The Return of the Well Cultured Anonymous/Seduction

Seduction is the art of enticing to do something- be they willing or not. Seduction typically is done in the realm of sex and sexuality, where both women and men aim to seduce the opposite sex into relationships, sex, or other activities. For example, seduction can get an unmarried girl into bed on the promise of marriage (this is/was actually illegal in English common law)- or even just getting a number. Quote: "There is a thin line between rape and seduction."

Seduction is notably hard for men now. Women are now accustomed to the average pickup lines, and generally (unless drunk off their ass) shield themselves from what they perceive to even be close to seduction. Thus, it is the goal of the Well Cultured Anonymous to find ways to seduce and entice women without being blatant. That, for all intents and purposes in this article, is the true art of seduction.

What is seduction?

As mentioned above, seduction is the act of convincing people to do things, namely date you or fuck you. This is nothing new- seduction has been around since men have had penises and women have had somewhere to stick them. Because of that, it is important that you not only know HOW to seduce- but you also understand what exactly you are doing in the process.

Historical figures

If you thought your grandparents were clean and didn't stick it in until marriage, you're a fucking retard. Despite what ultraconservatives will say on television, the past was virtually built on the art of seduction and sex. A lot of English Monarchical history was built on the relationships between varying countries- all tied along with who fucked who. It was like Hollywood, except if someone got drunk and flipped off the camera, you had a war.

Of course, there have been key figures in history who have been masters of seduction. Be they simply legendary in their ability to have sex with women or just famous for being womanizers (or man-izers), some of the most famous people in history were equally famous for sticking it in (or having it stuck in).

• Cleopatra VII

This is the Egyptian woman who fucked Julius Caesar, dated Mark Anthony and convinced him to go berserker on Gaius Julius Caesar Octavian (Technically named Augustus, Julius Caesar's great-nephew) and fight for the Roman throne, then killed herself when Octavian got pissy and decided to have both her and Mark Anthony's head. It is generally speculated that she had indirect control of both the Roman Empire under Caesar and the Roman armies under Mark Anthony, and seduced both into doing things detrimental to the empire. Of course, she did eventually learn that Octavius wasn't one to fuck with, but she nonetheless is considered a famous seducer of two powerful men.

• Don Juan

While completely fictional, the story of Don Juan has been around in Spain since around 1620. In the "first" rendition of it, El burlador de Sevilla y convidado de piedra, Don Juan was a womanizer who slept with women on the promise of marriage or disguising himself as their lover. Oh yeah, and in some stories, he raped a noble and killed her father. Totally /b/.

• Giacomo Casanova

This is the granddaddy of seduction as it is today. Giacomo Casanova, known to most as just Casanova, was famous for pulling the Don Juan of promising women to marry them- and then banging the living shit out of them. He was so good at this shit that he was even able to write a book about it (Histoire de ma vie), and STILL continue tricking women. While it is unknown to the extent that he was able to continue this path (though it is noted that he was famous for chronicling his life by what venereal diseases he contracted because of his sex life), but it is cool to note that in his book, he was able to name at least 121 women BY NAME who he got into bed with him. His efforts have generally been the inspiration for a lot of men, and has been in many sex filled movies. Of course, a lot of these movies have been very shitty, including one particular film featuring one particular faggot that no-one cares about.

The mind at the root

Behavior is the key factor in seduction. When men or women interact with one another, they send signals- from physical signals to mental signals. Everything counts in seduction- you must sweep the woman off her feet, but also make sure you have the muscle to carry her where you want. The whole concept is to indirectly (or sometimes directly) lead a woman (or a man, yeah yeah) to do something that you want her to do.

When you seduce, you need to aim for control over the woman's mental state. When you control a woman's physical state, it's really nothing but rape- you are not making her willingly follow you. Much like The Pied Piper of Hamelin, your goal is to entrance your targets into willing obedience- not force them down and rape them as they cry. Some of the most masculine men in the world have mastered this ability, and you should too.

When you're reading these tips and tricks, then, you need to think of two things:

1. How will this affect her (being your target)'s mental state?
2. How can this get her toward my goal?

When you think of these things, then, try to avoid things that would fuck it up. In the middle of a passionate kiss, scratching your ass is something that will fuck it up. Ordering three Coronas and sucking crumbs off the floor as you drunkenly lay on it is not the way to make a woman want you. The way to make women want you is to be classy and cool- and control all things.

And trust me, women want to be controlled. Not in the "please bend me over and fuck me like a caveman" way, but they like to have a man tell them how things are going to go. Just like in our Girls section of The Well Cultured Anonymous, women prefer you telling them where you are going to eat rather than going "Well, you decide, I want you to feel comfortable". It's good to be accommodating of her- it's bad to be a pansy. Pansies get shoved on the "Friend" ladder, which means you'll spend more time at home masturbating than you ever will making out with her. And that's bad, if you didn't figure that out yet.

Key things that turn women on

• Adventure- Being adventurous. That's why it's best, even on dating sites, to take pictures of yourself doing high adventure shit- even hiking or biking or something.
• Exclusivity- Women tend to like guys who are hard to get, or at least play that guy. That's why women fantasize about marrying princes. Make yourself exclusive, and the desire grows.
• Humor- Most chicks like to laugh. Being unfunny or overly stupid makes them feel bored. Be real and be cool, just don't try to be a Jim Carrey ripoff.
• Money- Yes, I'm serious- women tend to like guys who have money. Part of it is because of the goodies that come with it- but much like the "Safety" point below, they also find it reassuring that you aren't poor and you could support them. Like you would.
• Mystery- Being mysterious is a big plus, as evidenced by the majority of Yaoi shit on the internet nowadays. Play this with being standoffish (see "Exclusivity")- leave some things unsaid.
• Romance- The sheer chemistry of being together. This just means heating things up a bit- and I'm sure you'd want to get to this point anyway.
• Safety- Much like money, women do not attach to men who's futures involve "working at a coal mill". If you appear secure in your future and look like you have some cash on hand, they will be more likely to trust you.
• Testosterone- Show the manliness you have a bit. Get angry sometimes. Don't get pushed around. Have some muscles. Even though girls say they want a "nice" guy, they get wetter faster for someone who is willing to prove they have a penis. That's why a lot of "jerks" are more likely to get laid than a "nice guy".

Seduction techniques

Playing a part

Believe it or not, being stereotypical can be good, because it makes you easier to swallow for most girls. Let's be honest here- if you walked into any given social situation acting like Hunter Thompson, it would no doubt be awesome, but the majority of women would be off put. This is because, much like your average guy, they look for personality types they can understand and accept. It applies to guys too- you're looking for generally acceptable girls- so this should not be TOO MUCH of a surprise for you.

So, with all of that in mind, here are your generally accepted personality types:

• The Bad Boy

Tattoos, high adventure, and badassery. If you're like this, you can be pushier and expect more sex- but she's likely to use you as a fling more than anything.

 Good example: Any given (decent) Rock artist

• The Artist/Depressed Freak

Emo, faggotry, creative, and the like. This is best for skinny and artistic guys, but you have to sacrifice your testosterone. However, sex also comes relatively easy for the more attractive ones.

 Good example: Johnny Depp in Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

• The Cool Rich Man

Money, power, and stability. This requires that you're something of a good looker with cash, and that you have a high status in society, as well as a relaxed and good personality. Sex comes easy, but you may pick up too many gold diggers.

 Good example: Christian Bale in American Psycho

• The Lover

The kind of people you see in romance novels for overweight married women. This requires the utmost of seduction and good looks, and gets you loads of sex. However, much like the bad boy, this doesn't translate into an actual relationship, and you'll tend to pick up "too" desperate women.

 Good example: Ewan McGregor in Moulin Rouge

• The Greenpeace Fuck

Believe it or not, there are a lot of wet (anorexic) pussies in the ultra-green world. Sound concerned about the environment and about how the "evil right wants to stop the little man" and girls tend to like you. But only greenpeace-esque girls- this isn't really something to play at a bar.

 Good example: Any bleeding heart pussy.

• The Foreign Guy

Look foreign? Play it up and pick up some women with a taste in the wild side. These tend to be one night stands, though, and it's hard to pretend for very long.

 Good example: Antonio Banderas in The Mask of Zorro

• The Frat Fuck

This is when you are unoriginal and stupid, and you have no talent. Generally, your average frat fuck will get laid, but only to desperate or slutty girls. This is to only be used in absolute desperation.

 Good example: Ryan Renolds as Van Wilder in National Lampoon's Van Wilder

Types to Avoid

• The Potential Husband

The potential husband is someone who NEVER gets laid and generally gets pulled around on a leash, a kind of support for a girl who feels her biological clock ticking. Basically, she's going to go fuck everyone but you, then use you as her husband when she's not feeling wild anymore. If this happens, just tell her to put out or get out.

 Good example: Steve Carell in Dan in Real Life

• The Bro

No-one likes a "Bros-before-hoes" trademark crazy fuck. If your idea of picking up a girl is hooting at her and talking to "your boys" about her, and even possibly using them to go to her instead of yourself, you are a "bro". And you will be a lonely "Bro" with your latent homosexuality for a long time.

 Good example: Any and all Guidos

• The Borderline

The Borderline is something that most gamers/geeks don't understand NOT to be. Being "hardcore" (for example, carrying around a knife, being somewhat psycho, etc) is not attractive whatsoever. In fact, it makes you scary. No surprise there.

 Good example: The Unibomber

• The Good Friend

The good friend is someone who is used as emotional support, not romance. This kind of stereotype is fine if you actually just want to be friends, but it's romantic suicide (you're basically put on the wrong ladder, as explained below).

 Good example: That guy hanging around the popular girl pretending to be gay.

• The Fat Funny Guy

Are you overweight? Do you wear Hawaiian shirts? Do you joke with people a lot? Do you secretly lust for girls skinnier than you? Give up.

 Good example: John Belushi. In anything he ever did.

But hey, let's not get ahead of ourselves. While these are somewhat acceptable stereotypes (much like we think of "cute High school Cheerleader" as a female stereotype), this doesn't mean you won't fit in if you don't try to strive for one of these concepts. More than likely, you'll do fine no matter what so long as you socialize and learn to be confident: and that's a big part of it all.

Being self-confident, not an arrogant asshole

Arrogance is good. In fact, arrogance is part of being a guy. When you start talking to a girl, your ability to seem self-confident and powerful is a turn-on to them because it shows them that you are "complete". Saying "I'm not sure of myself" or any variation thereof is the quickest way to becoming "a good friend"- something you don't want. Because of this, you need to remember that as kind as you may be, you need to be masculine.

Let's take a classic example: James Bond. Women get all wet for James Bond. But if you watch the movies, he is actually quite misogynistic- to the point of being sexually harassing. The thing about James Bond is that he doesn't really fuck around with women, nor does he ask them questions- he just does. I'm certainly not saying to run off and force yourself upon the closest girl to you- but girls don't want someone who is wishy-washy or uncertain. They want to be swept off their feet.

Assuming you want a typical girl with a few quirks to her (and in all honesty, who would want a completely typical and average girl), how would you respond if she were loud and annoying. Unless she has a hot appearance to back this up, I doubt you'd want anything to do with that. Now picture her being quiet and timid... not responsive to anything you say at all, and in fact a little creepy. You want someone who can hold up a conversation with you, and something you're familiar with. That's what they want. They want something they're familiar with, as well as a little fantasy (See James Bond).

So, for all real purposes, stop hesitating and using excessive deference when speaking. "Um", "Uhhh", and "Well" is completely out. Instead, practice speaking actively: replace every instance of "Um" in your speech with "Now". It buys you a moment to think, and makes you appear like you know what the fuck you're saying.

Also, try to be a bit more polite. This comes out of left field in this way, but it's a bitching way to show them that you also care. Or something. Long story short: If you say "Thank you" or "Ma'am" or whatever, you tend to look much more refined- but still retain that masculine edge. A good thing.

Flashing the masculinity

In general, women like to be slightly dominated. You may disagree because you've been brainwashed otherwise, but just trust Anonymous for a second- most girls want to be held down and forced rather than asked for a "good old mutual sex" session. So, how do you let that kind of attitude off?

First off, feel free to be somewhat blunt and pick on her. Be masculine, after all you're not the bitch in the relationship. Telling a girl to do things, commanding her around, the works- so long as you aren't an asshole, you will handle this fine. For example, many girls absofuckinglutely love the concept of being held against a wall and kissed- because it's being forced, and it makes them feel naughty.

There are many ways to do this, but the most generic ones involve the following:

• Hold her tight. Not in the supportive way. In the "I'm going to have my way with you" way.
• Guide her around. Have dates planned and things to do. Don't defer to her.
• Tell her what you want. This generally only works in more sexual situations, but telling her to do certain things (bend over, et al) works.
• Demand things of her. Tell her you want her to wear a certain dress or something. This is just enough command to make her enjoy it.
• Push In the right situation, being pushy and perverted is actually a GOOD thing.

Keep in mind you can fuck this up pretty fast. Being hyper masculine or misappropriating any of this could easily crash your date/relationship. Use common sense- the idea is to be subdued, not to be Mr. He-Man-Woman-Hater.

The easiest way to understand the domination thing is to simply know that it falls under the same category as confidence: you want to be able to stand firm and push without seeming wishy-washy. While, much like confidence, it takes time to develop, it will pay back in incredible amounts in the long run.

Flash your wit

Don't be a humorless tool, use forms of subtle humor and flirting to pull her in. There's plenty of ways to make it look like you’re funny, sexy, and more without coming off as a douche. Here are some tips from an anon's personal experiences:

• Girls love smart guys, just don't go overboard. Show her that you have a firm grasp of the English language (or whatever the fuck you speak) by dropping "high-brow" words every now and again. Just don't over do it or you'll make her feel dumb.
• As stated above, being subtly and playfully perverted in moderation is a GOOD thing. Use words like "cutie-pie" (that has never failed me. It's so goofy and cute that they love it) and other friendly compliments.
• Don't be afraid to acknowledge that cute girl across the room. If you lock eyes, give her your best smile and a nod, then go back to what you were doing for a bit. Just make sure you can keep watching her with your peripheral vision, just to see if she's sneaking another peak.
• Winking should be used in moderation. Don't do it every time you make eye contact, you'll look like you have downs syndrome, though if used in moderation it can be an effective lure.
• Show random competency. For example, nothing is a conversation starter quite like knowing how to mix a good drink at a party or being able to deal cards professionally. So long as you don't get overly proud of yourself, you'll look quite impressive.

There are plenty of "playful" ways to seduce a girl, and once you've broken the ice you can begin flashing your masculinity, just don't forget to switch it up to the "funny, smart guy" method every now and then. Girls really do love men with brains.

Flashing the support

Women look for men who can support them. This basically means that you need to provide a kind of "service" to them, even while still controlling them. The most obvious of this is money- a lot of girls almost exclusively look at jobs and cash as a way to find good men. And hey, let's face it- it is a pretty good way to find "responsible" men, even though it will bite you in the ass.

This is really up to your own abilities. You can't magic up money, nor can you create responsibility. Don't ever spend too much money on a woman, nor do you ever go with her on the cheap- simply try to find a happy balance between money and the relationship. Even though most women do consider status as a factor in a relationship, throwing money at something doesn't make it better.

Some ideas include the following:

• Pay for dinner. You probably will anyway, but make sure she notices.
• Try to support yourself as much as possible. Eating TV dinners isn't exactly the best. However, smart people can do this to pull in a motherly woman- otherwise, you look needy.
• Don't always answer her phone calls or messages immediately. Make her come to you and beg for attention.
• Have a pet or something. Prove you can take care of more than yourself.

This can't be stressed enough. Do NOT throw cash at the situation to boost up this in the perception of the girl- dating should not be expensive. Often, it's not your ability to spend money that's impressive, but your ability to live your life happily without going overboard- basically, your ability to live frugally, but enjoy it. Girls who want you to spend excess amounts of cash on silly things should be avoided at all costs.

The social ladders

Basically, you have you two ladders, which some brightfuck shrink came up with, the relationship ladder, and the friendship ladder, also known as the "I'm gonna get Fucked" ladder and the "I'm Fucked if I want to get Fucked" ladder, respectively. There are two approaches to the ladder theory, the Male and the Female. For guys, it goes thusly: Richard meets Sophie. Richard thinks, "hmm, Sophie is attractive, I would like to fuck her." Richard then meets Louise. Same thing happens, Richard thinks, "hmm, Louise is more attractive than Sophie, I would like to fuck her more. thus his relationship ladder looks thus 1. Louise 2. X 3. XX 4. Sophie... and so on, so forth etc.... Infinitely less complicated than what you are about to read, I'm sure you'll agree.

Women have two ladders, explained below.

The Relationship Ladder

Also known as the "I'm about to fuck this broad/bint/bitch/etc." ladder. Do Not be alarmed, not all guys on this ladder are in for a relationship, so its more of a guys she'd like to fuck. Sophie has met Richard, as was mentioned earlier, and she assesed him the same way he assesed her. She decided she liked him, and placed him on this, the good ladder. Richard is of course never told this, and is left his own devices to divine on which ladder he clings for dear social life. Events inevitably occur which give him clues, however, and he figures out he is on the fucking ladder.

The Friend Ladder

His problem though, is where he clings on to the ladder for dear social life with Louise, as he likes her more. Unbeknown to him, he has been placed on the death ladder, the completely undesirable ladder to be on. She wants to be friends with him, and nothing more, so, not knowing this, he pursues her, and gets rejected.

Conclusion

Richard realizes Sophie likes him, but does nothing about because as far as he is aware, is still in with a chance of having his way with Louise. Having realized she has been rejected, Sophie asks another guy out, or accepts an offer off someone else, and they live happily ever after until he becomes an hero or some shit. Richard then works up the courage to ask Louise out. she rejects him, saying its easier for her at the moment not to date. AS far as he is concerned now, hes on the friends list, the "we ain't going to fuck list", with her, even tho he may not be, but, as far as we're concerned, he is. He has no idea where he is in relation to the other guy on Sophies list, so he decides to give up, become an hero, try and simply walk to Mordor, etc. the moral of the story, don't hang about for the #1 on your list, is a girl who is high up on your list offers you a piece of ass, take it, and run with it, like a little dog with a ball.

Sticky situations

Escaping the Friend Zone

This is by all means legendary. Some would say mythical. It CAN be done. However, it's fairly rare and can't be left depending on how far you're in the zone. If you're the shoulder to cry on, the guy who'll bend over backwards or do anything for some special woman, chances are if you're not her boyfriend, you're in the friend zone. There's ways out of it, but it's conditional:

1) Never express your true feelings or emotions for her. Pouring your heart out on a silver platter to someone just downright embarrasses the fuck out of them. The only thing you do when you spill your guts is selfishly try to guilt-trip the woman into dating you. After she rejects you because of this, you'll be in the friend zone for good. She'll probably see you as too clingy or an emotional train wreck on two legs.

2) She needs to be attracted to you in one way or another. Vice versa. If she's not attracted to you physically, she's not going to see you as anything more than a friend. If she ever seemed jealous or irked by someone flirting with you or when you talk of some girl you like, she probably is.

3) Don't be a pussy. Women already have one between their legs, they don't need another one. Don't be a shoulder to cry on, be the escape from the emotion. If she's BAWWWWing over some ex-boyfriend, don't sit there and listen to her whine about it. Urge her to go out with you somewhere for something to keep her mind off of things. Y'know, like real guys do? Build up a persona that she sees, the man, not the boy. Don't make them your main priority or they'll usurp the privilege.

4) Be prepared to wait. Don't even fucking think about it, if you know you're not on the friendship ladder. Most women tend to be attracted to their male friends at at least one point in their friendship, and it is just a matter of making a move at the right time. (Before someone cries sexism, this particular step was written by a girl. Believe me, I would know.)

If you have those three things in tact, you've got a chance to get out of the friend zone. If the woman has ever used the line "I just want to be friends" on you, don't even bother. There's points where you can redeem yourself and points of no return. Most important of all, take everything slow. VERY FUCKING SLOW.

Stalkers

A picture of you in her possession before you've stuck it in her pooper is the first warning sign that you might have a stalker on your hands. Extra points are awarded if it's a headshot and you don't remember a camera.

These are the kinds of bitches that'll cling on to you for as long as they can and suck you (financially) dry to the bone. Anonymous recommends burning this fucking bridge as soon as humanly possible.

Dealing with this particular kind of girl is tricky. Since these nutjobs are usually in a world of their own, breaking their perverted image of you is top priority. A very effective method to accomplish this is copiously applying donkey punches to your would be stalker. Alternate methods include aggressive relocation (read: kidnapping and dumping in the countryside) or, in extreme cases, 50. caliber aspirin.

Another idea is to fart while she's blowing you.

To recap: Stick it in her pooper, apply the donkey punch, exfiltrate and move on.

Crazies

Crazies are the type of girl who are fun to seduce until the second week.......That's when comes, the fuckin' "I love you". Stick it in her pooper, and GTFO! Run like crazy. This bitch will find you, rape you, and then shit in your nostrils. But seriously, DO NOT mess with this kind unless you're the kind of guy who enjoys entirely dependent and attention-starved women.

Hardasses

"You don't fucking OWN me, bitch! Who do you think you are?"

These are some of the bitches you want to avoid. The Hardass tends to be a feminazi, or a quasi-butch chick. Most men won't bother with this kind of woman anyway, they're usually reputed to be lesbians. They are prone to have more male friends, and are more comfortable with men touching them, but rub them the wrong way and they are more likely to get physically offensive with you. The Hardass is notoriously difficult to get close to, and you probably shouldn't try anyway-- once you do, you may be exposed to their insecure, whiny-cry emo interior depending on where you sit with them on the ladder. More often than not the hardass facade won't hold if you push back and find some of the chinks in her armor. Get to whatever she's trying to protect, and she'll either fall in on herself, go running to you for support (which may or may not give you the opportunity to stick it in her pooper), or become a lesbian.

Mother Hens

"Tell me what you think our children will look like."

FUCKING WOAH. Mother hens aren't as bad as crazies, but they're scary in their own right. These are the kind of women who sink into such a sense of security when they have a long lasting relationship that they think it'll go on forever. They want to get married, settle down, have your babies. Fine and dandy, except that's not what you're looking for. They usually aren't very wild fucks, sex with a mother hen can get boring fast. She's another one of those girls who's either "well what if I get pregnant" or she's a fucking biological time bomb. Best advice: Don't stick it in her pooper. Run. GTFO.

A mother hen can also be classified as a woman with several infatuated guys following her like little chicks after a hen. She plays with them all with no intention of a serious relationship/teh sexings. Don't even bother getting involved unless you're really smooth, and then all she's good for is an occasional slow fuck.

When you absolutely fuck up

Who cares? There are at least 3 billion other women on the planet. Do you really care if some lame girl doesn't want to have sex with you? If you really care that much you can employ this alternative strategy: Become an hero.