The Return of the Well Cultured Anonymous/Guys

Disregard This I Suck Cocks

For The Female Anonymous, Who Exist, Despite All Claims

Being Anonymous, One Of The Following Is Likely True

  • An interest in Anime/Manga, or Video Games ranging from a passing curiosity to borderline insane Wapanese.
  • Overweight
  • Nerd/Geek/Bookworm

Take note that it is quite possible for all three to apply to the same person at the same time.

  • Of course don't shit brix if you're somehow that fucking lucky.

Romance And Things Associated

The life of dating and romance is far easier for you, even with all three of the above, than it is for any male that has happened to stop by /b/ once.

I left the first line alone, because it is in fact true- If your goal is sex, and that is all you want, you stand a good chance of getting it. But be honest with yourself: If you aren't the best catch yourself, don't be disappointed when the football player turns you down. Some guys can afford to be picky; most Anonymii can't.

There are plenty of males, many of whom are residents of /b/, who would be hard pressed to turn down a chance at sex, regardless of your appearances.

With sex on the line, you will not hear a mentioning of harpoons.

If You, Female Anon, Are Looking For A Relationship

Your problem is not as much talking to the male form, but finding a decent guy.

It seems that the more 'popular' a guy is, the more likely he is to be arrogant and uncaring. Sweet and romantic? Less likely to be physically outstanding. Don't let this discourage you.

You need to take a good look at what your strengths are, if indeed you have any, and play to them.

Some of you may have had bad experiences with men in the past. This cannot be laid entirely at the feet of the men alone. If you chose to stick by a guy even though he was a jerk, you're a fucking idiot and deserved what you got. Don't be stupid, female Anon. If this indeed is your story, this is most likely because you don't know what motivates men. Men have a very small collection of basic needs. Food, Sleep, Sex, Glory, and whatever their hobby is (unless that's also sex). That's all. Men don't usually think about things that don't relate to these. Men do care somewhat about emotions, but not nearly to the same degree as women, and if they're open enough to talk about them to you, then you most likely already have a good relationship going. Nearly all men desire to be the alpha dog. That is, they want other men to respect them and hold them in awe. Sex and hobbies (and, in some cases, food) are often what they use to chase this goal.

First, The Physical

  • For All Body Types

Just like the guys, proper grooming is a must. A recent haircut, trimmed nails, *A LITTLE* makeup. Don't pancake the shit on, lest you end up looking like some of the horrid abortions only found in /cgl/. You're a woman, so for Raptor Jesus' sake, have some pride in what he gave you. Accentuate your features with makeup, clothing, and hairstyles, don't try to radically alter it.

Exercise never hurt anyone in moderation, and is good for every type of body. For the smaller Anon, it will help with muscle tone and definition, and with the larger Anon, it will increase muscle while decreasing other unwanted types of tissue. Dance Dance Revolution seems to be an increasingly popular form of "exercise" among the types of women described above. Keep in mind that while it does give you a good cardiovascular workout, it's not likely to build much muscle tissue: it's good for losing weight, not gaining it (and in some cases, you'll want to work out to avoid becoming too underweight).

While it is not something that can be given, it is worth noting that self-confidence is the difference between a female wearing clothes, and a female making the clothes she wears look good. You can take a female with sexy clothing, and if she doesn't have self confidence, it will not look good. You can take a female with self confidence, and the things she wears will look good. Always. You don't have to dress like a whore either. While a low-cut shirt is nice, something less revealing may in fact be more appropriate, even attractive to certain male Anons.

Believe in yourself, because if you don't, who will?

  • Larger Body Types

Wear clothes that accentuate your best features. Some tips from the guys section can apply to you too.. Wear a skintight shirt, and then a larger shirt over it to 'absorb' a bit of movement and/or size.

Dark, solid colors are often said to have a slimming effect, though you want to avoid stripes, especially horizontal, with a passion.

  • Smaller Body Types

Sexiness, contrary to popular belief, is not defined by breast size. Tall or short, a close-fitting dress shows the curves you do have better. It doesn't have to be low cut, or revealing in the least.

Mental Aspects Of Dating, For Female Anons

Ah, the mental aspects of a woman. To many male Anon, it seems to be filled with confusion, to others, nothing.

If you have any male friends who have not explicitly told you they're in a relationship with someone else, ask one of 'em the fuck out. Because if you're the kind of female who reads Wikichan for relationship advice, the guys you know are probably too shy to ask you out even if they want to.

Also, guys in general have much lower standards than girls. As long as a girl is pretty, smart and kind, a guy will usually take a liking to her. It is up to you, female Anon, to decide what to build on that...

..More To Come..

On Exercise And Working Out, Extending Into Dieting

Exercise is medically proven to give positive health effects, including the release of chemicals like endorphins which improve your mood, attitude, and outlook on life.

In other words, exercise will help your self-esteem by improving your mental opinion of yourself.

Also, exercise will help your figure, helping your appearance. This actually applies to all Anon, regardless of figure or male/female.

Now, for dieting.. A change in a diet, leading to all food groups being represented in smaller amounts, is far superior to any quick weight loss plan you read in a magazine or online. Why?

Most diets have this major flaw-

The weight that is lost is actually water weight, and as soon as the diet is stopped, the weight returns. Even worse, while dieting you usually have an electrolyte imbalance because of all of the lost water, leading you to become irritable and have trouble sleeping and concentrating. This is true to all diets, and happens to both men and women Anon, and even tripfags sometimes. The *best* system, if your current eating habits are fine, is to reduce portions while still maintaining all food groups, and exercise.

If you are intent on losing weight and keeping it off, you must have exercise in your diet plan. Anything else is a quick fix, and the weight will come back. Don't quit exercising after less than a month with no results; it's something that you have to stick to and work into a regular routine in order for it to be effective.

Now, research is still being done, but it is suggesting that a person's weight is decided more by genetics than anything else, giving a valid reason for why larger people's bodies revert to being large, and skinny Anons that gain weight promptly lose it. Remember that Anonymous wants to fuck Kiera Knightley and Scarlett Johansen. To many Anon, the best weight is not just fat or skinny, but that which matches the natural structure. Samoan girls shouldn't be super skinny, and Polish chicks shouldn't be fatties. However, all Russian chicks should be hot. It's actually part of the Russian constitution.

Dating A Male /b/tard

First off, a lot of us are just regular, easy-going guys who happen to browse the myriad of -Chans and have a delightful sense of what's funny, right and wrong. However, about 45% of us are totally batshit loons who you wouldn't touch in a billion years (well, unless you're into that kind of thing) Advice: Depending on what you're looking for in a guy (sex, serious relationship, friendship etc.) you'll have to MAKE IT VERY CLEAR TO THEM. Srsly. Ask for pics, talk about mundane things. His responses WILL give you a rather proper image of his personality, unless you're "just" an airhead. If you're both into meme-ing up your environs, keep it simple at first. Don't go overboard, remember that you're dating a /b/tard. While you might find taping up a "POOL'S CLOSED" sign in front of the local pool is chuckle-worthy, he'll possibly think burning the image of a loli getting torn apart by 12-inch cocks into the retinas of the whole goddamn city is a pretty funny thing. It would be a good idea to find this out BEFORE meeting him for coffee.

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The grammar, spelling, and language in this article

Sucks. If this was really written by a female /b/tard, she deserves to be violently raped by furries. Needs copyediting.

Edit: Copyediting attempted, might come back and polish it up. -LvB