The Liliad/Liliad Thread 5
Lily's story continues...
OP here. Same action as before, probably a couple hours of story, no dumping this time around.
I'll give you guys a few minutes to find the thread while I reply to emails (dozens, what are you people doing?) and then we will get going.
OP here, thanks guys. I am currently brewing coffee in order to make sure I type at the speed of light. Also that other thread is goddamn impressive. Also also to everyone who got an email from me that says "yes" or "thanks" or "no pics", sorry for being curt, I just had to get through all of them.
Also, was that the real Humbert-kun at the bottom of that thread? Fuck, wow.
Then let's get going.
(If Humbert-kun is reading this, your story was of the highest caliber, I only wish it had not ended so suddenly)
Last time we left the OP was sitting on a plane (I believe) with his future all planned out. I was going to get Lily no matter what it took, come hell or high water or waiting a few years of sucking moot's dick I'd do it all in order to have her. But being in college doesn't leave one with much free time, so I knew that the physical relationship (both sexual and just talking face-to-face) wasn't going to happen any time soon. We started to communicate via the social network again, expertly identified by anon in the previous thread, almost solely via chat and occasionally with little notes on each other's profiles. As my profile was almost entirely empty with one friend, her, it didn't look very normal. But whatever, I had better things to do than populate my fake profile with a bunch of Latina girls. So, yes, that was a thing I considered sometimes but not really.
I loved seeing her online, loved asking her about her day, telling her about my own.. She grew to love my stoner idiot fag roommate and the other characters on my hall, I learned to hate her female friends as they were all catty bitches who did not know they were attending school with a goddess. And her mentions of boys -- ooh boy.
Maybe she just did it to annoy me but when she talked about being asked to dances or having boys ask her out or etc it made me see red every time. Suddenly she was not underage b& who was going to get ignored by everyone, but a decently hot and completely exotic item in her high school. It was logical for the boys to want her and to compete for her affection. And while I had age on them, I was not an athlete or a possessor of rugged Latino good looks. So each time she brought up a Diego or Juan or Bill (see what I did there?), I struggled with the forces that made me want to ask more and those that made me want to avoid the topic entirely. It was confusing.
Yet jealousy, at least, meant I liked her. Loved her perhaps. I was still trying to test my feelings, ensure they were that strong, and wait her out. After a couple months, of course, I was sick of waiting.
I told her as much - I didn't want to wait any longer. I missed her and I was avoiding all other girls in favor of her and I wanted her terribly. She asked if she would be my real, actual girlfriend. I said yes. She asked if we could do things that normal couple things. I said yes. She asked if we could be open about it. I said....yeah, I said that was a possibility.
Lily didn't like this. She was 16 and in her mind that was plenty old. She relayed a quick anecdote about a friend of hers who was fucking one of their teachers (wat) which was supposed to make me feel like our relationship was fine to go public with. This made 0 sense to me and I still wonder about it, as other than that Lily was a pretty smart girl.
"Some pervert hanging out with your friend isn't the same as us, Lily. Our families, our ages... It is complicated, too complicated."
Lily did not like that at all.
So Lily ended the conversation about us getting back together. She was not content with my answers and I guess I failed the test and that was that. We went back to normal discussion - a week later I tried bringing up the same thing again and she told me she didn't want to talk about it.
So now I saw two pretty clear pathways open to me. Be open about it or continue waiting. The latter option sounded like the worst thing to happen since Reagan's presidency and the former sounded as impossible as tearing down the Berlin Wall.
So I chose neither, of course, and went back to talking.
That lasted for at most another month before I brought it up again. I was miserable, having her so close and yet so far. Our relationship was coming back, or rather our friendship, and I wanted it to be fully the way it had been. She was more mature now, more intelligent, more beautiful - all things that made me want her more.
"Lily, how can I get you back?"
I started a conversation with that so it wouldn't be lost in the shuffle of our conversations, as my subtle hints often were.
"I don't want it to be a secret."
Gulp. However it was time to think about it logically - we were countries away from one another, it wasn't like we'd walk down the street hand-in-hand. I was not going to be able to see her that summer, due to college and me being a dumbass, but the next winter was a definite thing. So we'd be "open" via our conversations, really it'd just be me telling other people I had a girlfriend, which I was doing already, and her maybe telling people she had a boyfriend.
That didn't sound so bad. It couldn't possibly backfire, so I finally agreed.
"Okay. It doesn't have to be a secret."
The emoticon-filled message I received from her was stupid and I should have thought it was stupid, but instead I just felt my heart expand with happiness. She'd been waiting and I finally came around and made it happen. Or gave in to her expert manipulation, I don't know. Within moments we were in a relationship via social network, my empty profile suddenly getting a lot of friend requests.
Of course I did not accept any of them and just read the very confused comments on her page, laughing a little, mostly just confusing since they were in Spanish and I am not a smart man.
And thus began the third era of our relationship, by my count. Maybe the fourth or fifth or sixth or something if you decide to add in her one-way childish obsession or our initial friendship or others. But this 'mystery boyfriend' period was certainly better than the breakup period but nothing like the Summer of Sex (which I still had to convince myself wasn't a months-long feverish dream).
Being the mystery boyfriend was kind of fun. Lots of messages from her friends asking me who I was, if I went to school with them, etc. This is probably where the average /b/tard would drown in a pile of his own jizz, but I did my best to not look at her friend's profiles. (Joking, obviously I am solely into Asians -- er, half-Asians) This is probably the period my Spanish improved the most other than during our little tutoring sessions when she was younger, though I never replied to any of them for fear of my white-ness being made obvious through whatever I said.
So that was a little diversion every day, logging on to the profile, deleting messages, waiting for Lily to log on to ask her how her day was. We weren't saying "I love you" just yet, or even "I miss you", just speaking slightly more warmly.
I reminded her that I still liked her, not that it really needed to be said, I guess I was just fishing for her to say she liked me too. She didn't say it initially, which was annoying. I said I was very happy she was my girlfriend, but she still seemed slightly...reticent to fully commit to me again.
This was totally understandable, I didn't even deserve a second chance, so I was going to put up with anything. I made her wait for more than a year while I sorted my shit out, and she had only made me wait a few months.
Patience is hard though. I wanted to hug her and kiss her and tell her how much she mattered to me.
Eagle-eyed readers, this is where the flowers come back in. I remembered sending them to her as her "secret admirer" or whatever, and I started this again. Every little holiday, before dances, sometimes just because... a bouquet of flowers delivered to her home. Always from anonymous, always clearly from me. I may have overdone it, but her parents probably thought a drug lord's son was obsessed with her. Which would make sense because South America.
I did really like picking them out, different flowers, different colors, different things to put a smile on her face. In general being an OP-level faggot. I am sure people in class behind me noticed me constantly ordering flowers and I am beyond sure that it did not help my social standing at all. Not that I had a very good standing beforehand anyway.
She would sometimes put up a picture of her with the flowers on her profile. There would be dozens of comments, jealousy from her friends, reminders from other guys that they would do more than that for her... It felt good. I was doing something real for her to let her know how I felt.
Sometimes she'd say it was too much, I had to slow down, stop entirely, or spend less money -- sometimes I listened, sometimes I didn't. It was worth just imagining the smile on her face. The consternation on the faces around her didn't matter.
Hopefully you have some happy feels right now. I don't know if you've ever given a nice gift to the girl you love, and I know you all have one, but hopefully you have and know that feel. It is pretty incredible.
The gift-giving was awesome. The chats were awesome. And after a while the relationship was totally normalized in my mind. I was, then, 21 and she was 16. We weren't the same age but the complete taboo had gone away. I was thinking of this as fine. When other people asked about my girlfriend I started to give more info, the country she lived in, even her name. They were impressed in general, thinking I was an international playboy cool guy batman, which of course I am. I do not know how much Lily told people. Early on she was telling them a lot - I remember when she asked if it was alright that her friends knew my name. We were talking on the phone, which we only did every few months, and I heard laughter in the background. Lily then hushed them quickly, saying "This is OP! Shhhh!" There was immediate silence and I felt a cold grip of fear, which is dumb but true. They knew my name - shit was getting real.
I asked what her friends knew about me, she said it was just her best friends, they knew I was a white guy from the states who was older.
My details I shared about her were fine, they were small and non-identifying, but her friends really knew about me. How long would it be before they knew WAY more? Too much more? Before they told on me?
I tried to reason with myself, it was fine, it was normal, we weren't breaking any laws.
Of course instead of doing that I snapped at Lily, telling her she couldn't just tell people about me.
"This wasn't supposed to be a secret. Not this time."
The disappoint and mild anger in her voice grabbed me by the heartstrings.
It took me about two months but I had managed to go back on my word already. I know I'm a shit and don't deserve love, but I was also a scared shit who didn't know what to say. That conversation ended swiftly, I said I was sorry "but-" and she cut me off, saying she had to go.
First test of relationship: failed.
I was very disappoint in myself. We didn't talk for a couple days, which for us was kind of a long time. She had asked for it not to be a secret and I had said yes and then I had yelled at her like...like a fucking parent when she treated me like a normal boyfriend. I had no idea where the line was between normal cautiousness and trying to respect her wishes. I still don't, not really.
The incident blew over after some time. We didn't talk about it specifically but she referenced me by name once in the open (on her profile), and I didn't freak out about it, even leaving a "like", or something along those lines. It was a shaky, nervous feeling to play on the edge like this. But we were not in person, we weren't breaking laws, it was fine. It was fine it was fine it was fine. I lay awake at night sometimes. Just tried not to fuck up again.
Yeah, I know guys, none of us are perfect and I was going to not talk about that bit but I think it was more important than the weight I placed on it at the time. (foreshadowing: CHECK)
I accepted a couple friend requests, letting her best friends see my empty profile, though I still never replied to them, except for the occasional ola. I know, I know. I'm a fag, but OP is always a fag.
I just didn't like them knowing my name. It made me uncomfortable.
This time, though, she wasn't my secret girlfriend. We were openly in a relationship. It wasn't a secret. I just tried to respect what she wanted, what she needed.
But I didn't bring up all these fears with her. Maybe I should have. I was scared shitless almost as often as I was happy.
OP HERE - Another swift break to say, thank those providing free bumps but don't feed them.
Time for the dramatic downturn we were bracing for, I'll try and deliver it in a way that doesn't make you slit your wrists or cry too hard. If you read my spoiler you know about this.
Lily was enjoying our relationship and I was, warily, coming around to the idea of her getting to be as open about it as I was. But nothing like that ever lasts and hey, guess what, fucking a 16 year old is still not chill by most people's standards, even if you first did it when she was 13 (fantastic logic).
So someone was going to find out. Somehow I knew this and just hoped it wouldn't be someone who would murder me. Unfortunately it turned out to be someone who absolutely wanted to murder me.
When their daughter started getting flowers, started talking about a mystery love, etc, Lily's parents did notice. Her mom is a terrifying Asian tiger mom at heart, and anything that could influence her daughter's academics was not good. Her father just wanted to protect his little girl, and someone with too much money to blow on her was likely not a safe boyfriend. So they started to investigate and after she left her computer open it took them three or four seconds to find her profile, find mine, and get very suspicious. (This is 75% assumption, as I am not them)
Obvious next part is obvious but we'll still go nice and slow to make sure you enjoy your feel-fest, uncomfortable as it might be. If I were more clever I'd make some comparison between sex with Lily and this moment but I am not that smart and am amped up on a million+ cups of coffee so even stringing together a sentence that doesn't run on and on forever is difficult hey wait a second is this still one sentence where was I let's get back to the actual story alright so her parents.
They found the profile, which as you remember was the same name as my AOL profile. They didn't know that name was me, but started to pay attention. Mystery was solved at some point, I don't know when, as they saw my name mentioned. They must have been suspicious before or something, as just my first name was enough confirmation for both Lily's parents to lose their minds. Again - this is second-hand information I am relaying, so mistakes are assumed.
Lily didn't show up for a few days on chat and finally she called me from a number I didn't recognize. It was obviously from her country, and I knew no one else who would call me from there, so I answered. "My parents think we're dating."
Cue me shitting my pants yet again - I think I do it a minimum of once per chapter. Seriously though, my heart sank, my stomach dropped, my bowels, um, did whatever they did. I was terrified. If they thought this now, maybe they had evidence of the before, oh god someone knew. SOMEONE KNEW.
Not being a secret was fine until we were actually not a secret.
She told me they had seen my name on her profile and asked her and she said of course not. They asked if we still talked and she said yes, assuming they already knew. That was a contradiction in their minds, and they started to question further - how long had we been talking? Had I been inappropriate with her? Etc. Lily said she got through the questions but oh jesus hearing her say what they had asked her terrified me.
Could they press charges? Could they hire someone to kill me? Could they block me from seeing her again? Worst of all, could they or would they TELL MY PARENTS?
It was just suspicion, just suspicion, nothing more. I had to remind myself of that constantly. But the pieces had to be falling into place for them - my visits, Lily's "new friend" that one summer I was there (maybe me being a paranoid /x/ fag, but I still considered it), maybe even some sort of physical sign of the amount of sex we'd had. What did they know? What were they going to do?
I lived in limbo for a couple weeks. I don't really remember going to classes, going out to drink (though I did this often, as otherwise I just lay awake in my bed all night), or talking to anyone. I was in a state of terror, feeling like my entire future was in the hands of someone else.
There was no evidence. There wasn't. They couldn't prove anything. The glove didn't fit so they had to acquit.
As careful readers know my relationship with my parents is at level zero, we never talk and they just throw money at me when I seem needy either emotionally or physically or etc. While having an ATM parent is nice when you're a faggot in college pretending to be independent, when you have a problem it is nice to have someone to talk to. Or something, I wouldn't really know.
So my cell phone rang with an unknown number. I picked up nervously - as I have no friends, calls are almost universally a bad thing. We could let out an ironic laugh here when you realize I didn't have my own father's cell in my phone, but there you have it. This was the first time we'd talked since I'd been home briefly the previous January, after the trip to see 16-year-old Lily, and probably the first conversation initiated by him since I was ten years old.
Fear meter turned up to 11. Like watching Paranormal Activity, but actually scary instead of stupid.
"I heard from Lily's father, couple things I thought we should talk about."
WORST FEARS CONFIRMED. I looked for a ledge to throw myself off of. My life was over.
To those offering advice, you know your OP was stupid (is stupid) and scared and not thinking. Plus no chance, and I wasn't going to call them out of the blue to say "oh hey I heard somehow that you think I was with your daughter, doesn't matter how I know".
Talking with my dad is the worst even when we're not discussing me going to prison 5ever for statutory raping the hell out of a little girl. He didn't bring it up like that of course.
I only really remember the first part of the conversation, or rather the first thing he said. My terror was untenable, so I sat down and tried to not look like I was having a stroke on the quad.
Approximate quotes, then: "Sounds like you've been talking to his daughter for a bit. The younger one, Penny or something. Is that true?" "DERP DERP DERP" "Anyway he wasn't very happy about it regardless. Just tell me, what is happening between the two of you?" "We're friends, yeah." - the closest I could come to admitting, and obviously saying wayyy too much for a suspicious, worried parent. "You shouldn't be friends with kids. Find someone your own age, alright?" "Right." "He's angry, OP. Really angry. This will impact our working together, that's why I'm calling." (Of course he wasn't calling out of concern for his son, that would be crazy!) "Okay well, nothing inappropriate happened, we just talk. She helps me with Spanish, I help her find a college. Normal stuff."
There was a pause and I thought maybe I had explained my way out of it. Before I could give myself a massive high five he took a breath.
"That's not what he's saying. Look, you have to talk to him yourself, I'm not taking care of this for you."
There was no way I was calling Lily's dad to explain that it was fine and he didn't have to be angry and ha ha what a huge misunderstanding this all was! He seemed to have made a decision, and that he'd call my father about his personal life meant he was beyond pissed. I was fucked every which way and knew it. And not talking to Lily at all, her profile looked like she hadn't been online since our initial phone call, was making me more irritable and highstrung than ever.
OP is smart, so he made a decision.
Do nothing worked for a little while. My academics suffered, my blood pressure soared, in general the stress level started to kill me. I imagined Lily's father seeing a lawyer -- he was a ruthless bastard, much like my father, thus why they worked well together. If he had evidence... I thought about what he might be able to find. He had no idea how to computer, as most my intern work revolved around helping him print word documents, so he couldn't have done that.
Would Lily have admitted everything? No way. She'd be in as much shit as I would be if she did. So...he had to have nothing, right? Just his suspicious and a whole lot of very convenient timing. Also, of course, the flowers stopped at the exact moment he accused me via Lily. I realized that way too late to keep the flow going -- but yeah, that felt like 100% confirmation from my perspective, so I figured it would be 101% for him.
But it felt like I was fucking dying. An anvil on my chest that got heavier every day while I tried to ignore it. I was still in love with her, and that love was about to derail the course of my life. Yet I couldn't let go of it, of her, no matter what.
I don't know when exactly, a few weeks after my talk with my dad, I got the lovely "new email" bing-bong. It was my dad again, we had now set a new record for communication in a single year. A loving tear fell down my cheek as I opened it. "Call Mr. Lily's Father. Love, Dad." Damn it.
After getting absolutely ruined on that semester's finals, since I studied for three to five seconds before getting hit with a round of terror, I knew I had to do something.
So I decided to call him. I gathered up my balls and did a training montage and picked up the phone. Deny deny deny deny was my plan, and we'd see if I was as smooth as I hoped I was.
You know the feeling of when you are walking a survivor in Dead Rising back to the safe area but you know they are going to die due to being a dumbass? And yet you care about them and want them to survive...wait, bad example.
You know the feel of when you finally have the frog suit in Mario and then a fish hits you before you get to swim through a current and it is a total fucking bullshit waste...no, another bad example.
You know when you are just about to cross the finish line in first place in Mario Kart and you hear the "whoop whoop whoop" of a blue shell which fucks you delicate asshole within an inch of being the greatest winner? That is sort of like this feel. Ecstasy turned to agony in a millisecond because one person decided to be a dick.
I was scared and worried that this was it for the life I had planned. I wanted to be a businessperson and make money and be in a loving relationship (preferably with Lily). I wanted to play vidya games and eat tater tots with her. I wanted to be fat and old and happy and have little kinda-asian kinda-/b/tard kids running around our house. It felt like it might happen and it seemed like everything was pointing in the right direction, pointing towards a happy ending.
And then an angry dad decided I was a monster who had ruined his precious, perfect daughter. He wasn't going to have none of that and based purely on suspicion chose to do everything he could to ruin me.
I was thousands and thousands of miles away from him and her. I had no way to talk to her. I had no one who knew the situation I was in, it was completely internal except to mention to a few friends that "my girlfriend and I are going through a rough time". But how to tell them it was because her dad thought I had raped her? That he was ruining the tiny bit of reputation I had with my own father? That a grown man had it out for me and I was the only one who could solve the problem?
There are no words for the feels.
Maybe you've been in this situation, in a way, and can kind of relate. It feels like the world is out to get you. Like moot himself has looked down from heaven and decided you are not worthy of happiness.
So I called Lily's dad.
"Listen faggot. You are old and don't matter any more. In a year your job will be mine. You can't touch me and I could ruin you any time I want to. You're worth nothing. You're the past and I'm the future. And yeah, I fucked your daughter and I loved it. I'll probably do it again. Probably a whole lot of times. Go fuck yourself, you can't do anything to me."
While that was what I planned to say, kind of, what came out instead was a scared little boy --
"Hi, Mr. Lily's father, I heard you wanted me to call you."
He asked me why I was talking to his daughter, did I know how she was, etc. He said she was just a little girl and it was not appropriate for me to treat her like anything other than that. He knew we were friends and had been for a long time, per our many years of knowing one another, but he wasn't comfortable with how close we appeared to be. He went on and on and on and I said nothing, letting him get it all out, which he did, unfortunately getting more and more angry with each sentence rather than more and more calm. By the end it sounded like he was spitting with rage --
"Stay away from her! You are a grown man, what you're doing is disgusting!"
It was the sort of thing I had figured I deserved from the very moment I had had sex with her. The thought of that moment mixed with this one. It was kind of disgusting, what I'd done, if I were being a predator. But I loved her. Could I say that?
"We're friends. I'm sorry if it seemed like I crossed the line. I like talking with her, she is a smart girl and I think she needs friends from back home."
"Sure, but you're not that person, OP. Stay away from my daughter."
"What if she wants to talk to me?"
Things seemed to be getting very final very quickly. He had stopped short of the accusation I thought he was going to make, but he was clearly adamantly opposed to whatever it was we were doing.
I didn't think I could change his mind. But I also wasn't going to let him win.
"I've been nothing but appropriate with Lily, and I will be in the future."
That sounds a lot braver than whatever drivel I actually said, but that's the basic gist of it.
He got angry again and closed out the conversation seething with anger.
"Stay away from her. It isn't right."
He could tell me to not talk to her but that didn't mean I was going to listen to him, of course. She was 16 and she wasn't some sort of precious doll who shouldn't be spoiled. Girls her age got into all sorts of shit. She was not a little girl. Maybe she was when we started, and maybe that was where his anger came from, but she was not now. They couldn't stop her.
This was quickly proven when we started talking again. Our first chat was stilted and awkward and I was at first quite confused.
I could write it in my Spanish but I won't bother, you'll just run to Google Translate and I'll save you the clicks. But we talked in all Spanish for the first time.
"Sorry I've been away, had a thing with my parents." "Yeah" "Back now though, I'm so happy to talk to you again."
I clicked her profile open, noting her relationship status was now hidden, I was nowhere to be seen. Hm.
"I'm sure you have homework we can talk more later"
Oh. I was a high school friend now, or so I assumed. A somewhat smart plan that I played along with. We talked about classes, though summer break made it tough to actually say much of anything. It was weird but after a while it got slightly more normal. She wanted to call me after a couple weeks of fake-high school pal chatting, and we set a time she would call me from a friend's home. It was our first talk since the parent explosion, and I worried about what she might say. But I wasn't going to fucking give up, that was for sure. If anything this entire disaster had cemented my desire to be with her against all odds.
She understood where my desire to keep us a secret came from, finally. She said her dad asked about boys constantly, seeming to test the water to see if I'd popped up again or if another boy had. Her life had been miserable when her dad decided that I'd been molesting her for years, with him taking her phone, computer, etc, treating her like an infant despite her age. Lily was sad and angry and didn't understand why this relationship made her father so angry. She had really thought the two of us wasn't all that abnormal, just a slight age difference between people who loved each other. Going on, Lily said she knew she couldn't talk about "the stuff we did when I was 13" but the rest could be open. Or so she had thought and hoped.
It turned out the one major hole was her friends. Her dad asked one of them about Lily's boyfriend. That friends knew my name and knew I was from America. That was his proof that he'd been latched onto - the exact thing that at first made me angry and then made Lily pissed that I was angry about it. I couldn't believe how direct the link was but didn't rub it in Lily's face.
So her dad had more than suspicion. He knew that she had a secret/mysterious boyfriend from America with my first name. I mean, who the fuck else could it be?
Obviously this meant the two of us had to be as underground as possible about being in touch. Her dad knew more than I had at first suspected. But nothing was going to keep me from talking to Lily, even an angry dad. I had talked with him and we had seemed to reach an extremely uneasy peace. So, this was our new normal. Utter secrecy from absolutely everyone (the way I had initially wanted it to be), but still constant contact. I missed her, she missed me. She even started to say she liked me again, which to say the least I appreciated a lot. We weren't up to love yet...not again, but I hoped the day was coming (stupidly, romantically). Hearing her voice say she missed me when we hung up the phone felt very nice.
We had agreed to call every now and then, without her ever using her own phone, and to keep up her chats as her parents were in no way intelligent enough to keep track of those (presumably) (no, not a plot twist waiting to happen).
I loved this girl. But now people were starting to find out. Her father was convinced, my father likely was as well. Her mother and sister...hmm, likely in the same boat, though I didn't worry about them quite as much (maybe I should have).
I was going down for the final "internship" the winter of my senior year in college. She'd be 17 and I'd still be 21, pretty close to totally fine by my count. But I'd be seeing her dad in person every day -- counting down towards the day I replaced him, which everyone knew about.
It was not going to be pretty.
I tried to live in the present, the summer of an extra class and a shitty part time job. It wasn't fun and I wished I had found a weekend or something to go see Lily, but oh well. Senior year began. We were moving towards another meet-up, likely the ugliest one yet. But. Well. I'd wade through a sea of hard moments to be with her.
I girded up my loins and prepared.
End part this part, I forget what number we are on. Next thread