...feels good
>Our friends call me her teddy bear
>the girls think we’re “too cute” together
>the guys want to cut my dick off and have it bronzed
>one day, my uncle comes over for a visit
>he hands me a manila envelope
>says it’s an early wedding present
>asks me to open it AFTER he leaves
>Jessica is out dress shopping so we chill
>At some point, he tells me although he’s not my dad, he’s proud of me
>and he knows mom and dad are proud too
>that night, I open the envelope with Jessica
>’s my mom and dad’s wedding photo
>haven’t seen it in fourteen years
>Jessica says she wishes she could see it
>Feel. Everything.
>twelve years of pain, washed away by a single glass of ice-water
>two years of enduring bliss
>tripped at the finish line by a little irony
>tearfully say, “they would have loved you”
>...FINALLY start crying

Jessica and I are getting married tomorrow morning.

I’m STILL not worthy of her.

But I’m working on it.