The Return of the Well Cultured Anonymous/Academia

High school

High School is like boot camp- you pretty much have to go if you want to shoot your gun. The whole concept of high school is to give you a very basic working knowledge that will allow you to do entry level jobs, and thus get a job immediately out of high school. There isn't much that needs to be said about this topic- partly because you should be graduated (or close to it) if you're a /b/tard or simply someone who goes to *chan boards (as all boards are 18-and-up).

Unless you were a superstar or in denial, high school was a total shit time for all of us. Ask any college student, current or graduated, and they'll agree. High school sucks. Do not let any of it get to you. After you leave, there's a good chance you will never see the assholes and skanks at your school again. You can pretty much start over in college. Were you a dork in high school, and never got any women? You can change that all around in college.

A good example of this is a town that (I) live in. Being a small town, everyone is exactly the kind of people you should not be- those people who live here forever, keeping the friends they made in high school. The result of this is that virtually every single soul here is uninteresting, uneducated, untalented, and generic. The glow of high school, with it's football quarterback and head cheerleader, dies down quickly into a messy soup of shit. That guy that's playing linebacker for your local team will probably find himself flipping burgers at McDonalds. That "cute" girl will probably end up getting pregnant and having 30 illegitimate children.

Seriously. Don't let any of the crap that happens to you in high school get to you. Just smile, kick back, and suck it up. It's only four years.

Reasons to graduate high school

• Freaks/Goths/Emo: Generally you view school with something below pessimism. It's stupid, it's idiotic, etc. etc. Well, just think of the incentives of graduating. First, no repeating grades. Why wait till you are 18 to drop out, spend time getting a GED and working at McDonalds/Wendy's? Graduate, have a high school degree and get a better paying job. All that shit the counselors tell you about making more cash with a HS Degree is true.

• Nerds/Geeks/Dorks: Generally you view school with either borderline optimism or borderline indifference. You already know the benefits of graduating, so I won't preach about those.

Handling high school (for those with issues)

Being a /b/tard, you probably find yourself in a love/hate relationship with the entire concept of Highschool. The majority of /b/tards are insanely smart, and you're probably part of them- however, the caveat comes with the fact that most /b/tards aren't exactly A+ material, look or personality wise.

With that being said, "Handling high school" is something of a must. While, as we mentioned above, you should "put up" with high school, trying to find an easy way to have fun there is a bonus. If you have the energy, go make some friends- even the "loser" kids have friends. Don't join any kind of clique or nerdy club, but just enjoy yourself- remember, in 10 years, no-one will really give a shit what you did anyway. High school can suck, but don't become an hero about it. Find some people with common interests and enjoy yourself a bit. It's only four years, and nobody will give a shit about what you did in high school in 10 years.

International Baccalaureate (IB)

The International Baccalaureate is an international program covering 11th and 12th grades. If you have been enticed into taking or considering it, read on to learn the straight facts about it. I am writing from the perspective of a non-American applying to American universities.

• Recent events have shown that the IB is every bit as bureaucratic, inflexible, and arrogant as the education systems it touts itself as replacing and improving. Hence, the only advantage taking the IB gets you is the 30 for 30 Deal: if you get a 30 or above in your Diploma, you can be deemed to have earned 30 credits towards your bachelor's degree in select universities. That potentially means a full year of tuition saved. (Of course, if your state offers Running Start, that doesn't look too impressive.)
• You take six subjects: three at Higher Level, and three at Standard Level. One subject is chosen out of each of two languages, humanities, sciences, mathematics, arts. HL means extra content but not necessarily more depth than SL. In addition, you are required to do the "DP (Diploma Program) core": this means taking a seventh course called Theory of Knowledge, writing an Extended Essay, and fulfilling requirements for Creativity, Activity, and Service.
• The six subjects you choose are graded from 1 to 7. Anything from 5 up is good, and 4 is usually considered the passing grade. A 7 is very hard to get, so a 6 is considered excellent. Know that the IB does not follow any "grade descriptors" you may be shown by your teachers; it grades on a curve so universities know how many students they will receive in a given year. Naturally, it would have been simpler for them just to say a 7 is the top n% of the student population in a particular subject, but that would require them to abandon their pretense of holism.
• Each subject (except arts) is graded based on an external assessment (paper exam) which makes up the majority of your grade, and an Internal Assessment (in-class project) which makes up a substantial minority. Nothing else matters for your final grade; all homework, tests, quizzes, etc. outside of the two assessments is for your benefit only.
• On the flip side, your final grade may not matter, but interim grades do for college applications. Remember, your grades every semester will get factored into your GPA which you need to apply for college. So don't take what I said as an excuse not to do any homework!
• You will apply to college before you do your exams, so the grades colleges will see (besides your 9th, 10th, and 11th grade grades) are your predicted grades, issued by your teachers in the fall of your senior year.
• Make sure you keep track of the source of all the information you put in any work you do for the IB, and cite it in the right place and in the right way.
• The exams are in early May, so there is no excuse for "senioritis" before then.

College admissions

College/university entrance exams

Check to see if the college you want requires ACT or SAT scores. These are little numbers that mean absolutely nothing except how well you can memorize and pump out selected answers for either test. It's incredibly stupid- but for the average /b/tard, it is ripe for abuse.

Tips and tricks

• The "New SAT" doesn't require analogies. Don't even fucking study them. [This advice is for the version of the SAT before this one, and of course carries forward]
• "SAT 2", later renamed the "SAT Subject Tests", have been abolished by the time you read this.
• Do the Khan Academy practice, following the plan it sets out. The practice tests are usually harder than the real thing. I got 100 over my last practice test, for example.
• There is no penalty for guessing wrong. Therefore you should guess every question.
• All questions are passage-based. Brush up on your passage-reading skills; the best way to do that is simply to read, read, read. The passages include historical documents, academic texts, and other real-life works. Vocabulary questions now ask what the meaning of a word as it is used in the passage is, meaning they can be tested through the context.
• For your essay you are now required to analyze a news/opinion piece. You will always be asked to analyze the piece on 3 things: facts/evidence, reasoning, and rhetorical techniques (shit like appeal to emotion, figurative language, all the shit you should have learned in middle school). For the facts section take every major point of the piece, and find a statistic/fact the author uses to support it. For the reasoning section find a use of logic by the author, be it to develop one point or to connect point to point. For the rhetorical techniques section, it's really a mixed bag. If you can find any features of the piece that impress you, good job, write that down. If not, try to put yourself in your examiner's shoes and think what he would be impressed by. As long as you justify it enough you should have no trouble bullshitting your way through this section. The essay is required by many but by no means most schools.
• Learn vocabulary. Your SAT course is likely to provide you with huge vocabulary lists and their definitions, learn those. Make flashcards and do like 20 a day and quiz yourself weekly and go back and relearn the ones you missed. The other method is to read a lot of good books for intellectuals, do crosswords, read the newspaper.
• Practice the test alone, and time yourself. Free time at the end gives you time to access programs on your TI, including cheats.
• Allow yourself time to retake the test if you don't do well on it the first time.
• Tips for test day: At least a week or two in advance, figure out where your test location is, figure out the fastest way to get there. When you get there, familiarize yourself with the environment, know where the restrooms are, where the parking lot is. If you know the exact room number of your test location, and if you are allowed to, try to sit in the room for a bit and familiarize yourself with it, bring some practice problems, or even a full timed practice test and work on it in the room. Point is, reduce as much stress as you can for your test day. DO NOT study the day before the test, it may be tempting, but don't do it. However it is a good idea to do a full timed practice test two days before test day just to warm you up. Start Wrapping up your studying a week in advance, and let that last week just be odds and ends (and the very last practice test two days before test day). Get 8 hours of sleep the night before and set an alarm the next morning, don't be an idiot and get fucked up that week, there's plenty of time to get fucked up in college which you need a good score to get into. On the day of the test, don't worry about anything, do not skip breakfast, do not overkill on coffee. Try to arrive at the test site at least half an hour in advance, leaving space for error. Bring at least two number 2 pencils, a pencil sharpener, a good eraser, a mechanical pencil, a pack of lead, your calculator, and your admission ticket. Don't bubble in a question immediately after answering it, circle the right answer in the test booklet first, fill half the bubbles in when you are half done, then the other half when you are all done, this gives your brain a break in the middle since bubble filling is pretty much mindless busywork. Remember - you would rather leave a problem blank than to fuck it up (most SAT prep instructors and tutors will encourage you to make educated guesses, or make a guess after eliminating one answer you know for sure is wrong, this is a very valid piece of advice). After the test, go celebrate, smoke up, drink up, go eat with your friends, DO NOT discuss the exam, it will make you unnecessarily anxious. That should be it, good luck faggots.
• Buy an advanced Texas Instruments calculator. Then program cheat programs on it. This is how most "geeky" kids get high scores. These programs can be stupidly simple things (such as a program for figuring out quadratics or something), or fucking complex (calculus thingamajigs). Be careful about cheating though, the proctor will report you if caught. Note that the SAT math section does not get much more advanced than Algebra II and maybe some trig.

Penis size

Please keep in mind that your SAT score != Penis size (ATAR for Australians). You will no doubt find people enthralled by their 1600 "Perfect" on the SAT. That's wonderful for them, but for the "rest" of us, it means absolutely nothing. Scholarships tend to frown on such things sometimes, because people who obsess over such tests tend to be very one-track-minded. Even with a score of 400 out of 1600 on the SAT, you could get into a very prestigious University if you have achievements and extra credit activities. Nonetheless, some little dickwad in your school will probably try to obsess over the SAT- trust me, everyone else is laughing at him too.

High school counselors can tell you more about registering or you can go to the following sites:

• SAT Information College Board
• ACT Information ACT Student

Essays

Remember the part above where it says "It's incredibly stupid- but for the average /b/tard, it is ripe for abuse"? Well, most (American) universities have wised up to that. Most good ones (see below) required application essays along with standardized test scores even before the coronavirus happened, and now virtually all of them are test-optional. What this means is that the value of a good SAT score is rapidly decreasing, and a prediction that the SAT will be gone in 10 years doesn't sound nearly as outlandish as it would have 5 years ago.

An application essay is your way of telling the university how you can "contribute to the diversity of their campus". As such, you should have a story from your life ready for them, preferably a sob story. It shouldn't be an outright lie but you should feel free to exaggerate your tribulations, as long as you're technically correct. Suggestive, nonspecific wording is your friend. After all, who's to say occasionally making Mom a cup of tea and taking it to her bedside table doesn't qualify as "caring for a sick parent"?

The college may also ask why you're interested in this particular major, or this particular college, or this particular major at this particular college. For questions like this, do yourself a favor and go to the university website or the website of the department that teaches the major you want. Most likely, they'll have a section or page that tells you why you should go there. Pick a few of the reasons that interest you the most, and mix them up a bit. As long as you're spitting these reasons right back at them, they'll see you're paying attention and you should be alright.

Protip: Do not mention "chan" or "anon".

Paying for it all

Check the universities you're applying for to see if they had special university wide scholarships. There are usually major specific scholarships (ex. science, business, etc.) that one can look into. Most scholarships require you have at least a GPA of over 2.5. Check out scholarship website searches like Fast Web to see what you qualify for. If you can't find a scholarship that fits you, try looking into student loans.

Tertiary Education

Trades

Become a plumber. Check the finances if you doubt this advice. The only downside to becoming a tradey is smelling like shit if you don't wash, and missing out on four years of sex less impressive than that in Rules of Attraction. The upside, though, is that you can use Mario-related pick-up lines legitimately.

College

Before getting into all the administrative stuff be sure to bring these with you:

• Identity card
• Driving license, if you have it
• A United States Passport is considered the gold standard of identification; get one and keep it handy.
• Birth certificate
• Every single school attendance certificate, letter they sent you, or anything related
• An address verification paper, such as a recent electricity bill or bank statement.
• A brain
• A freaking LOT of calmants
• No weapon whatsoever, would be the best way to repeat Colombine.

Administration is the worst thing you'll ever meet there, it can take 3 days just to have a paper signed or simply put in your file.

College/Junior College is a Septic name for an adult day care centre. SRSLY.

Footnote 1:

This, for us Amerikkans, refers to Community College and (some) Colleges. No matter how you twist it, a normal college is much under a University nowadays. The majority of reputable schools are now Universities. That means that unless you're going into a smaller major (such as Education or something), going to a bland state college is four years of waste. This ESPECIALLY applies to "party schools", such as (debating) Florida State. Universities, however, as you can see below, are your ticket to money.

Footnote 2:

Note that many former "State Colleges" have renamed themselves to "State Universities". A good way to check if a State University is just an "adult daycare center" is to go to its Wikipedia page and see what it was called in 1969. An even better way to check if your major at that university is good, though, is to see if that university offers any accredited master's, or even better, PhD programs for that major.

University

University is the name for an institution which offers degrees in a variety of fields. Usually you can do a degree which is enjoyable, or financially viable, or neither. It is impossible to find a degree which is both. However, university is really an opportunity to develop nepotism networks which will result in your future employment. For those of you who believe you'll go onto research, read phdcomics.com. If possible, do well at university. Do not spend every night plastered in some random spot. Do take advantage of the fact booze is often free and girls will likely outnumber guys by a substantial margin. Furthermore, half-decent grades result in the possibility of a master's degree, often a one year program, which in the US is something like an extra twelve grand a year in earning power.

How to make Friends/Meet People

One of the biggest issues all Anons complain about is making friends in college. This is understandable- those who have poor social skills generally have a hard time adjusting to living with tons of people, not to mention doing so in a way that doesn't force them to go out and meet people. Thus, a Well Cultured Anonymous needs to learn how to deal with this shit- and actually get outside.

1. st RULE: Get the fuck off the computer. No, seriously. Stop fapping to /h/ (which is bad to do constantly anyway), stop wasting your time on /b/ or on video games. WoW is right out, and makes you look like a tard. In general, people are cool with you being on the PC occasionally (like, for chatting, studying, etc), but if all you do is sit in your dorm room, no-one will want to hang with you. Ever. If your college is in a rural area, or even a suburban area, go sit outside, get some sun, and talk to some of the people that walk by. You'd be surprised how quickly this simple act can improve your reputation or image on a college campus. For an urban college, sit at a cafe, coffee shop, or some such place to achieve the same results. Don't even mention anything to do with the interwebs. Just hang out and be yourself. You'll have time to get on your computer, just don't spend all fucking day on it.
2. nd RULE: Keep your door open. Once you have no reason to hide (fapping), keep your door open and hang out with people. One of the worst things you can do in any college/uni is be secluded- so just kinda relax in public. Going to any Uni is partially about sucking it up and learning to live with a bunch of people and lose your privacy- so you may as well accept it instead of go kicking and screaming.
3. rd RULE: Party. No, seriously. Get outside and go to some parties- even if you don't drink, just bring a soda and chill out with people. If you go to the right parties (as in, not "let's all get hammered and have gay sex" frat parties), you'll meet lots of people. For the most part, you'll quickly realize that most people (girls) are kinda slutty and annoying, but that's part of the experience: learning about people you hate.
4. th RULE: Don't overdo it. Nothing spells "I just got out of Highschool" out faster than someone who goes nuts, parties all day, doesn't study, and hits on girls obsessively. One bit part of most Universities (especially the higher end ones in the US) is learning the delicate balance of the MTWRF grind: that is, you work your ass off on the week, then party your ass off in the weekend. Dumbasses will marvel at your ability to stay out till 5 AM on Saturday, yet pull straight As on the week. Professors are actually wierded out if you study TOO much- so learn the balance. You can find that some of the most intelligent students are also some of the hardest partyers. They just know when to party and when not to party.
5. th RULE: Learn to handle women correctly. Just because she flirts with you doesn't mean you have a sure thing- just play it cool. Too many Anon go fucking nuts in college because of the amount of women, which is crazy. While this doesn't mean "ignore them", you can do more damage by being stalker-ish creepy than you can by just being cool and relaxed. Just like angsty 4chan threads say, you don't actually NEED a girlfriend immediately.
6. th RULE: Never say no (if you can get away with it). For example, if someone asks you if you want to go out to dinner, go out to dinner, unless you're swamped with work. Learn to do stuff like this on a whim, so long as it doesn't kill your schedule. Don't get into a habit of scheduling your whole day out with stuff like "Go exercise alone, go eat alone, sleep a bit" and that kind of thing: be flexible and make more friends.
7. th RULE: Get in with the right crowd. NEVER hang out with the kiddies who party all day- it will hurt your grades. You can enjoy yourself with them, but don't get too involved. The same goes for people who obsessively study, do pot, or any of that shit- getting too involved can kill you. This also includes really insanely heavy student unions and that kinda stuff- like Debate teams that practice 10 hours a week.

How To Do Well In Class

Here's the part where we tell you how to work it all out because you suck.

1. Just damned listen to what your teacher says!
   • This will normally be so efficient that it will cut down on your personal work a lot. Some can even understand it all properly just by listening, which means nothing to do later.
2. Think, don't just listen and write down, try to understand it, even a little, on the spot.
   • Again, this is for the best. Trying to understand right away will make it simpler because your mind will be into it. And on top of that, the moment you understand, writing it down and remembering it will be much easier.
3. Do your freaking work.
   • Do I even have to tell you why?
4. Do MOAR!
   • By getting into it and trying to get a bit further in each topic by yourself, not only will you kill some time, but you will learn a lot more. The key to learning is to enjoy it, no one really likes to work, but if you find a way to use your lessons for something, do so, it'll be much better for you than just learning without getting it.
5. Go get a teacher the second you have a problem.
   • This is a hard part, no one likes to ask for help, especially from teachers, but it'll be another way to learn well.
6. Quit going to /b/.
   • Cannot stress this enough (for obvious reasons), though I know most people can't just quit cold turkey, so at least limit your visits. Once you've (possibly) topped the class, go right ahead and brag on 4chan... not that anyone will care; you will most probably be going toe-to-toe with internet tough guys trying to increase their e-penis size.
7. In general, just quit the Internet.
   • You may not notice how much time you waste on the internet, I personally remember spending my days on IRC, doing nothing but watching empty chatrooms being filled and emptied. Since I quit IRC, I have so much free time on my hands, that I get hella bored (and that I ended up on /b/ too), But now i can spend some time on productive stuff, i had many projects on hold that I was able to work on, I even started coding again, i hadn't done that since my finals. I'm working and it takes a lot of time, so I don't see most of the free time I gained, but I know I've gotten more productive, less lazy, cleaner (mind wise), etc.
   • So, for your sake, 'reduce' your internet time.

Acting like you have some sense

Okay, let's face it. In University/College/whatever, European or American, you will drink. You will party. That's part of the fun of going- you're able to get away with a lot of shit on the basis that everyone wants to get away with it just like you.

However, learning control is a zen thing of being in college. Remember, you are a Uni student first, NOT a partier first- that basically means that despite your best wishes, you are there to study. School comes first, partying is later.

The best way to understand this is to just act normally. Don't go out and party every night, especially on weeknights, even for "hump day" shit, unless you know you can afford the hangover the next day. It can't be stressed enough: Work your ass off all week, party your ass off all weekend. Barhopping nightly may be fun for one week, but it's not only expensive, but it's also incredibly detrimental in the long run.

Still, with that being said, have fun and do what you want. Just learn how to manage your life or else you'll fuck up.

Girls in MY University?

It goes without saying that most Anons can find awesome girls/guys at Universities. However, for those of you who are excessively slow (Read: geeky), there are a few pointers that will help you out in your quest for Ass (TM):

• Don't jump on every person who gives you the time of day. I'm serious. Just because they're potentatial lays it doesn't mean they're into you in any kind of relationship way. It sucks, but if they aren't interested, you're fucked.
• On that note, dancing and a beer != relationship. Don't expect them to be in love with you after a party.
• Don't be creepy. Stalking around the dorms/halls/whatever is creepy.
• Be nice. Just be polite and stuff- don't be a kiss ass, but don't be crude either.
• Never hide in your dorm room. You will never meet people that way. Ever.

Consent

Most universities use the following rules to determine consent for a sexual act:

• it has to be informed (if you lie to her about what you'll do with her, it doesn't count)
• it has to be affirmative (she has to say or do something that makes you "reasonably believe" she consented. Just because she doesn't say no or resist your advances doesn't mean she consents. Many universities add that it has to be enthusiastic: it's not consent if it's hesitantly or reluctantly given)
• it has to be intelligent (if she's under the age of consent in your jurisdiction, drunk, on drugs, or asleep, her consent is invalid)
• it has to be freely given (you can't threaten her if she doesn't give consent)
• it is revocable at any time (even if you're both naked and in bed, she can withdraw consent, and if you go in further, you are guilty of sexual assault)
• it is onetime only (you can't rely on her consent on a previous occasion, even if it was to the exact same act you want to do with her now, or on the fact that you're dating or married)

Note that double jeopardy applies only to criminal trials. Say you're acquitted of rape (which will take a lot of time and money you'll never see again). You can't be rearrested and retried for rape, but you can still be:

• tried for anything else you did to her (assault, theft, etc)
• sued by her (and she only needs to convince the jury that there's a 51% likelihood you raped her)
• expelled by the university (there's no jury or many of the protections you would have if you were on trial)