The Uncultured Anonymous/Dealing Drugs

From Bibliotheca Anonoma

For some magical reason yet unknown to us, you will eventually have to quit you McJob and start making some money. Chances are you're already on a first name basis with drugs seeing as how you're scraping grease traps instead of using that college degree for something other than a napkin.

Getting your supply[edit]

Drug dealing comes in two main flavors; recreational drug dealing and pharmaceutical drug dealing. Don't worry, there's money to be made with both.

Acquiring recreational drugs (weed, coke, meth, ether) is easier because of the large black market that has developed in most of the world. You can either buy from a middle man (at a higher price), or you can try to find someone who imports or makes the stuff (which may be cheaper but ties you with certain obligations).

Acquiring pharmaceutical drugs (Ritalin, Zooloft, Amyl Nitrate) is harder because although there are plenty of pharmacies around, you need prescriptions to be able to buy them. You can either befriend a doctor or shrink and get them to write you bogus prescriptions but this doesn't always work and requires some charisma, of which most Anon are lacking. OR, you can infiltrate a pharmacy and sneak stuff out. This one is a big no-no if you have any history with the police.

Importing your drugs across the border[edit]

The most obvious of ways to get a large amount of drugs across the border is by A. Bribing a licensed international truck driver to hide the drugs in trailer, or B. Place one of your own men behind the seat, and have him do it for you. The best kind of shipment to smuggle them in under is either a load that has a strong odor, or food. The strong odor would hide the smell of most drugs such as the notorious coffee or you could hid it in food, which will lead the dogs to it, HOWEVER, the border patrol will most likely still ignore the truck because they will assume the dogs are being enticed by the food when you declare what you are crossing. If you aren't able to do either of the above, you can still just have a mule walk across with your merchandise, or have him drive it across, WITH U.S. PLATES. If the plates are from Mexico, the border patrol is more likely to intercept them. If you are walking across, you can either A. Hide the shit in your backpack along with school books, assuming your mule is young as most B. Put secret pockets in your clothing and hide it there or C. Get that shit and hide it in your shoe, under your balls if male, in your bra if female, up your pussy or just straight up your a-hole as most do. If you are driving across however, DO NOT USE THE SAME CAR EVERY TIME. Have two or three different cars that have been shelled to cross the drugs and switch them often. If this is your first time, you'll probably be scared shitless. A good way to not look so damn paranoid like a crack-addict and be relaxed is to simply think about sex. Trust me, this helps. Do this for the first couple of times and after that you should be pretty calm about it.

Note: The above is full of shit. Music, to a dog, is a wall of noise, but to us there's melody and harmony and rythm and a load of different instruments, masked scents to us are a wall of smell, but to a dog, there's coffee and pepper and food and whatever other bullshit you use and drugs. YOU CAN'T HIDE A SCENT FROM A DOG WITH ANOTHER SENT. You can, however, wrap that shit up in plastic and remove the scent altogether. The smell WILL seep through, but that'll take time, buy yourself more time with more plastic and for fucks sake don't use the same gloves you used to handle the drugs, that'll just smear drugs on the outside of the plastic, it doesn't matter how little, the dog will smell it, and if you use your bare hands, you deserve the imminent B& and V&. Also, if the cop can't find drugs, but doesn't like you and thinks you have drugs he CAN AND WILL MAKE THE DOG GIVE A FALSE POSITIVE. If he's encouraging the dog in any way, you're fucked.

Setting up shop[edit]

Obviously, you can't really set up an actual shop but you need to find places where people with addictions flock. Hit a few nightclubs and see if you can spot the right crowd. DO NOT carry samplers. Rent out some storage space and stash your supply here. Then, if you find anyone wanting to buy, transport the agreed upon amount to a third location where you exchange it for monies.


Obviously, you can't exactly be reported to the Better Business Bureau. This doesn't mean that you can go around asking 500 bucks for a vial of Crack. People simply won't buy that. Before you announce your intentions to sell, ask potential customers about the going rate as if you wish them to hook you up. A good rule of thumb is to sell at at least twice the price you bought it at.

The competition[edit]

You are neither the first nor last to enter this business and that means competition will be brutal. You can expect the following to work against you;

  • The Mafia
  • Small time dealers
  • The pimps
  • Anyone who has read this article
  • The Mexican/Columbian Cartels
  • The Mootxican whore cartel

Profit, the storing thereof[edit]

Naturally, you can't keep your hard earned cash stored in physical form, because you are bound to get jacked at one time or another. Therefor, you should filter your cash, little by little, into banks. From there you should move the money to a second bank and from there to one in Swiss or the Cayman islands, because of their policy of privacy.