Temple of Doom

Anonymous Sat 02 Jan 2016 01:37:09 No.660852050

Quoted By: >>660853530 >>660859005 >>660860398 >>660865404 >>660865587 >>660868789 >>660870294 >>660871809 >>660877171 >>660881627
Autist stories thread?

>>Be in first grade, private school (public school district I'm in is notoriously awful and dangerous)
>Other kids are all already friends because their rich parents are co-workers
>I'm sitting by myself at recess, teacher comes up to me
>"Shogun you look lonely, you should go play with that boy over there"
>She's pointing to the brightest redhead ginger I'd ever seen in my entire life
>Kid's playing tetherball by himself and going really hard
>Whiffing every other shot
>I go over to say hi, he just looks at me
>Suddenly starts screeching and making explosion noises
>Punches full force at the tetherball and whiffs
>Ginger kid screams with rage and then asks to hold my hand
>I don't know what to do so we walk to lunch together and sit next to each other
>Kid takes out two halves of a sandwich
>Sandwich is a little bit of jelly and pats of fucking butter
>The two halves are different sizes
>Ginger kid screams out "MOM YOU MADE THEM WRONG THEY'RE WRONG WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"
>Bursts into tears
>Teacher sees this happening
>Clearly doesn't get paid enough for this shit, sends me to take him to the nurse's office
>Find out his last name is Temple
>According to both Temple and the teachers, I'm his new best friend.

And so begins a story spanning elementary and middle school where my social life and sanity were destroyed by this kid.

Anonymous Sat 02 Jan 2016 01:38:36 No.660852303 report
Quoted By: >>660853530 >>660870905

>>Turns out that even among the other first graders, Temple is known as a fucking weirdo
>Has been given the nickname "The Temple of Doom"
>I have no friends so I play with him at recess and stuff.
>He has another screaming/crying episode at school involving someone informing him that his pencils are, in fact, not rocketships
>His mom's called to pick him up
>She's English, whole Temple clan is from England and moved to the U.S. a little before Temple of Doom was born
>"You must be Anon! Thank you for being friends with my son! He never seems to be able to find friends!"
>Gee, I wonder why
>Mom invites me to their house for a playdate
>Too polite to decline
>Go over there after school the next day, Temple of Doom tells me that his parents are aliens, he's an alien, and his little sister is the alien queen and they're going to kill me
>I'm in first grade and this kid acts like a fucking alien, i'm scared
>Get to his house, his sister's a year younger and immediately spits on me, hugs me, and starts screaming
>In that order
>His dad's home, I wave to him
>he stares at me and turns to his wife
>"What is this little one doing here?" he says in a total monotone
>meanwhile Temple of Doom has his hands down his pants and is squirming and moaning
>Mom asks him if he has to pee, he sprints to the toilet
>leaves bathroom door open, stands like 3 ft (approx 1 meter in his English brain) away from toilet
>pulls pants all the way down, pisses all over the wall
>I'm now fucking convinced that he was right and the Temple family are aliens
>Hide in a closet for the rest of the time i'm there till my mom picks me up

Anonymous Sat 02 Jan 2016 01:41:00 No.660852709 report
Quoted By: >>660853530

>>First and second grade continue with this shit
>kid does loads of weird stuff, cries and screams constantly
>still convinced he's an alien overlord or something
>Our moms met when my mom came to pick me up the first time
>they became best friends
>My mom is generally unlikeable and has no friends besides the mother of the Temple of DOom
>Mom forces me to keep being friends with the weirdo so she can hang out with his cool mom


>3rd Grade, Temple of Doom follows me wherever I go
>This prevents me from making new friends, so I play with him at recess
>We're on this metal zipline thing and we're taking turns.
>Temple of Doom screaming at the top of his lungs whenever he goes, it's like 6ft off the ground and 8 ft long
>I'm behind him and I push him to help him get some speed, I feel this warm wet splatter hit my face
>Look up, see if it's raining
>Wish that it was
>See a wet spot on temple of doom's shorts
>I slowly process what just hit me and am moritified
>The Temple of Doom is being flooded
>Kid's giggling gleefully as piss trickles down his leg, it's neverending
>He screams out "It's so warm it feels like a warm bath"
>This gets a nearby teacher's attention
>"Anon, take Temple of Doom to the nurse's office and get him changed"
>Whythefuckisthismyjob
>Temple of Doom has his hands down his pants and begins to cry
>"I'm an alien the nurse is going to find out my secret!"
>Sprints away, shithead teacher tells me to go after him
>I chase him down till I find him hiding out behind the dumpster
>He refuses to leave, I can't just leave him
>I sit there in silence as he makes patterns on the ground using trash
>Says he's summoning his people with a signal
>Quickly turns around and puts his trash-and-piss-covered hands on my face
>"Thank you human for not revealing my secret. You will be the last to die in the invasion"
>talking in this robot voice that sounded like a prepubescent Squidward
>His mom comes to pick him up in about 15
>the summoning signal actually worked

Anonymous Sat 02 Jan 2016 01:51:52 No.660854304 report

>>This is toward the end of third grade
>Mom dumped me off at the library for a few hours while she went and did who knows what
>I was already up to date on Harry Potter, nothing to read
>Head librarian (we're still bros to this day) shows me that they have a comic book section
>I check out a few and bring them to school for silent reading time
>Guess who fucking finds out I have comic books?
>Lend them all (there were like 5 of them) to Temple of Doom after I was done
>Kid finishes them in a single night, brings them back the next day
>They smell of urine and disappointment
>He's now obsessed with superheroes and that is the only game we are allowed to play

>Temple of Doom's super hero is named Strong Man
>"He's the hero of my alien people. His powers are everything."
>We play superheroes during recess every day for a week, sometimes other kids play with us too
>Most of them are there to spectate Temple of Doom's actions as his alter-ego, Strong Man
>He sprinted at people and tried to stab them to death with his "razor sharp nose"
>Besides generic Superman fare, Strong Man's other power was being half man and half woman
>According to Temple of Doom, the halves were divided vertically down the middle
>fuck anatomy
>He would also pick his nose and collect boogers in his mouth to spit at people

Anonymous Sat 02 Jan 2016 01:53:27 No.660854503 report
Quoted By: >>660863475

>>This move was called the snot hyper beam or something like that, and it was a living nightmare
>Temple of Doom/Strong Man spent recess hocking booger-infused loogies at girls for about a week before another kid called him out on his shit
>best friend of my 3rd grade crush tells him to stop acting like a retard (shiny new bad word for 3rd graders)
>Temple of Doom starts to get angry
>"I am the alien king you can't talk to me like that" in his alien voice
>"Stop acting like a freak"
>Temple of Doom, empowered by his new superhero alter-ego, charges at the girl
>Chases the girl all the way into the school
>I'm basically Temple's babysitter at this point so I go, too
>Temple is running into the wind and hocking loogies at the girl, but they're blowing back in his face
>The kids don't stop running till the clever girl darts into the ladies' room
>"You can't get me in here you freak!"
>Temple of Doom, still in STrong Man superhero mode, turns to me
>Beneath the slime I can see the biggest shit-eating grin on his face
>Whispers to me "she doesn't know Strong Man is half-man AND half-woman"
>The left side of him is half-woman, so he shuffles with his shoulder forward toward the girls' room door
>I can't let this happen
>Temple of Doom has broken into a sprint toward the girls' room now
>I leap at him, shouting "nooooo" and grab him around the waist and manage to bring him down
>We're laying there, he's mumbling "my people will avenge me"
>Temple of Doom is sobbing
>We're about 2 feet away from the girls' room door, it opens and out comes my crush and her friend
>She sees me laying on the ground face down on top of temple of Doom, arms around his waist
>Temple's face is covered in snot, he's sobbing and muttering about aliens
>Look my crush right in the eye
>she never spoke to me again

Anonymous Sat 02 Jan 2016 01:54:24 No.660854650 report

>>4th grade now, Temple of Doom gets into YuGiOh after watching the show once at my house
>Temple of Doom's family doesn't have TVs because, as his mom told me, they used to have one but Mrs. Temple and the kids sat in front of it for 3 days straight, not sleeping, with only bathroom and food breaks
>Watched one episode of YuGiOh at my house while I begged for him to go play outside
>Became obsessed
>Bought a deck of cards, carried it around with him everywhere. This will become important later
>somehow gets involved in some school skit program
>They perform in front of the whole school, elementary school goes up to 4th grade so i'm in the front row
>His character is a mouse who is scared of everything
>In the play/skit, Temple of Doom is supposed to pretend to pee his pants because he was scared of a cat
>Predictably, he actually pisses his pants
>He's giggling as usual and everyone is reacting with shock
>Suddenly, he lets out this screech
>"m-m-my deck... it's wet"
>Pulls YuGiOh cards out his pocket and begins to sob and starts to run around the stage
>Draws cards that are soaked with piss, calls out their names and flings them into the audience
>Lazy piece of shit teacher tells me to go calm him down. In front of everyone
>Ishouldbegettingpaidforthis
>Temple of Doom is berserk and screeching and sobbing until he runs out of YuGiOh cards
>As soon as I stand up, he runs to me and hugs me, still sobbing
>"The heart of the cards has failed me" or something to that effect
>Standing there, in front of the entire school, with a sobbing, piss-soaked alien king hugging me

Anonymous Sat 02 Jan 2016 01:55:26 No.660854797 report
Quoted By: >>660861424 >>660868335 >>660880343

>>5th grade now, middle school in the place I went to
>Temple of Doom's parents had another kid, don't want to have to pay for private school for 3 kids in the future so they move Temple and his younger sister to public. They live in a good district anyway
>Temple of Doom and I still have many forced playdates
>One day, his mom takes us out to get icecream
>Dad's a health nut, so I don't get this treat very often
>DQ blizzard
>Forgive me padre for I have sinned
>Temple of Doom gets a vanilla ice cream cone because all that crazy has to be balanced out by some degree of boring, I guess
>Sitting in middle seat of new Honda Odyssey, classic mom van
>Temple of Doom rolls down his window
>"On my planet ice cream must be chocolate. Nothing else will do"
>WHY THE FUCK DID YOU ASK FOR VANILLA
>Temple of Doom casually fucking chucks the cone out the window and it fucking splats on the driver's side window of a car in the lane next to us
>Car screeches to a halt, mother of the Temple of Doom stops the van
>looks back
>Temple of Doom shouts out the window "give me back my ice cream or I will destroy you"
>Large, angry woman emerges, hands balled into fists
>"Don't worry mother my lasers are fully charged"
>His mom just calmly accelerates off into the sunset and never speaks of the issue again

Anonymous Sat 02 Jan 2016 02:23:16 No.660858950 report
Quoted By: >>660859239 >>660859530 >>660859720 >>660879578
sorry baked af and playin notline miami heres the rest:

>>In 8th grade now, social life at school getting much better since he doesn't go there anymore
>Temple of Doom is 13 now
>In the worst decision made on U.S. soil since going into Vietnam, his parents buy him an xbox and a tv for his birthday
>Obsessed with CoD. This kid is Jack Thompson's wetdream
>I go over to Temple of Doom's house so our moms can have tea together
>His sister, one year younger than me, answers the door
>She has shaved off all of her eyebrows and cut off her eyelashes because lunacy runs in the family
>"Hello Anon. do you find my new look... beautiful?"
>Straight out of a Japanese horror flick
>NOPE right the fuck past her up to the relative safety of Temple of Doom's OCD-level organized room
>I recently saved up lawnmowing dosh to get two airsoft guns, I bring them with me
>Temple is mesermized by xbox, doesn't even notice me walk in and I stand there yelling at him for 10 minutes
>Doesn't move till I turn off the TV screen
>After letting him beat me at CoD so he wouldn't have an episode, I unplug the xbox and convince him to go outside to use my airsoft guns
>by convince I mean physically drag him because he will not leave the TV screen
>Show him how to use airsoft guns, set up coke can targets
>Tell him if he tries to shoot me i'll kick his sorry ass
>He sees his elderly neighbor out mowing the lawn
>Loads the airsoft gun, barrels toward him
>"Destroy the humans! I am armed! My people will have revenge!"
>Shoots him with airsoft BBs until I wrestle the gun away from him
>Both our moms saw this from the kitchen window
>Mom finally sees how crazy he is, that's the last time I ever saw Temple of Doom in person

Anonymous Sat 02 Jan 2016 02:24:39 No.660859180 report
Quoted By: >>660859976 >>660859981 >>660860101 >>660860103

>>I transition into high school.
>Reputation sticks with me but is fading, students from surrounding public schools who don't know me funnel into my private HS while other kids leave
>9th grade goes smoothly, I'm even elected class president (class only has 100 kids in it)
>10th grade, have the best teacher of my life
>It's english class and we have this new girl from some public school, super smart but hasn't said a word the whole year
>years of putting up with Temple of Doom have given me a good sense of humour
>English teacher has us read a short story about a guy embarrassing himself, asks us to tell any funny "embarrass yourself" stories
>Classmates urge me to tell a Temple of Doom story
>I tell the pool one, everyone laughs (with me, hopefully)
>I use Temple of Doom's full name and describe him vividly
>New girl suddenly says her first thing she's ever said all year
>"Oh my god you're Anon
>I'm thoroughly confused, she explains to the whole class
>We're awestruck
>She had been in the same school as Temple of Doom and had been in English class with him for a few years
>Only thing he'd ever write about was stories involving him and teh only other member of his people, his best friend A---(again, my name. Me.) and he'd share them with the whole class
>They thought that he was making me up (what real person could put up with that shit?)
>I had become a sort of living legend among their English class
>I had survived the Temple of Doom
>mfw Temple of Doom, even 2 years later, still wrote stories about me (most of them involving invading and taking over the earth)
>girl and I became good buds, got stoned together a lot through high school

Anonymous Sat 02 Jan 2016 02:30:37 No.660860103 report
Quoted By: >>660860583

>>660859180

What fucking pool story share posthaste u shitbag trying to hold out on us

Anonymous Sat 02 Jan 2016 02:33:57 No.660860583 report
Quoted By: >>660862446 >>660874727

>>660860103

I forgot that one. I'm copy/pasting these from word

>>this shit continues for years and it's still awful but our moms are friends
>Start of 7th grade, August, i'm 12 and I am interested in girls
>so much angst from Temple of Doom cockblocking me for my entire girl-liking career
>My mom drops us off at the community pool, goes off and hangs out with his mom
>Temple of Doom is a pale ginger, hair so bright you'd think he was from an anime
>Skin so pale you could practically see through it
>Pulls out bigass bottle of spray-on sunblock
>"This planet's sun is harmful to my epidermis" (he liked to show off his socially awkward big vocabulary)
>5 Minutes later he is literally dripping in sunscreen and it smells so bad
>He leaves wet sunscreen footprints on the pavement
>I line up on the diving board, he's too scared
>Dad was a high school swim god, made me join swim team for a while too
>Because of this, I was in pretty good shape and could do some awesome dives
>A few dives later, Temple of Doom was nowhere to be seen
>Three cute girls and their pack leader come up to me, they're about 13-14
>fuckyes

Anonymous Sat 02 Jan 2016 02:35:20 No.660860782 report
Quoted By: >>660861070 >>660862446 >>660862705 >>660863039 >>660885642

>>make convo
>holy shit I think i'm actually flirting
>They don't go to my school so they're actually talking to me instead of writing me off as Temple of Doom's babysitter
>BUT NOT FOR LONG MOTHERFUCKER
>Temple of Doom emerges out of nowhere, still reeking of sunscreen and holding cheese-smothered nachos from concession stand
>"Anon I have been looking everywhere for you"
>Temple of Doom found out about youtube recently and had spent hours sneaking onto his dad's computer watching Halo 2 videos, which he told me about in detail
>His mouth full of nachos, he spun the tale infront of his mortified audience
>"Master Cheif shoots the aliens and then BSHOOOOOWWWW"
>He accurately simulates a shotgun by blasting chewed chunks of nachos all over myself and the girls I was talking to
>The looks on their faces are burned into my memory forever
>I lose it
>"Temple why the fuck do you have to do this? these girls weren't bothering you, go do something somewhere else you freak!"
>Temple of Doom looks at me understandingly
>Puts his sticky, sunscreened arm around me
>"Aliens like us are above human women. Allow me to show you the true way"
>Drops his fucking nachos
>Sprints to the diving board, lifeguards blowing their whistles
>cuts in line, runs off the longest and highest board
>Belly flop straight into the water
>screaming and gurgling and shouting
>Lifeguard has to pull him out

Anonymous Sat 02 Jan 2016 03:01:21 No.660864622 report
Quoted By: >>660865535 >>660885135

>>660864259

You should write a show based on your life. I think I could get behind Temple and his not-giving-a-fuck-because-fuck-you-im-not-even-from-this-planet antics

Anonymous Sat 02 Jan 2016 03:07:26 No.660865535 report
Quoted By: >>660865854 >>660865923

>>660864622

I have some embarrassing autist stories about myself too. Most people have really interesting lives tbh it just depends on how passionate you are when you retell it

Pic is me n 2 other RAs im in middle n was baked on the job most of the time def in the pic

Anonymous Sat 02 Jan 2016 03:09:33 No.660865854 report
Quoted By: >>660867031

>>660865535

That one on the right is a qt, props for not hover handing.

Now tell your autistic stories you freak

Anonymous Sat 02 Jan 2016 03:18:03 No.660867031 report
Quoted By: >>660867538 >>660867548 >>660868192

>>660865854

She was chill. Every once in a while dropped by my room @nite and smoked me out. Cool girl.

Anyway

>>Me
>freshman year of college
>crippling undiagnosed depression, low self esteem
>believe no girl would ever want me ever im ugly af etc
>qt in my class
>get assigned in same project group, I get her number
>turns out she's a cool hipster LA qt
>fall break, everyone on campus goes back home
>she stays cause she's from Cali, I stay cause bad home life
>"t-they're showing a movie at the student center for the ppl who stayed... you wanna see it w/me?"
>she says yes
>watch movie, put arm around her
>she invites me back to her room
>tells me her roommate is gone so it's just us
>talks music w/me for forever
>gives me tour of room
>tells me it's too cold for me to walk back to my dorm, I should sleep over
>gives me tour of her room again
>"look at these condoms I got... the school was just giving them out isn't that nice?"
>Low self esteem convinces me she's actually just making convo about how the school is so nice
>"you can sleep in your boxers if you'd be more comfortable by the way... but share my bed I just got new sheets"
>wow, how nice of her to let me sleep in my undies. That's how i'm most comfy anyway
>don't hook up with her
>Can't imagine how awkward and rejected she must've felt
>if only she know that I was too autistic to pick up on the biggest hints in the world

Anonymous Sat 02 Jan 2016 03:27:10 No.660868192 report
Quoted By: >>660868564

>>660867031

Another autistic one about myself. We're all a little autistic

>>february Freshman year
>still no self esteem
>another girl texts me what's up
>i say nm
>she asks me if I am down to smoke and says that she's got a single dorm room so we can chill there, no roomie
>it's cold af out and I don't wanna walk there
>continue to make convo over txt till I can come up with excuse to not go
>she asks me how my Valentines was and how my girlfriend liked the holiday
>I didn't have a gf
>"oh wow anon yeah i'm single too haha"
>I don't respond
>she says she's just hanging out wrapped in a blanket watching netflix if i wanna come\
>I am totally allowed to sleep over if I wanna be warm instead of walk back in cold
> ;)
>I politely decline and recommend that she watch Twin Peaks if she hasn't seen it already
>Realize a month or two later that I coulda lost my virginity finally