Reddit/Assorted

From Bibliotheca Anonoma

Wingman of the Century[edit]

Back in high school, one of my friends (we'll call him Note Passer) was behind on the cell phone curve. He had one, but it didn't have texting and was only supposed to be for "emergencies only". Anyways, this led to him passing notes around class to communicate with friends that weren't sitting directly near him. He had started talking to this one girl he liked forever (they had been assigned a class project together in another class) who he had no chance with.

She wasn't stuck-up or anything, she was just unbelievably beautiful so most guys knew they had no chance with her and my friend, as well as much of our group, was more on the "average" level. This girl was one of those girls that actually make you stop and do a double take. Simply unbelievable. Anyways, my friend and I were sitting behind this girl in a class, when I receive a note passed from Note Passer from across the classroom. I opened it, thinking it was to me, only to read that it was for the girl in front of me (the unbelievably gorgeous one).

It was some lame ass question about when would be good to get together to work on the project. My friend and I said this would not fly. So, as Note Passer sat there and looked on in horror from across the classroom, we crumpled up his note and started writing our own. It was this sprawling love poem which started out as a joke, just a little way to fuck with our friend, but it actually started getting good. Really good. We didn't really think anything more of it until, barely containing our laughter, we passed it forward to the girl in front of us.

A poem not written by Note Passer, but with Note Passers name on it. Note Passers eyes declared death, while ours declared hilarity. After about five minutes of nothing, we figured the girl had just written it off as the joke it was or had declared Note Passer a creep. Either way, we were going to explain that it was a joke to her after class.

We were shocked when she reached backed and planted a note on my desk. With shaking hands, I opened it. It said: "That is the single sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me." That's it. Just one simple sentence, and words could not explain the gold mine we had just struck for our friend who was ready to murder us the second the bell rang.

Quietly, and slowly (we wanted to make it seem like the note had been passed all the way there, then a new one written and passed all the way back), my friend and I hatched the beginnings of a relationship through pen and paper for Note Passer. We kept up the poetic tone for a few notes, then asked if she would like to go to the Homecoming game/dance (all of this still under Note Passers name, of course). She said yes, and explained that no one had ever asked her to a dance before (later, we would learn she was rarely asked anywhere, simply because 99% of guys thought they had no chance with her).

With class time running low, we sent a brief message to Note Passer outlining what had just happened, to at least trust us until after we could explain more, and that if she comes up to him before we could talk to him to keep his stupid mouth as closed as possible, to not show her any of his handwriting, and to not try to refer to what was written in the notes as he had no clue what the hell they said. He gave us this stunned look when the bell rang, and remained planted in his seat when he saw that gorgeous girl was coming over to him. She said she forgot to give him her phone number in her last note, and that he should have it so they can coordinate times and shit before the game and dance (this was like two days before). Everything went well, they're still dating and in a long-term and committed relationship, and she has no clue that those original notes were from us. I guess she just never compared the handwriting, even though Note Passer and I do have pretty similar handwriting. TL;DR: Hijacked my friends note and hooked him up with the most beautiful girl in the school.

Passing an audible[edit]

In American football, the quarterback receives the ball to start a play, and also calls the play (decides what they are going to do). Sometimes before he receives the ball, he sees that the defense is set up to clobber the play he was going to run. He will shout out a signal for a different play, and in a few seconds, the entire team will have to rethink their assignments and be ready for the new play. This is called "calling an audible".

Who's the Father?[edit]

From a thread stating: "When I was young, I put shampoo in my vagina."

Dudeness11[edit]

That's not so bad. I thought my moms diaphram was a condom and I jerked off into it numerous times.

Error401[edit]

Do you happen to have a younger sibling?

Dudeness11[edit]

shit.

I_FISTED_JESUS[edit]

ABANDON THREAD

ThisIsMyCouchAccount[edit]

Sensible advice from the the religious puppet master.

This is your date on vibrators[edit]

  • Source: 4chan - Hentai/Alternative /d/
  • Post Number - 4230083
  • Original Thread - 4224772 - Hidden Toys/Forced Orgasm
  • Date: 08/09/12(Thu)05:30

I once went out with a girl and we did this. It was the first date, but we'd also known each other quite awhile before that. She just handed me a wireless control with an on/off button and a sliding switch with a cone next to it. I didn't ask what it was, I just turned it on and set it to low.

Over the course of dinner she started to fidget and I realized what it was. To confirm, I flicked it to high for just a second when she opened her mouth to order and she did this little hiccup that was fucking adorable. Throughout the meal I kept setting it to high for a moment or two - I usually tried to get it right when she had her mouth open but it seemed to have about a second of lag time. I didn't even try to hide the shit-eating grin on my face anymore. Once we finished dinner and left for the movie, I left it on high and had to help her walk after the first few steps. She came while we were waiting in line for tickets and I tuned it down to medium.

We saw the first Batman film. I left it off for most of the movie, but I'd turn it on whenever the tension started to build, slowly turning it up whenever there was an action-y climax. Made her climax a few times. She just leaned into me and I could feel her shudder.

On the way back I returned the remote to her, and I asked her if she'd ever done anything like that before. She said she actually used it as a sort of test on a few first dates, but that I was the most creative for it by far. She said one guy never guessed what it was and just left it off the whole time.

Unfortunately she moved to another state about a year after that and I haven't heard from her since.

Anonymous 4230099[edit]

I would trade every internet I own for this.

Accidental Baby Killer[edit]

We were running around in a friend's back yard. I stepped in something squishy and thought it was dog shit. Nope. Can't figure out what that squishy thing was. Then we hear this churping kind of sound. On the ground is a partially skinned baby rabbit. It has all of the skin on it's head pulled off and it's hanging over it's back like it's wearing a rabbit skin hoodie. It's still alive, and it's convulsing. I feel terrible. We debate about what to do with it. It stops convulsing and just makes starts making this terrible weak noise. I resolve the only solution would be for me to decapitate it with a shovel to end it's suffering because I've never heard of a vet ever fixing an animal with a crushed skull, and no skin.

It was the largest animal I've ever killed, and it's the event I tell people caused me to become an alcoholic.

Flag Burners[edit]

Saddest Incest Story ever made[edit]

When I was six, back when SNES was all the rage, I remember watching my older brother playing his game. He loved it. So much so that when I went to play it, he would only let me play it if I sat on his lap. So I did, because I was so desperate for my brother to love me (he always bullied me, especially when he would babysit me) and I was so happy that he was hugging me and treating me like a sister.

One day, we brought the system up into my room. He told me I could only play if I was naked. I said ok. He then took off his pants and laid me on the bed. I remember saying to him that I wanted to play the game. He said ok, but only if he could poke me. So I tried to play the game, but he kept bumping into me and shaking me. He got angry and yanked the controller from my hand and told me to close my eyes and that I could play again later.

So I did. He just kept going. And then he stopped. This happened as a weekly thing. Sometimes he would let me play, others he would force me to just lay there. He stopped having sex with me when I was seven and a half and he left to go live with my dad. I never realized what had happened until my mom had the talk with me when I was ten. I didn't tell her because everyone loves my brother and I wanted him to love me.

To this day, no one knows about this in my family except for me. We talked about it once when I was eighteen and graduating. He apologized and all what I could ask him was if he loved me, ever. He didn't say a word. I asked him why he did it. He asked me if I ever told anyone. I said no and I repeated my question. He said he couldn't tell me why and then left.

He killed himself a week later. I still feel as though if I never asked him, if I never brought it up, if he would still be alive.

The fucked up thing is that I would do anything, even letting him have his way with me, if it meant he was alive. Now the most fucked up part.

Let us flash forward to a few months ago (just about to hit ten years after his suicide). My dad found a letter my brother had written, in an envelope, tucked away in my dad's attic with all of my brothers belongings. My dad didn't open it. Just handed it to me as it was addressed to me. "I did it because I love you."

  • da1on2 - This is honestly the saddest thing I've ever read. I'm not the crying type but this was a definite tear jerker.
  • mastertsz - This actually brought me to tears. You cared for your brother so much and all you wanted in return was his love.
  • tradingair - I think this one hit me the hardest so far. The ending....fuck.
  • DrSterling - Jesus Christ, man. All the rape, incest, accidental deaths that this thread provides, and it's those seven words at the end of this post that did it.
  • disavian - Wow, that's pretty intense. Thanks for sharing.
  • (OP) lulupie01 - I spent a long time trying to get over it. I have a husband and a son now. And every night since getting that letter, I have cried with it, crumpled and hidden. My husband doesn't understand why I won't let him see it so it feels good to share, even with strangers.
    • disavian - I'm assuming that you're not particularly into the idea of incest, you just want your brother to be alive?
    • lulupie01 - Yes. I love him, as a brother, nothing more. But I would do anything for him to be alive.

Part 2[edit]

Edit: so since posting this, for one, I wanted to say thank you for the sympathy. For the first time in a few months, I was able to I guess breath easier.

I told my husband. Actually, I showed him this. He knew mine right away (side note: never use your husbands nick name for you as a screen name...duh) and shipped my son to his mother's for the weekend so he can take me to tell my family. So this, right here, is directed at him since he doesnt seem to get it.

I don't want to. I don't want to destroy my family. I already caused my brother to kill himself and I will not give my mother a heart attack. Fuck you right now, Eric, for not understanding me.

  • misskittycat I'd really advise against telling your family unless you feel really strongly that you need to. Lots of families are in denial about this sort of thing. It could very easily turn into your parents calling you a liar and turning them against you forever. Your husband isn't thinking of the very-likely scenario where your parents just flat-out refuse to believe you. So sorry for your loss.

Similar Stories[edit]

Similar, but the opposite situation. Yuka dies horrifically, and her last words; that she loved him more deeply than any sibling; haunts Satoshi forever.

Satoshi, returning home, falls into a hallucination seeing Yuka again, and he decides to leave the earth so that she won't be alone any longer.

Retrieved from "https://wiki.bibanon.org/index.php?title=Reddit/Assorted&oldid=10844"