The Uncultured Anonymous/Lying

From Bibliotheca Anonoma

Lying is most likely the easiest thing to do since Masturbation was discovered. Lying is, by definition, not telling the truth - Anonymous disagrees. Lying is a way of temporarily turning any aspect of your/somebody else's life you choose into a temporary reality.

NOTE: You can lie to anyone, including yourself (don't believe that old saying, "you can't lie to yourself"; unfortunately you can).

Some people are so used to lying that it becomes second nature to them - achieving this can be fucking awesome, if you don't fuck up your life attempting to become the person you falsely claim to be. Others struggle with lying to either themselves or others. Most likely because these people still have a conscience (Disregard this word, you're not supposed to know what it means - Anonymous has no soul).

Who to lie to[edit]

Since lying is a universal skill, it can be applied to anyone, at anytime. Popular targets include:

  • Parents (underage B&)
  • Police (don't lie, just withhold Truths from them.)
  • Anyone even remotely affiliated with the IRS
  • Yourself
  • Females
  • Coworkers
  • College admission panels
  • Any *chan board
  • The Spanish Inquisition

There are also some people, to which lying to is generally inadvisable. But since you are Anon, you probably don't care. Go nuts.

How to lie[edit]

Lying is an art. You can't study to become a good liar anymore than you can study to have an 18 inch cock. Any way you cut it, you can only become a better liar by lying to more and more people. Think exp points. There are however, a few Protips that can make you better, faster:

1. Maintain eye contact and focus. Stick to the eyes of who ever you're lying to like they were exposed cleavage. DO NOT STARE LIKE SOME FUCKING FISH CREATURE. It just looks weird and will make the person either realize you're full of shit or think that you're mentally unstable. 2. Absolutely no fidgeting. Keep those hands either by your sides or use them to emphasize your point. You've probably heard this before from your parole officer but for gods sake, refrain from touching. 3. Don't hesitate. Hesitation means you've run out of shit to say. This equals fail. Think of what you want to be believed and keep talking. Details are especially important. Don't be a motormouth either. Speak at normal speed. 4. Do not tell long stories. Simple lies are less likely to be seen through. Add details, but keep the story simple, not in the form of a short story. 5. When in doubt, scapegoat. There's enough blame to go around, why not share? 6. Believe your lie. It may be difficult for some, but if you can believe your own lie, so can every other faggot.