From Bibliotheca Anonoma

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this is my story /b/...

>be me, 19 yo college freshman
>this was 10 years ago
>i had this bro from highschool, pete
>we were friends, but not exactly bros. he was a cool guy, and i think i was cool to him
>turns out we applied to the same college and enrolled
>going to the same classes
>practically spending all of our time together
>away from you family, with your high school life behind you, things can get hectic
>yeah, you are horny teenagers with no real problems to deal with
>but you still need a friend you can depend on
>and we were that friend to each other

fast forward a couple of months

>second semester, we start taking this new class
>and there is this girl in the class
>not just us, but every fucking human being with a working dick in the entire campus is losing their shit over her
>ordinary straight girls are ready to become lesbians just for her
>i mean... man... wow... what an.. angel? a beam of light? deux ex machina descending from heaven? i have no fucking idea
>a value over 10 is a measurement that applies to us, mere mortals
>her beauty cannot be calculated or properly abstracted with numbers
>and looking at her is like something you know you shouldnt do
>not because its creepy or socially awkward or some other shit
>its because you feel youre not worthy
>not for her youre not. no. NOT HER.
>but we were looking
>turns out we first saw her practically at the same time
>and we wanted to point her to one another
>but we couldnt take our eyes off of her
>so we sat in some lousy economy class or whatever and drooled over her for half an hour
>before i whispered... "dude... fuck me..."
>and it took pete a solid 5 minutes before he could simply say "yeah..."
>there she was, this 5'9" lady with long wavy auburn hair and emerald green eyes to die for
>and pretty sure, to kill for
>sitting just a couple feet away from us
>yeah... so.. "fuck me..." was the correct response in that situation

>after the class
>to this day i cant for the life of me remember what the fuck it was about
>we were already orbiting her like some lousy asteroids stuck to a massive black hole
>creepily getting closer and closer to her as she sucked us in
>bumping to each other and walking like we were drunk and out of our minds
>i dont know what it was
>maybe she realized that we were following her like pervs
>or maybe it was something else
>halfway to the cafeteria, she just stopped and turned towards us
>we comedically bumped into each other and stopped as well
>but her beauty was so miraculous we forgot to look somewhere else
>i remember her gaze.. it was like the back of our heads blew open and brains splattered all over the hallway
>those green eyes man...
>and she smiled. SHE FUCKING SMILED
>if we werent healthy, fit males in their prime we would have died of heart attack at that moment
>we couldnt breathe she was so beautiful
>so there we were, still staring at her, our eyes and mouths wide open
>we were in our low, waaay low 2 digit IQs at that moment
>and there she was, in all of her glory
>like i said, 5'9", long wavy auburn hair, emerald green eyes
>long curvy and athletic legs, you know, slimmer at the knees
>well defined muscles on her calves and soft but rigid thighs
>her ankles were so elegant
>but her tendons were sprained... as if she were a wild gazelle ready to bolt out at a moments notice
>her butt... i cant call it an ass. not hers.
>ass is what girls have.
>this lady had something else. she had buttocks that required a new definition of the word
>they were so firm and so well shaped, you could perfectly calculate for pi if you took measurements
>her breasts... i dont even have the words
>to this day im still searching for the right words
>and i will try and describe them later in the story... but i will fail terribly

>i can still remember what she was wearing that day
>i know what she was wearing probably better than her on the day she wore them
>and i know this because pete knew this
>after she looked at us and smiled
>just for a few seconds which felt like an eternity
>she turned around again and kept on walking
>we just stayed put
>we couldnt follow her
>our black hole left us lonely asteroids to the pitch black emptiness of cold space
>so after the school, we went to our dorm room with no information about her whatsoever
>no name, no nothing
>just a mental image of her elegant stance etched deep into our minds
>i was looking at the pictures of random women with green eyes and auburn hair on yahoo
>that was the only thing i could do. but none of the images even came close to matching her beauty
>well.. pete felt like he had to do something
>and he fucking started searching for her clothes. i shit you not
>he was searching for her clothes on amazon and ebay and all these fashion and shopping sites neither of us knew nothing about
>he started with searching for her skirt
>which was this black wool-cashmere circle skirt with a playful flare at the bottom
>couple inches above her knees... revealing her thighs just a little bit..
>when he found it, he shouted "I FOUND IT FUCK YEAH"

>and i thought he had found "her"
>but when i saw what he found, which was this i dunno what brand skirt on amazon
>i was far from being disappointed
>i was feeling the same way
>we didnt know her name, but fuck if we didnt know what skirt she was wearing
>pete kept going with the search and i helped him
>at the end of the night, we knew what flats she was wearing, what shirt
>we even knew what brand her red, bow shaped hairclip was
>i mean... look, we are straight guys
>i figure im a 7/10, maybe 8, pete is an easy 8/10, pushing 9
>we are both fit, we dont have ugly pimples on our faces or anything, we are both very decent
>we are not short or chubby
>and altho we were not the most popular kids in highschool, we are definitely not social castouts either
>but that night
>we were more gay than a male fashion design student wearing pink dungarees and coming out of the closet singing YMCA
>and we knew what skirt she was wearing... so yeah...
>and before we went to sleep
>pete had an idea
>that motherfucker had the most excellent idea
>he knew he needed an extra something if he was ever gonna talk to her
>let alone date her
>so he decided he should start learning about fashion
>and use his knowledge as a conversation starter
>meanwhile, i was feeling like i could go to mars with a new apollo mission
>or save the world from a new nazi regime all by myself
>and still wouldnt be able to impress her
>i was a hopeless faggot

>next morning, the first thing pete did was to enroll in a class on fashion design
>pete didnt know if his tactics were gonna work
>pete didnt know if this magnificent creature would speak fashion with him
>but he had hopes
>meanwhile, we were both unable to speak to her
>we were a bunch of beta fags, scared out of our minds
>but we learned her name from a friend
>ella was her name...
>pete didnt want to waste his chances in leaving a perfect first impression with ella
>well, the first impression both of us have left was us standing in the middle of the hallway
>staring at her like we were retarded perverts
>but speaking to her was a different matter altogether
>i figured, if pete had no chance of talking to her now
>how could i?
>besides, pete was so in da zone, i didnt want to compete
>not that i could, or so i believed...
>fast forward a couple of weeks
>pete as a freshman knew more about fashion than seniors knew about economy in our department
>he was spending his nights browsing fashion blogs
>every night, he would come to our room, with a list of items she was wearing that day
>studying her taste in fashion
>pete told me that this could actually work
>since while a lot of the girls on campus dressed like trailer trashes
>ella was always amazing in her choice of clothes
>our room was filled with editions of vogue and GQ and shit
>couple of friends have seen our stash of fashion magazines
>and joked about it
>so we made a lousy explanation of how they were "quality fapping material"
>and got away with it
>one day, pete woke up and turned to me
>"i'm ready" - he said
>like neo saying "i know kung-fu"
>i said "show her"
>pete decided that whatever she's wearing that day
>he felt like he could intelligently talk to her about her clothes

>after the economy class
>i wished him luck and we parted ways
>an hour later he found me
>i asked him
>"how did it go?"
>"i dunno man... i really dunno. i mean, i might as well done great or fucked it up completely"
>"look, we talked about fashion for an hour"
>"so, you talked for an hour, thats great man!" - damn we were beta fags
>"yeah, but what if she thinks that im gay?"
>i started laughing. pete had a point. straight guys dont usually talk about fashion
>certainly not about womens fashion
>suddenly, ella comes out of nowhere
>i froze
>pete looked at me and understood that ella was coming our way
>"hey pete!"
>and i heard ella's voice for the first time
>she had a crackly, deep voice
>kinda reminds me of scarlett johansson now...
>a lot of people dont think that kinda voice is flattering
>but if you found me a soprano that sings agnus dei
>i would have told you "shut that woman up and let ella sing"
>"hey ella!" - said pete, his heart probably skipping a couple of beats
>"i remembered now... i got it from anthropologie..."
>i have absolutely no idea what shes talking about
>"oh thanks!"
>"dont mention it... its from last season tho, i dont think you could buy it for your sister. but they might have something similar..."
>"oh.. well, thank you for telling me ella!"
>"youre welcome, see you around pete!"
>"see you ella!"
>and we watched ella walking away from us gracefuly, until she disappeared in the distance
>still looking at her general direction, as if we could still see her
>"dude... your sister is 7..."
>"yeah i know..."
>"she is..."
>"yeah i know... magnificent..."

>a week later, pete had another idea
>in order to not look like a gay couple
>he suggested that we develop this "manly handshake"
>and establish that we are in fact, bros
>like a bunch of idiots, we stayed up all night
>working out this complex yet subtle (or so we thought) secret handshake
>our stupidity was at an immeasurable new height
>pete was chatting up ella, little by little everyday
>but he was afraid of becoming a gay bff and lose all chance of dating her
>so he requested me to approach them tomorrow at some point mid conversation
>and "apply" the handshake
>ok then
>after our economy class
>i gave pete some time
>then joined them in the cafeteria
>as i approached them, pete saw me coming
>excused himself like a true boss gentleman
>and we started acting out this ridiculous handshake in unison
>i mean it was absolute bullshit
>hands and fingers everywhere clicking and fist bumping and doing other various stuff
>it was like the douchebag version of cirque de soleil
>halfway thru (yeah it was that long it almost needed an interlude) ella starts laughing her ass off
>she was laughing like a crazy person
>we freeze
>the blood drains away from pete's face
>pale as fuck
>we realize that we just fucked up
>we fucked up immensely
>and we force ourselves to turn and face ella
>she's trying to silence herself, still laughing
>pete and i still holding hands like fucktards
>she tries to apologize for laughing
>but then she starts laughing even louder
>we look around and hope that no other person has acknowledged how dumb we look
>fortunately no one other than ella is laughing
>but ella is still laughing

>pete has this "this is how i die" face
>im all goodbyeworld.jpeg
>ella's laughter finally dies down
>and we're looking at her like rabbits caught in headlights
>"guys... i know you're not gay" - and she starts laughing again
>pete looks like hes about to shit his pants
>and i dunno what it was, maybe i started losing my nerve
>or maybe it was like a chain reaction to ella's laughter
>i start laughing my ass off as well
>that "manly handshake" started playing out in my head over and over again
>and i began to imagine myself doing the handshake
>and realized how absolutely idiotic it must have looked like
>pete starts laughing as well
>all three of us are crying at this point
>now people are looking at us like wtf
>and that was how i met ella
>we finally sit down
>im still chuckling like an ape
>i extend my hand towards ella
>"hi, im anon"
>she firmly grabs my hand
>my god her hands are beautiful
>long, slender fingers embrace my hairy man paws like the branches of a delicate flower
>she has a very cold touch
>almost freezing, but at the same time its such an awakening feeling
>i can feel the hairs on my forearm rising
>"hi anon, im ella" - she responds with a warm smile
>and an incredibly sharp, piercing gaze
>her spellbinding green eyes are filled with both an "i got you now" attitude and an older sisters love
>i melt
>"for how long have you guys practiced that stupid handshake?" - she asks
>we start blushing like 5 yo kids

>"all night..." - pete answers as silently as possible
>ella claps her hands and pops a loud chuckle
>"i knew it!" - waving her finger towards us - "you guys are insecure!"
>pete grumbles
>"oooohh.. its so cute!" - she puts on a funny face, pouting her spectacular pink lips
>im losing my grasp on english language right about now
>"well guys, i know youre not gay... but youre definetely homophobic!"
>"well... were not..." - i try to defend myself futilely
>"oh its ok, anon!" - she smiles - "i can understand that feeling"
>pete must be losing his mind.. he just sits there, trying to find a way to regain his composure
>"oh come on pete, i know you would feel uneasy, talking to me about fashion"
>pete looks shocked
>he doesnt understand how he could be sidelined so bad
>"but..." - he tries to make a case (which i assume he has none)
>"its really ok pete. i can sense that you have been working on "fashion" (makes a fingerquote) for some time"
>our jaws are sweeping the floor
>"how..." - pete mumbles
>"seriously, i know about your fashion class, and your room full of fashion magazines"
>ella winks at pete
>im about to lose my shit
>pete looks like hes shot by a cupids 50cal machine gun
>hes crushing hard, madly in love
>"how did you know?" - i ask, since pete cannot come to the phone right now
>"well... first of all, i have a friend in pete's fashion class"
>"and also, some of your chums were talking about your stash and i overheard them"
>pete silently mouths "fuck me..."
>"but most of all, pete, i can see that you are new to the fashion world"
>"where did i go wrong?" - pete must have been losing his hope at this point
>"well, a fashionista... how can i put it... must look more fashionable, dont you think?"
>ella was right. granted, pete didnt walk around wearing shitty flip flops and baggy sweat pants
>but he wasnt actually a fashion icon either
>pete looks like hes about to burst into tears

>"besides, your fashion sense has no context. a person who is deeply involved in any subject always speaks in some form of context"
>as ella talks about pete's failure, i feel both incredibly sad and incredibly turned on
>maybe im not from a family or a place where there were a lot of smart women around
>and maybe i was just a dumb homophobic or maybe even sexist fuck
>who thinks all women learn about everything in life by furiously banging ken and barbie dolls into each other in their childhood
>but ill be damned if this magnificent woman isnt smart
>"hey its ok pete" - ella sees pete cringing like a puckered butt hole
>"i know why you did it, you have nothing to be ashamed of"
>pete lightens up like someone stuck a needle full of adrenaline into his chest
>meanwhile, im lost in ella's eyes... studying her beautiful face as she talks
>"so, im going to give you your chance! go ahead, ask"
>"a-a-a-ask what?" - pete shits the bed
>ella tilts her head and gives him a "really?" face
>pete comes around again
>gains his composure like a champ for the first time during the conversation
>"well.. do you want to grab a cup of coffee with me after school?"
>ella smiles at him and playfully nods with her eyes closed
>"i would love that pete" - and she chuckles
>and i sit there like a faggot thinking of asking "can i come too?"
>ella is beyond words to me
>i feel stupid and powerless near her
>"thank you..." - pete barely makes any sense
>i cant imagine being in his place right now
>getting the greenlight from ella after believing that he fucked up so badly
>ella laughs playfully and changes the subject
>so we sat there and talked about our lives and how we knew each other for an hour
>and i was able to get to know ella
>even if it was for a little bit
>but it was an amazing experience

>couple of weeks later
>pete and ella were a couple
>ive never seen pete so happy
>he was over the clouds, all the time
>the guy was out of his mind
>counting seconds for their next date everytime he kissed ella goodbye
>and i was happy for my bro
>but at the same time
>i couldnt help but feel uneasy everytime i saw ella
>ella was still the most amazing woman i have ever seen in my life
>nothing came remotely close to matching her beauty
>not to mention her wits
>and speaking to her was more fun than i could ever have, doing anything
>and i was trying extremely hard not to fall for her
>i owed it to my bro and to myself
>fortunately, ella came to my help
>she introduced her fried nicole to me
>nicole was the girl in pete's fashion class, the girl ella was talking about
>nicole was an incredibly beautiful girl
>she was this amazing redhead
>5'6", big soft titties, nice curvy body
>pale blue eyes, cute little freckles on her face
>you would think that a beautiful girl like ella wouldnt be bffs with another beauty like nicole
>9 out of 10 times, you would be right
>but ella had no competition
>she was beyond competition
>ella could have been friends with the biggest bimbo there ever was
>or she could have been hanging out with a fucking swedish bikini team
>she could have been sleepwalking in her pjs on a victorias secret catwalk at a new years show for all i care
>no matter the situation, ella was always the one you looked at first
>but yeah... nicole was a bombshell too
>and she was something else entirely...

>4 of us started hanging out together
>started going to the parties
>hanging out after school
>going to the movies
>and slowly, nicole and i got very close
>she had an amazing sense of humor
>knew a lot about subcultures and shit
>finally, after a night out together
>pete and ella decided to go to ella's room by themselves
>turns out ella's roommate was back at home for a family emergency or something like that
>and nicole and i kissed
>soon after, we officialy became a couple
>after what felt like an eternity, i wasnt interested in ella that much
>it felt good, not feeling like cheating on my bro
>nicole was amazing in bed
>in all things related to sex, she was a dream come true
>the fantazies she was into were mind boggling
>the things she wore to turn me on
>stockings, garterbelts, schoolgirl outfits
>surprising me with wake up bjs after a long night of sex
>some nights i would think, how the fuck am i supposed to regain my sexual appetite after this
>a couple hours later, there she was again
>wearing something ridiculously sexy
>doing things you could lose your mind for
>the places we fucked
>and the positions we tried were pure pornographic shit
>it felt like half of my daily diet was being used for producing semen
>she wouldnt use condoms
>"wheres the fun in that?" - she asked me the first time we were about to have sex
>she sucked my dick like a vacuum and swallowed everything
>smiling like a sassy high school girl
>always wanting more and more

>good thing i was fit and young
>you cant do some of the things she asked for when youre 29
>i would eat her out until i couldnt feel my tongue
>the girl was a queen of multiple orgasms
>there was no stopping until she said enough
>her sexual needs were so immense, i had a hard time satisfying her...
>i was scared shitless if there would come a time when im simply not enough
>she was loyal and honest as fuck
>never even flirted with the other guys, let alone cheat on me
>i was really skeptical at first
>its a complete opposite of what you would expect
>i somehow raised the issue with a delicate yet curious manner
>i was treading lightly
>didnt want to offend her
>"youre mine anon, and im yours" - she told me
>"nothing will change that until such a time comes that we both decide otherwise" - she would furiously declare
>if there ever was a woman made out of wife material
>nicole was the ultimate prototype
>her understanding of a relationship was beyond belief
>and her connection to me was unbreakable
>she was so incorruptible
>she would straight up hit the guys trying to chat her up in their faces
>"you come near me again and i swear to god i will use my entire boyfriend like a retractable baton and fuck you in the ass with him"
>thats an actual fucking quote i heard her shout at some poor kid
>and there i was, standing like a beta fag who has just won the lottery
>my diamond hard dick pulsating to her commanding voice
>then she kisses me like there is no tomorrow
>finds an empty room in a house full of partying people
>hangs my sock on the door knob
>and fucks my brains out
>yeah... that was nicole in a nutshell

>so i have never imagined there would be trouble at the paradise
>but come summer time, something else happened
>my dad asked one of his old friends in LA for an internship position on my behalf
>his friend accepted me to his firm
>and while everyone was having a great time
>i was supposed to work at the accounting department of this design office in LA
>this meant that i wasnt going to spend my summer satisfying nicole
>or doing anything fun for that matter
>before she went to the airport
>nicole kissed me as if we werent going to see each other again, like ever
>"you don't forget who you belong to mister..." - she told me with tearful eyes
>"i wont nicole, i promise"
>man... the love and care this girl had shown me was something else
>even tho i told her numerous times that i loved her - and i meant it
>i had this feeling that my love for her didnt even come close to what she felt towards me
>"you take care of yourself, you hear?" - and she left, hesitantly walking backwards to her bus to the airport
>pete had already gone home previous weekend
>so i was all by myself, walking around in this college ghost town
>on my way back to the dorm
>wanting to pack my stuff asap and get ready for my flight to LA
>there she was, walking towards me
>"hey! sup anon?" - she greeted me with a warm smile
>"hey ella... i just sent off nicole"
>"awww.. you guuuyyss... she cried right?" - with a snappy laugh - "i know she cried!"
>"haha, well you know her, right?"
>"she loves you anon, thats why" - ella reached out and stroked my arm, showing the she cared
>for the first time in quite a while, i suddenly felt a jolt, a rush
>it was like the time when i first saw her upclose
>as her cold hands brushed my skin, my pupils dilated
>like the first sip of a morning coffee
>a surge of a small dose of adrenaline hit my body

>i quickly broke out of her spell
>i had to
>"so.. where are you off to ella?"
>"oh.. im leaving tomorrow morning, off to see my parents in LA"
>"ummm... we might be on the same flight.." - that was the most sexually neutral thing i could think of at that time
>"you serious? what are you doing in LA?" - ella asked with a delighted curiosity, her big green eyes glimmering with excitement
>"i have this job my dad arranged for me.. im not exactly going there for a vacation" - i pout
>"awww.. dont worry anon, ill keep you company, it will be fine i promise" - cheerfully reassuring me
>my heart skipped a beat
>before i could say anything
>"oh! look at the time, i gotta go now, but hey, see you in LA, if not earlier!" - she winked at me
>she waved and started walking in the other direction
>after mumbling some non-intelligible verbal expressions like "hey.. ye.. wut.. oh" i waved at her
>and watched her disappear around the corner
>and as i was trying to make sense of what just happened, nicole's teary eyed face kept coming into my mind
>i felt like a complete asshole
>what the fuck am i so excited about?
>i mean... ella is my bro's gf
>shes bffs with my gf
>what the fuck am i thinking
>why am i suddenly feeling awkward again?
>i tried not to think about it and started walking away
>next morning was even harder for me
>we were on the same bus to the airport
>and when it was time to check in to our flight
>we were side by side
>naturally, you cant ask to be seated elsewhere when the person youre trying to avoid is right next to you
>i couldnt believe that i was thinking about being seated elsewhere too
>ella was not only a friend
>she was also the one person i had to think of almost as a sister
>i kept texting nicole to make sure that i was ok
>reminding myself of "who i belonged to"
>i was scared, because it wasnt helping at all
>acting like everything is alright
>i boarded the plane with ella

>after chatting for a bit with ella
>she fell asleep
>after some time, i did too
>when i woke up
>her head was on my shoulder
>and my head was on hers
>her fragrant hair was all over my face
>she smelled of vanilla and berries
>her gorgeous scent was so enchanting, i started getting the strangest boner of my life
>i was unsure about what to do
>do i slowly back off?
>do i keep leaning against her head and savor the moment?
>what the fuck am i thinking? why is this an issue?

now i know there must be a lot of you out there, calling me a beta fag
but if bros before hoes doesnt apply here, then where else?

>the only thing i was able to do was to raise my head out of her hair
>and sit upright as best as i could
>i couldnt bring myself to pull away from her
>then as if things couldnt get any worse
>she mumbled in her sleep and put her hand on my chest
>embracing me as if she was sleeping next to pete
>her beautiful hand was lightly hanging on to my shirt
>her cold fingertips gently grazing my bare chest
>this is torture
>pete's voice is ringing in my ears
>"i love her man, i fucking love her" - the time he told me at a party, watching ella from the other side of the room
>with an admiration and love i havent seen before on any mans face
>then i remember nicole again
>and the discernment and the loyalty she has displayed time and again in the face of temptation
>i felt like shit
>concentrated, wc clogging brick of a shit

>an excruciating hour later she woke up
>she blinked her eyes rapidly as she tried to sober up
>and yawned and stretched
>i was losing my mind to the sight of her delicate body
>as every muscle on her body vibrated and contracted
>i was trying to force myself to look away
>not notice her
>but i couldnt
>she looked at me with her sleepy green eyes
>"oh, sorry anon... i get very untidy in my sleep" - she chuckled
>"no worries.." - i tried to match her chuckle nerveously
>shortly after that, we landed
>her parents came to welcome her
>she introduced me to them
>they were nice people, really warm and welcoming
>her mom, after learning that i was gonna be alone in LA
>invited me to their place
>i kindly declined their invitation, telling that my father has already rented an appartement for me
>"well, next week, you must at least come have dinner with us then!" - ella ordered
>"ok then, deal" - i accepted her offer with a million questions and ideas racing in my mind
>shortly after we parted ways, i called nicole and talked to her for an hour
>trying to remind myself of who i am
>and texted pete, telling him about how ella and i were on the same flight to LA
>i hated myself for feeling that an explanation was necessary
>"hey pete, dont worry buddy, my dick wasnt fully erect the whole time she was sleeping on my shoulder" - sorta thing
>"it got hard only when she started stretching her muscles... its aaaiight.."

>i settled at home
>met people at work
>its boring but its ok
>im in LA, lots of things to do
>lots of free time when im not working 9 to 5
>and its only part time so i only work 3 days a week
>a week later ella picks me up from work
>and we go to her house like i promised
>her parents are really cool
>lots of drinking, talking, joking around
>she has a younger brother, jake
>he is 11
>he is a nerd but he is handsome in the same way ella is beautfiul
>fucking little man is on his way to become a motherfucking 10/10 alpha
>i start talking to him
>we hit it off really well
>i start playing vidya with him in his room
>ella joins in
>im like WUT
>turns out ella is a hardcore gamer
>then the feeling returns once more
>ella is sitting between me and jake
>and im trying to hide my boner under a n64 controller
>feeling like im cheating on nicole again
>i start drooling as she kicks our asses in mario kart
>"oh well..." - ella rubs jake's head
>and she turns to me and winks
>"i dunno what you guys were expecting"
>i forget how to speak english as i see her smug face next to mine
>her piercing green eyes
>her sharp, pointy nose couple inches away from me
>her cheeks, red like apples after the rush and excitement of the game
>tiny drops of sweat rolling down on her delicate neck
>my mouth is wide open
>she starts laughing when she sees my dumb as fuck face
>"i only play adventure games anyway, monkey island and such..." - i try to bail out
>"oh is that right, mr. threepwood?" - ella teases me
>OMFG im about to drop dead
>her mom calls us for dessert and coffee
>i stay for another hour, then her dad drives me back to my place

>next week, she called me and asked if i wanna hang out
>i was afraid of how fast i responded "yes!"
>she showed me the sights
>we went to her favorite places
>eating ice cream, hanging out in cafes and shit
>about a month and a half into my stay in LA, i met a couple of her old friends
>i could easily see that some of her high school boys were still in love with her
>losing their minds over how lucky they are to see her once again
>some of them even eyeballed me before ella told them that i was just a friend
>"just a friend" - she said
>and for no reason at all, i felt as if my heart imploded
>whats wrong with what she said?
>yeah, ofc i was just a friend
>it wasnt like i was friendzoned or anything
>she had a bf, i had a gf
>so i was just a friend
>but i was heartbroken nonetheless
>we decided to go to the beach next week
>so next week, 5 of ella's friends and i were at the beach
>9/10 - 10/10 girls with slutty thongs all around us
>everyone is like who gives a shit
>i was the only horny fuck checking out every piece of ass around us
>ella was wearing these loose summer pants and an old XL white shirt
>we find a nice spot
>get settled
>then ella starts taking off her pants and shirt
>.......i force myself to look elsewhere its so painful
>i shit you not
>every fucking person within a 50 feet radius starts looking
>10/10 girls with tight asses and big tits starts cringing
>i can see how jealous they feel
>men are hnnnggg
>then i say fuck it
>i will have to see her body eventually
>no escape
>and i look at her

>just a pair of jet black bikinis
>in them, the most unquestionably beautfiul woman there ever was
>her wavy auburn hair streams to her broad but willowy shoulders
>sharp sunlight is glimmering on her bright green eyes
>her face is already tanned
>reddish spots are formed over her soft cheeks
>her petite pink lips
>and her sharp, small diamond chin
>both moisturized by tiny droplets of sweat
>the elongated and tender tendons on her neck line flows
>to the most beautiful and deep jugular notch
>surrounded by her sharp clavicles
>and then i see them...
>i dont think ive ever seen such breasts before
>not with my own eyes
>not in pictures, not in real life
>slightly bigger than plump greyfruits
>and smooth and solid as if they were carved out of marble
>they stand at attention
>amused by the incompetence of frail gravity
>her small nipples, mildly protruding out of her bikini top
>like searchlights, pointing way up into the sky
>my eyes hover over that sight for a few seconds
>and admire her chest like they have seen the most beautiful work of art ever created
>then i look down
>see her belly
>she has a set of lightly defined muscles surrounding her tummy
>her waist is lean
>and forms a very elegant and gentle hourglass shape
>as they connect to her curvy yet tight hips
>another piece of black cloth covers the magnificent V shape
>the sight of a barely concealed bulge on the cloth stops my heart for a second
>it is an unbelievable awareness, knowing whats behind that cloth
>there is a small opening beneath her crotch
>and i can see the sandy beach in the background from between her legs
>as the lengthy muscles on her thighs expand and contract
>and shiver and vibrate to the warm breeze of cali
>her small knees play around
>and her lower legs keep to the pace
>as the tanned muscles around her tibias enjoy the sunlight
>her feet dig shallow spots in the sand
>tip of her toes curl and point
>her heels ascend out of the sand and dance in the air
>ella. words are empty...

>my eyes were fixed on ella
>ella looks at me
>she leans in with a funny smile on her face
>her youthful breasts come closer to my face than ever before
>"you are staring anon!" - she says calmly while giggling
>my face turns into a mexican tomato plantation
>she walks by me towards the ocean
>looks back with a smile warmer than midday sun
>"you coming?" - and runs into the luke warm water while bouncing her perfect fanny
>"i... im.. in a minute, yeah..."
>i wasnt about to display the biggest tent of my life in front of everyone
>she voices a snappy laugh and starts backstroking away from the beach
>i sit there and start reciting the multiplication table
>as if i was with nicole in bed, trying to delay the inevitable
>moments later i join her
>"um... sorry about before" - i apologize sheepishly
>"haha! dont worry about it, you should have seen pete's face when he first saw me in my underwear"
>mfw ellainsexyunderwear.jpg
>and we're back to where we started. good thing my tent is now underwater
>i try to speak but all im doing is keeping my mouth open without saying anything
>ella is laughing hysterically
>"are your serious anon?"
>"s-s-serious how?"
>"are you seriously thinking of me in my underwear right now?"
>"it.. it comes and goes" - WHAT THE FUCK AM I SAYING
>ella laughs and splashes water to my face
>"come on underwear boy! swim!"
>she starts swimming
>i have nothing else to do but follow her
>few moments later she stops swimming and turns to me
>"hey.. did you call nicole? you guys talking, yes?"
>"yeah.. why?"
>"good. you keep doing that. than you can imagine me in my underwear all you want"
>she chuckles like a prankster and starts swimming back
>my mouth was like a keyboard with coffee spilled all over it
>i followed her back to the beach

>i spent the rest of the day thinking about nicole
>thinking about pete
>and thinking about ella
>i really didnt have to think about ella, since she was suntanning her gorgeous body next to me
>before everybody went home
>ella asked me if i wanted to hang out with her next weekend
>i accepted, naturally
>after i went home, my dad called
>told me to get ready for a trip
>yeah... apparently, i was supposed to go to hong kong
>turns out, my dad is more connected than i previously believed
>i had just a week left to spend in LA
>then it was time for hong kong
>after i spoke to my dad, pete called
>his voice was all fucked up
>told me that ella broke up with her a week ago
>i switched to bro mode and started calling ella a bitch and whatnot
>"dude.. stop.." - he said calmly
>"she was right. this wasnt going anywhere..."
>"how.. what?"
>"look anon, i have nothing that i can offer to her" - pete started explaining
>he told me how ella was smarter than him and how it wasnt about sex or being an alpha and all that shit
>basically like everything else about her, ella was not exactly your usual sorority girl
>she was in her own alpha-omega-fuckyou club
>and pete had nothing more than 4 months worth of fashion class and a few dirty jokes to show for an admission
>"anyways... thought you should know man. take care" - and he hung up
>i was terrified when i realized my first thought was
>"now what do i do with nicole?"
>and my next,
>"what the fuck am i supposed to do in hong kong???"

>next week, i decided to ask ella about what happened before we went to the museum
>we meet
>"sup anon!" - shes cheerful as usual
>"sup ella... so... pete called me"
>her head becomes apologetically heavy
>"sorry for not telling you anon, didnt want you to think less of me before speaking to pete first"
>ella looks at me, feeling stuck between her friendship with me and my friendship with pete
>"wasnt working anon.. things dont always work out. what did pete say about me?"
>"only good things"
>"what did you tell him?"
>"me? i was just.. trying to be a bro i guess"
>ella pouts
>"sorry for putting you in that situation"
>this is the first time ive seen ella unable to drive the conversation
>she looks way too submissive
>i feel bad
>"hey look.. its ok, its not my place to say anything" - i try to comfort her
>ella looks at me, almost waiting for my approval
>then i say
>"lets move on, shall we? besides, we have a date" - WUUUUT
>ella blushes
>i realize what ive just said and how it might be so easily misunderstood
>"ok.." - she doesnt push it and saves me from my own demise
>we get inside the natural history museum and start wandering around aimlessly
>without talking
>couldn't tell her that i was leaving for hong kong 2 days from now
>both our minds are elsewhere
>we get to the prehistorics section
>see the dinosaur skeletons

and no, they DONT WALK

>then we get to the early humans or some other stuff i dunno
>i dont remember why but we stopped in front of this neanderthal skull on display
>we just look at it

>kinda reminds me of something
>"you know.. this looks somewhat familiar.." - i say without looking at ella
>ella doesnt say anything at first, but then
>she loudly cracks an evil laughter in the middle of the fucking hall
>she looks at me with a funny evil face
>with a crackled, badly impersonated manly voice
>"i am a powerful demonic force! i am the harbinger of your doom! let me hear you scream in terror!"
>X______X im melting right now
>i remember
>she gives me a warm smile and starts laughing
>i remember why that skull looks so familiar
>everyone is looking at us like wtf is wrong with these people
>i get so excited my hands start shaking
>"oh.. i think i did it a bit too loud" - she whispers as she keeps chuckling
>"you.. you played mi3?" - i ask her stammering
>"oh i love it anon!" - she grins
>"i figured you would remember murray, you being the adventure gamer and all"
>i have nothing to say
>at that moment, ella stopped being a crush i could hardly admit to
>and turned into my lifes goal i have no idea what to do with
>we started talking about monkey island
>then full throttle
>indiana jones and the fate of atlantis
>all lucas arts games
>old school adventures
>we were cracking jokes
>impersonating key characters
>acting out funny moments
>it got to the point of singing theme songs
>thats when we realized we are sitting next to a prehistoric animal
>in the middle of the museum
>talking about weird games and such like nerds
>security is giving us funny looks
>we laughed about it and decided to leave

>it was getting late, sun was about to set
>"hey anon, come home with me. have dinner with us again!" - ella grabbed my arm and asked me cheerfully
>"id love that!"
>and we went to her house once more
>her parents gladly welcomed me to their home
>jake was in a summer camp or some such
>during dinner, all we could talk about was games
>and anime, comics, the whole nerd nine yards
>her mom and dad were giving each other smirky looks
>i didnt care
>i was losing my mind
>ella... the perfect girl...
>ella invited me to her room
>and that was the first time ive seen ella's room
>anime posters on the walls
>cute bed sheets with girly flowers and stuff
>her neatly folded clothes everywhere
>a full repertoire of fashion pete studied to understand for a whole semester
>a cute and girly elegance
>and a hardcore and tomboyish geekdom
>the best of both worlds, if there was ever such a thing
>"...im at a loss for words" - i declare with my mouth wide open
>ella chuckles and playfully punches my shoulder
>"shut up.. what were you expecting? wall-to-wall posters of some boyband?"
>"hahah.. no, i.. i love it.." - i look around with a huge grin on my face
>"good. now im going to beat your ass in mario kart again. sit down"
>as she forcibly seats me on the floor and in front of a small tv
>huge amounts of cute hearts gush out of all of my bodily orifices
>ella goes over to jake's room and brings the n64
>and we start playing
>this is heaven...

>she kicks my ass in mario kart again
>we switch to SF
>she kicks my ass yet again
>next we try split screen 007
>and guess what.. she kicks my ass again
>she fires up the PS and starts showing me MGS
>ive never played MGS until then, yeah dont judge ok?
>she starts telling me about the story, going crazy excited
>shows me the controls and starts watching as i fumble around
>laughs at my stupidity and ineptness every now and then
>i play and play, lose myself, immerse myself in the excellence of MGS
>then i pause the game
>and realize that she has fallen asleep with her head on my shoulder
>her sweet vanilla and berry scent filling my lungs once more
>she looks peaceful and happy
>i quit the game and put down the controller
>i gently embrace her exquisite body
>putting my arms behind her back and under her beautiful legs
>the thin veneer of her skirt rolls back, revealing her thighs
>i carefully carry her to bed
>tuck her in
>just look at her and appreciate her unbelievable beauty for a moment...
>its 3 am, her parents must already be asleep
>i dont have any way of returning home
>i turn off the tv and the lights
>grab a pack of neatly folded tshirts and use them as a makeshift pillow
>and curl up on the floor
>its hard to fall asleep, the floor is too uncomfy
>i hear shuffling behind me
>i figure she must be turning around in her sleep
>then i feel her hand on my back
>then over my shoulder
>and she rests it on my chest, pulling a thin sheet of blanket over both of us
>her small feet play around and curl up next to mine as she spoons me
>i grab her cold hand and press it firmly against my chest
>she mumbles and plants her face to the back of my neck
>and i fall asleep, madly in love

>next morning when i woke up, she was still sleeping
>during the night, we ended up facing each other
>when i opened my eyes, i found myself looking at her angelic face
>her hair was all over me
>her hand was still holding on to my shirt
>like the time it was back on the plane
>i could feel her breath on my lips
>i wanted to stay there
>more than anything, i wanted to lay next to her forever
>and i wanted to kiss her so much
>but all i could think of was nicole's face
>i carefully reached for my phone in my pocket
>nicole left me a text
>"hey you! wanted to surprise you before you go to hong kong, im in LA! call me when you wake up! i love you :)"
>i go pale
>my mouth dries up
>my heart starts beating to a fight or flight moment
>i gently put ella's hand down
>and back off without waking her up
>i grab my things and exit the house without anyone noticing
>i call nicole
>she tells me to meet her on venice beach
>grab a bite to eat on the way
>coffee to wake up
>the moment i see her i realize the mistake ive made
>my hair is all messed up
>im still wearing yesterdays clothes
>i didnt even brush my teeth
>and my entire body smells like ella's perfume
>its too late
>she sees me and starts running towards me
>and jumps to my arms

>she digs her lips into my mouth
>holds me tightly
>starts kissing me furiously
>then she slows down
>and then completely stops
>her hands and arms lose their grasp on me
>slowly pulls away
>she gently pushes me back to take a better look at me
>she sees the guilt and fear on my face
>her pupils dilate
>she starts turning red
>her eyes fill with fury and anger like nothing ive seen before
>her right hand pulls back and flies into my face
>it lands perfectly
>my ears start ringing
>my vision is blurred
>she doesnt talk
>i dont have anything to say for myself
>i just stay there, with half of my face completely numb
>unable to face her, unable to look her in the eyes
>she slowly turns around and starts walking
>looks back
>"...you coming?" - she looks at me with tear filled mad eyes
>i obey and start following her
>we sit on a bench overlooking venice beach
>we sit there for a few minutes before she finally asks
>"did you sleep with her?" - she doesnt look at me
>"did you kiss her?"
>she stops for a moment
>i realize whats coming.. and its too late
>she turns to me with a face full of tears of anger
>"you... youre in love with her????"
>i cant say anything. i just sit there, my head as low as it can go
>"for how FUCKING long, anon?" - her voice trembles
>"how long?..." - she asks again, barely audible

>"i dont know"
>she hesitates for a moment and then starts talking again
>"i should have known... for the past month, you were all ella could talk about anon"
>i couldnt believe what i was hearing
>i wake up to the shock of this revelation
>"she talked to you about me?" - i ask her, with a skeptical and messed up face
>"yeah.." - she opens her eyes wide, sarcastically
>"can you believe that? you became her number one friend"
>"her confidant"
>"her bff" - she violently fingerquotes her snappish remark
>i dont have anything to say to nicole
>"...and i cant be angry at her for getting close to you, anon..."
>she stopped
>"but you..." - she gets close to my face and puts her index finger sharply to my chest
>"you should have known better" - tapping my chest with her finger
>"...answer me anon" - she whispers
>"WHAT??" - i turn to her
>she jumped back with a surprise
>this was the first time she has seen me scream at anyone, let alone her
>"what do you want me to say nicole? that i love her? that i care for her? that no matter how i feel about you, i cant control how i also feel about her? that even when you and i were just friends and ella was with pete, i couldnt help but feel a strong desire for her?"
>nicole didnt talk. she just stood there and watched me talk with a heartbroken face
>"what do you want me to say nicole?"
>"what do you want me to say? that the first thing i felt was relief when pete told me that she broke up with him?"
>"ok..." - she whispered and stared into the distance

>we continued to talk
>getting angry at each other at times
>but it was more upsetting than vexing
>after an hour of furious argument
>we were tired
>even when pissed off, nicole didnt hold back her love for me
>she got close to me and put her head on my shoulder
>and we started watching the sunset

>"you know what anon..." - she spoke kindly, like a whisper - "there isnt enough sex tricks in the world to keep you away from ella"
>i froze. i felt like a sharp object has pierced thru my chest
>"and there isnt enough small jokes, bouquet of flowers or boxes of chocolate that pete can come to her door with"
>she sighed...
>"so he can hold on to ella..."
>i couldnt speak... couldnt breathe
>"and its alright anon... no matter what we do, you guys were made for each other" - she spoke as she gave in to reality
>"so you go ahead. i told you that you were mine until we both decided otherwise"
>"and we both decided otherwise, you know that..."
>i sat there... with nicole's head on my shoulder
>staring blankly into the crowd of people on venice beach
>knowing that theres no amount of rights i can make to fix the wrong i did her
>the person who loved me so blindly, so vigorously
>that even in the moment of her defeat, she still wanted what was best for me
>"just do one last thing for me.." - she whispered
>i turned my face to her
>and kissed her with a passion like i never have
>she held my face in her small hands
>and broke our bond
>"go" - she said, trying to hold back her tears
>"go before i change my mind... go!" - she started to cry
>holding her hand, i got up. i hesitantly started stepping away
>our arms stretched and reached their length as our fingertips grazed each other and broke away
>i started walking backwards...
>looking at her
>realizing what i have done
>feeling like shit
>nicole wasnt looking at me
>her head dropped
>the palms of her hands were trying to hide the tears
>she was quietly sobbing
>i gasped for air and forced myself away from her
>trying not to think about it
>running away like an asshole
>i must have walked for 3 hours
>not knowing what to do
>it was getting late
>i finally made my decision
>i hailed a cab
>and gave the driver ella's home address

>i arrive at ella's house
>i approach her door
>not knowing what to expect
>i ring the bell
>the door opens
>my heart stops when i see her
>she lowers the cellphone from her ear
>looks at me
>"that was nicole..." - she shakes the phone in her hand
>her beautiful green eyes are bloodshot
>tears running down her face
>she closes the door
>"ella.." - i breathlessly shriek
>i turn my back to her door
>i start walking
>and then collapse
>i start crying like a bitch
>this is just too much
>first nicole
>and now ella...
>the door quietly clicks open again
>the afternoon sun casts a shadow over me
>the shadow eagerly waits
>"what did she say to you..." - i can barely speak
>"that you loved me more than her, you stupid fuck"
>a cold hand grabs my collar
>and pulls me with force
>i stumble and walk to ella's door, following her stern pace
>tears and snot on my face, ugly as fuck
>as i pass thru the doorway
>she turns around
>violently slams the door with a flick of her hand
>and pins me to the shut door with force
>stuffs my face with her lips

>my heart is beating like a jackhammer
>she just stays frozen
>her lips nailed to mine
>her chilled hands hanging from my collar
>her intense kiss gently becomes tender
>and she stops kissing me
>clumsily wipes my wet face with her hands
>sporadically chuckling her heart out while crying tears of joy
>"you look like shit.." - she laughs nerveously
>i smile and laugh
>"come on.. you need a shower"
>she drags me to her bathroom and gives me fresh towels
>i take a shower for an hour
>trying to calm my nerves, trying to make sense to this calamity
>i take way longer than usual
>knowing that when i get out i will have to face her
>and have a talk
>i finally get out and wrap myself with her towels
>go to her room
>ella is in her pjs
>her hair is wet
>she must have had a shower too
>shes sitting on her bed all curled up, holding on to her legs
>she has a deeply concerned look on her face
>i sit next to her and stare at the wall
>expecting a million questions
>she simply says
>"go ahead, say it"
>i dont understand.. i mean say what???
>"say it" - she tells me again with a calm voice
>"...i love you"
>she puts her hands on my face
>and her lips on mine
>and gives me the warmest, most gentle kiss i could have imagined
>we fall back to the bed
>she embraces me

>while her freezing hands caress my skin like ice
>her hot soft lips brush against my face like a velvet cloth
>i hold her tightly
>she opens her arms and lays back
>presents herself to me with an innocent smile on her face
>i take my time and study her
>i dont want to rush anything
>"my parents are gone for the day... we're aaaaall alone" - she sings playfully
>i have all the time in the world
>i rub her tummy
>and kiss the notch under her neck
>she sighs
>ella holds on to me tightly and locks me into herself with her legs
>we stay like that for a long time
>kissing and touching each other
>enjoying the warmth of our bodies
>she pulls her knees up, almost reaching my head
>using her toes
>she carefully grips the edge of the towel on my waist
>starts to slide it down surgically
>exposing me
>ella looks down
>then looks up
>and flashes me a suggestive smirk
>her legs are gingerly dancing on my upperbody
>i can feel the muscles on her legs expanding and contracting as they move around
>i slide my hand from her back to her bottom
>i feel the magnificent curvature of her strained hips
>and catch the waist of her pj bottoms with my fingers
>i slowly pull them down along with her panties
>i feel a gush of warmth in my hand
>i touch her silky smooth bare bottoms
>she bites her lips and dives in to my lips again
>shes kissing me strenuously this time
>hot air licks my face as she exhales from her small pointy nose

>and then i closed my eyes
>and pressed my entire body againts hers
>we slowly curled up into each other
>getting closer and closer
>you would think there is a physical limit to how close you can get to someone
>that limit is not really as apart as it may seem
>there is a point where you fail to distinguish skin from skin
>we hugged each other so tightly
>grabbed onto each other like dear life
>as if we somehow let go, we would fall to our deaths
>we became one
>i dont remember at which point we were actually "having sex"
>with that amount of love and such a strong intimacy
>you dont really understand whats going on
>you dont pay attention to how youre "satisfying" yourself and your partner
>its not about tips and tricks anymore
>its not about knowing what limb to touch
>or where to kiss, lick or do whatever
>that level of unity transcends virtually every "health" magazine bullshit you can read about sex and intimacy
>time loses meaning
>that night, i dont remember for how many hours
>we were inseperable
>we didnt say a word the entire time
>no screaming, no loud noises
>just heavy breathing
>lots of heavy breathing
>the only thing that i cared
>her hands werent cold anymore
>her touch was warm to me, for the first time
>and the only memory i cherished more than anything else
>was the feeling that as if we have known each other for all our lives
>that night, ella wasnt a couple months old friend whom i cheated on my girlfriend or betrayed my best buddy for
>she was the one person dearest to me, above everyone else
>she was my missing piece
>after a long long time has past, i remember finally whispering
>"i love you"
>and falling into the deepest, most relaxed sleep i have ever had

>it was almost dawn when i woke up
>ella woke up with me
>"i have to tell you something..." - i told her
>she looked at me, scared and upset
>"i have to go to hong kong for 2 months... today... i wont be able to spend the rest of summer with you..."
>whatever she was expecting, hearing this news relieved her
>she sighed and planted a passionate kiss on my cheek
>"its ok... we will see each other in school" - she whispered to me softly
>"after all, i have you now..."
>i couldnt have been happier
>hong kong seemed like a punishment after everything that has happened
>but i knew ella would wait for me
>ella sent me away
>convinced me that if we spent even more time
>or if she would come to LAX to see me off, the distance and time would be even harder to bear
>i agreed
>as i was dragging my feet to leave her, i kissed her so much, she had to physically push me away
>giggling with a sleepy face
>"go now! go or you will miss your flight!"
>i went home, hastily packed my bags and left for the airport
>all i could think of was her
>the cab driver had to ask me "where to?" like 3 times

>after i landed and got settled in hong kong
>we started talking on skype
>it was new back then and the connection was shitty
>but it was better than nothing
>eveyday we would talk, sometimes for hours
>there was so much time difference, i was almost an entire day ahead of LA
>but we made it work
>our intimacy was not limited to sex
>and our friendship was more than just ambiguous flirting
>the things we shared, the moments we lived
>even tho they were digital and thousands of miles apart
>i was still in heaven

>a month later
>i came home from work one day
>and there was no response to my calls
>figured, she must be busy, or out, or something else came up
>didnt think of much and went on with the rest of my day
>next day, same thing
>well, unless you are a seriously paranoid person, you dont think of worst case scenarios
>until your buddy calls you
>didnt remember how i responded to that
>i still dont, i only know what pete, mom and dad told me
>turns out, i dropped the phone and was unreachable for an hour
>dont know what happened in that hour
>then they say that i called my folks
>by then, pete told them already
>and they knew i wasnt goint to be able to make my way back on my own
>as i was speaking to (or screaming to) mom, dad was already buying plane tickets
>i didnt realize my mom was crying on the phone
>knowing her son was in so much pain and she was unable to help me
>i was screaming so much, my voice was all but gone
>at some point, my dad picked up the phone
>trying to calm me down
>years later, i asked him once, just once, what happened that day
>never seen a man that white as he told me what happened
>how terrified he was over how i was feeling
>i asked him because the only thing i could remember was pete telling me
>"she's gone... she's gone..."


>i talked to pete one more time before dad arrived
>that i do remember
>you go numb after so much pain
>and start behaving like a robot...
>he knew i wasnt gonna be at the ceremony with him
>we talked about things no one wants to know
>but you just have to know
>like what happens to a car travelling at 60mph
>when it gets rearended by another car
>starts spinning
>and stops when it wraps around a telephone pole
>there was nothing anyone would want to look at
>no open casket
>just a box
>while her family was burying ella
>i was on a plane back to states
>didnt have the power to go back to LA
>and be there with her family
>didnt want to go back to college
>and be all by myself
>i just wanted to go home

>a year has passed since ella's death
>mom and dad were trying to play it cool
>pete was the only one keeping me sane
>he too was affected by ella's passing
>but he was stronger
>he didnt love ella the way i did
>nicole was keeping her distance
>avoiding me as best she could
>on the anniversary of her death, i decided to visit ella's grave
>got on a plane to LA
>i still remember the first time i walked thru those cemetery gates
>its never easy to visit the dead
>i found her
>and stayed there for an hour
>just crying, not knowing what to say
>im not a religious person
>and i dont believe in afterlife
>i had this feeling inside me that no matter what i said
>she wasnt there to see
>or hear
>after a while, a boy walked up to me
>her brother
>young jake too came to visit her sister
>we hugged
>"you should come and visit my folks, anon. they will be happy to see you"
>i accepted his kind invitation
>when we arrived at their home
>the air was thick, filled with sorrow
>her mother smiled when she saw me
>held me in her arms as if i was her own blood
>"oh am i happy to see you" - she cried
>they were relieved they didnt have to be alone that day
>ella's father was already half drunk
>but he was joyful when we started talking about ella
>jake was sitting between his mom and dad
>they wouldnt let go of his hands the entire time
>drawing power from knowing that they are not alone
>and that jake is still here
>after talking about ella
>reminiscing what little time i was able to spend with her
>her mom showed me into ella's room

>the room was left untouched
>nothing was changed since ive been there more than a year ago
>even her neatly folded clothes were still on her chair
>her vidya archive
>her anime posters on the walls
>her mom opened a drawer
>and took out a cd case and a letter
>and handed them to me
>"i believe these are for you, anon"
>she put them into my violently shaking hands
>she kissed me on my forehead and left the room
>i sat on the bed
>the bed in which we had the chance to spend a single night together
>a single night...
>i looked at the cd case
>and immediately burst into the tears i was holding back before
>crying my eyes out, i started reading her letter
>the letter she couldnt send to hong kong

pic related, letter and the cd case

>after i read the letter
>i was in fetus position on her bed
>the love and the loss were too much
>someone slowly sat next to me
>and i felt a familiar hand on my face
>i put my head on her lap
>while nicole caressed my hair
>and calmed me down
>"im here..." - she whispered
>and hugged me as she too quietly cried

>next semester
>nicole and i got closer
>she stopped avoiding me
>and we became friends again
>she understood what i have been thru
>and altho ive broken her heart
>she knew i didnt mean to
>she knew how much i loved ella
>she knew the love ive felt for ella didnt mean i didnt value her
>2 years later we started dating again
>moved to chicago together
>another 2 years after that, we got married
>and i slowly forgot about ella
>while organizing old stuff at our house
>i came across ella's letter and the mi3 cd case
>when i started feeling bad
>she convinced me to write the story down
>so i could get it off my chest
>"i dont want to read it" - she said with a sad face
>"it will be too much for me. but you have to write it down"
>her love and care were heavenly
>"you need this anon"
>i accepted

>last night after i finished writing my story
>nicole convinced me to frame ella's letter
>i looked at her, i was almost about to cry
>she gently held my face in her hands
>"its good to remember anon" - and she planted a tender kiss on my lips
>"she was a good person. you loved her and she loved you"
>i dont even know what to say
>i framed the letter and put it on my nightstand
>we got under the blankets on a cold winter night
>we cuddled
>she embraced me and placed her head on my chest
>and softly whispered into my ear
>"youre mine anon, and im yours..."
>"and as i have said before..." - she was almost asleep
>with an amorous smile on her face
>"until such a time comes we both decide otherwise, nothing will change that"
>and i fell asleep next to the woman i loved
>embracing the woman that loves me

and this is the end of my story...