Eight-Beers Mgee The Irish Bastard
Anonymous' (ID: wH7iH0qC) 03/19/14(Wed)19:54:36 UTC-5 No.538036250 Replies: »538038284 »538045820
Okay /b/, story time. When I was younger, I had this Irish friend who joined our school when I was like 17 Dude died recently, and here is the ballad of the marvellous bastard.
>be average as fuck 17 year old Britbong
>Shitty public school
>Some foreign guy has just joined, his family just moved here
>From some city called Derry in Ireland
>Moved here with his dad and his little sister, his mum died when he was younger
>He gets put in my class and ends up sitting next to me
>This is how I met Eight-Beers Mgee the Irish Bastard
>We'll call him EB for sake of time
>We sit near Greg, the mildly autistic hippo
>Call him a hippo because of his fucking industrial size front teeth and his big fucking lips
>Greg uses his autism to get out of doing and saying whatever the fuck he wants
>Starts annoying EB with shit like "Do you wash in Ireland" and "Do you have schools in Ireland" etc
>Greg has his desk very particularly arranged, pens on one side in a straight line, pencils on the other
>Dude is OCD as fuck with his pencilcase and shit
>Goes nuts if anything gets moved, so his desk is slightly apart from everyone elses
>We all get in shit if we fuck with him on purpose, "We ought to know better"
>The autistic hippo keeps trying to get a reaction out of EB the whole class
>All of a sudden EB just casually raises a foot and pushes the Hippo's desk right the fuck over
>Pens and pencils spill out all over the floor
>Total chaos, blood of the autists fills the room
>Teacher hurries over and is trying to explain to EB about Greg's autism while Greg freaks the fuck out in his chair, breathing heavily as though he's trying to lift his fatass off the ground through nothing but sheer autistic resentment of this Irish cunt
> EB looks at Greg and tells the teacher "Oh sorry, we don't have autism in Ireland"
Will bump with more.
Anonymous (ID: wH7iH0qC) 03/19/14(Wed)20:13:48 UTC-5 No.538039190 Replies: »538045820
>Lunch on EB's third day at our school
>He's made a few friends but mostly hangs out with me
>He's a pretty cool guy, likes the same vidya and movies as me and is a big fan of Rugby, was captain of his team back in Ireland
>Tell him the school has a rugby team, he says he'd like to join
>I'm not on the team because I'm weak and skinny as shit
>EB goes to check it out, starts off on the lower team because he's new
>Lower team consists of fat fucks who think they're stronk and a couple of kind of fast runners
>EB gets the ball and just wrecks fucking everyone
>Runs like a fucking train through the other team
>Fat fucker Thomas says that next half "he'll take him"
>We're lining up to kick
>Thomas positions himself opposite EB
>Runs at him when ball is free
>Jumps on him, grabs him by the neck to pull him down and literally rolls on him like a fucking rolling pin
>EB didn't even have the ball
> "What the fook you playin' at son I didn't even have the ball, do you even know how to fookin' play the game lad"
>Thomas laughs and mocks EB's accent
>EB grins and nods at him
> "You know over in Ireland you have to be fit to play sports, the fatties get left on the sideline."
>Coach is watching the whole time
>Thomas goes to push EB over
>EB grabs his arm and tosses him to the ground, dude twists his ankle or something and starts twitching and squeaking like a baby elephant with parkinsons
>EB gets put on top team
Anonymous (ID: wH7iH0qC) 03/19/14(Wed)20:26:25 UTC-5 No.538041137 Replies: »538041575 »538044074 »538045820 }}
>EB has been around for a few months without incident
>Most people don't give him shit anymore, mostly because he's just a nice guy as long as you're cool to him
>No incidents aside from a few close calls with Greg the Mildly Autistic Hippo
>Me and EB are pretty close, he's told me all this shit about how his friends back home were involved in some paramilitary shit
>Apparently in Ireland they don't have gangs, they have paramilitaries fighting between whether Northern Ireland is British or Irish
>He plays it down a lot, but I can tell some shit must have happened because he always changes the subject when it gets close to home
>Edgy faggot Luke comes back to school
>Luke has been absent for ages because of some disease or something
>Him and EB never really spoke
>Luke hangs around with a pack of niggers who are all apparently in a gang, he likes to pretend he's part of this "gang" and carries this fucking Stanley knife around that he painted red and blue for some reason
>call it the Edge of Privilege
>One day at lunch Luke comes up to EB and out of nowhere starts asking if his dad is alcoholic
> "Nope, why"
> "Oh I thought everyone from Ireland was"
>Luke lukes around luking for everyone to laugh
>"I'm guessin your mam had a fair few before you were born though mate"
>'Well fuck I'd wanna stiff sip if I had to shit out a daft bastardlike yourself. Jog on"
>I chuckle, oh EB
>Luke suddenly draws the Edge of Privilige
>"You want to fuck with the wrong person today Irish boy?"
>EB starts laughing, literally loses his shit at the site of this little faggot in a trenchcoat with a stanley knife
>Lukey no likey
>Fukey gon' fighty
>Walks up to EB and actually presses Edge of Privilege against his arm
>EB grabs his wrist, takes the fabled blade from the hands of the chosen one, tosses it over a fence and punches him straight in the face
>Earns him a suspension but he walks away laughing
>Lukey the Spooky suspended for having a knife on him in school
Anonymous (ID: wH7iH0qC) 03/19/14(Wed)20:33:18 UTC-5 No.538042243 Replies: »538042617 »538042872 »538043579 »538044067 »538045820
>EB starts hanging out with us outside of school
>We're out getting beer, I'm with a 7/10 QT that I've had a crush on for fucking months
>Her and EB get along really well, although I sort of think she only hung out with us because EB did
>EB knows I like her, and QT knows I like her
>That night when we're all drunk, me and QT end up fucking
>Leaving out my side because this is the ballad of Eight Beer, not me
>Spend ages talking with QT, establish that she apparently really likes me back
>Head downstairs to see EB
>Tell him, he says he's "Dead chuffed for me"
>Bro bonding beer session
>EB heads up to bed, I stay down with the other guys to watch TV, QT was asleep when I came down
>About an hour later hear some noise and a scream from upstairs
>QT comes running down with a towel round her, soaking wet, and runs out the front door
>EB comes storming down the stairs
>Ask him wtf happened
>Tells me QT came into his room when he was in bed
>Apparently EB sleeps naked, not surprised since I've found him naked before after a night of drinking
>Says she came on to him, even after all the shit she said
>Ask him wtf made her run outside
>Laughs and says he took a pint to bed with him, it was on the table and when she tried it on with him he tossed it all over her
>Threw her clothes out the window into the rain and told her to go and fetch
>I get feels because she lied to me
>EB tells me not to worry
>Two weeks later he takes me to a pub and hooks me up with a 9/10
Anonymous (ID: wH7iH0qC) 03/19/14(Wed)20:43:59 UTC-5 No.538044014 Replies: »538044770 »538044973 »538045820
>EB and me are total bros after being friends for a few years
>Having him as a best friend is like having those flashy trainers as a kid
>Who cares if you personally look like a twat with them, they make you a cool guy
>My downy little brother developed testicular cancer when I was about 20
>Shit got pretty heavy
>Him and EB were close, mostly because EB would buy him vidya and act super interested in the anime shit he liked, because nobody else other than me would
>Little bro loses all his hair after chemo
>Go to visit him, EB is giving me a lift there
>EB knocks on my door, I answer to see him holding a razor and a basin
>"C'mon lad, it'll be a laugh aye"
>We shave our heads and our eyebrows
>Go to visit little bro
>He thinks it's awesome, get our photo taken together without any hair
>EB lets him draw all kinds of dumb shit on his bald head, lets him draw a dumb moustache on him too
>I let him draw angry eyebrows on me
>Spend ages just dicking around with the kid
>When we leave EB takes me out for drinks to talk about it
>Dude can be surprisingly sensitive for a big dicked irish bastard
>Son of a bitch luke who it is, Dukey the Rookie is across the bar in the same fucking trenchcoat he wore back at school
>Dude has changed, he's awkward as fuck and super quiet
>EB says hi, chats away to him like nothing ever happened
>I watch him get along with Pukey the Nukey as if nothing ever happened
>We head home and EB spend the night sitting up with me playing Battlefront on my old PS2 and drinking, just trying to cheer me up
>Little bro dies a few months later
>EB visited the funeral with me every time
Sorry for that 2sad4me post, but it'll make sense later.
Anonymous (ID: wH7iH0qC) 03/19/14(Wed)20:52:46 UTC-5 No.538045357 Replies: »538045614 »538045820
>Been a few years, I'm 24, EB is 23
>Living together in a flat with some chick and her boyfriend
>EB's birthday is coming up
>Throws a massive party
>The one song I remember is "Uncle Tommy" by The Rumjacks, because it played when shit went down
>Some skinhead fuckers had shown up
>"Hurf derf immigrant tramp gypsy"
>EB told them that he "ain't lookin any trouble lads, have a beer and forget that tripe for the night aye?"
>4 of them jump on him, start beating the shit out of him
>Another 2 stand around to stop anyone trying to break it up
>I tackle one of them to try help him, get the fuck beaten out of me but fuck that it's goddamn EB in there
>There's a scream out of nowhere
>People back off, including the skinheads
>Except one, who's curcled up holding his arm
>EB broke the dudes fucking arm
>He gets up, bleeding out of every pore in his beautiful irish body
>Bouncing around with his fists up, literally looks like he could fly around the room he's bouncing that much
>The skinheads keep going for him but back off every time after he swings, it looks like he could knock a building down with that shit
>Babbling some incoherent shit in Irish rage, nobody understands the words but everyone understands the meaning
>Skinheads pack up there shit and go
>Uncle Tommy is playing in full swing throughout, like a scene from a fucking movie
>When they leave everyone is quiet, EB turns around
>There are some broken bottles on the floor
>"Eight fucking beers! You spilled eight of me fucking beers you hairless fuckin mongrels!"
>Dude is shouting after the guys who jumped him
>Looks at me
>"Eight beers lad, eight fucking beers. What's the fucking craic there like."
Anonymous (ID: wH7iH0qC) 03/19/14(Wed)21:06:02 UTC-5 No.538047326
>EB is going back to Ireland to visit his nan, she's real sick
>Brings me along, wants to show me Ireland
>We land in Belfast, I think that's the capital of the north but not of Ireland, idk how it worked EB never really explained it, said you won't understand the bullshit politics unless you grew up there
>We go to visit his nan with EB's dad and sister, he introduces me
>Sweetest fucking old lady ever, says that "EB was always a rough lad but awk he'd never hurt a soul"
>"Unless they spilled his beer the greedy fucker"
>This woman is clearly the most influential family member in the Eight Beer family
>Tells us not to waste all our time with her, tells EB to show me Ireland's best
>EB shows me round Derry, tells me about how it's split religiously and shows me this big ass wall
>Pretty cool place
>Takes me to Belfast again and shows me the place where the titanic was built
>Ireland is cool as shit
>We end up going to a place called The Crown Bar
>Get pretty drunk, or "tipped" as EB calls it
>Walked around Belfast for a bit, he tells me about the history of some stuff
>Actually pretty interested
>Spend a few nights there, have a fucking blast but decide to head home, don't wanna be an intrusion on the whole nan situation
>EB refuses to allow my departure
>"Lad you're practically a part of the family."
>Plays it off as "Ah mate c'mon we'll have more drinks" etc.
Anonymous (ID: wH7iH0qC) 03/19/14(Wed)21:18:48 UTC-5 No.538049230
Getting close to the end now. Shit's hard to write, I miss that fucker.
>Life is pretty uneventful for a while
>Now is a good time to mention something EB told me when we were younger
>Apparently some Kiddy Fiddler called William Wright fucked EB when he was a kid
>Wright moved to England and became Police Officer before he got caught
>The stuff he did left EB with these huge fucking scars on the insides of his legs
>EB told me I'm the only one who knew
>EB's sister is 19 at this point, she lives with his dad
>His dad is old as fuck now and has a carer, EB and me are over there to keep his little sis company, she isn't that social
>EB guards his little sister with his life, she's probably the most important thing in his life
>She has had one boyfriend, who EB was totally cool with, but when he cheated on her EB went to his house and told him never to talk to her again
>Threatened to break his fucking legs if he went near her again
>Little sis was sad but always appreciates EB's efforts to keep her safe
>EB's dad goes back to Ireland, stay in the old family home
>One night some fucking scumbag breaks into EB's sisters house and breaks a load of shit, fucks her and beats her unconconcious
>She's in hospital, severely fucked up
>EB spends all night there next to her, nearly gets violent when staff ask him to leave so doctors can sort some shit out
>I calm him down and we wait in hospital for a long time
>EB's sister gets better, but is pretty fucked for life. Never talks, never leaves the house, she's pretty much a goddamn vegetable.
>EB spends all of his time off work with her, never comes out anymore, just sits in with her. We sometimes come round and drink with him but he refuses to leave the house.
>One night while he's sleeping, EB's fucked up sister OD's.
>Left a note assuring EB that it's not his fault, that's pretty much the main subject of it. I don't get why she'd need to say that but whatever
>EB is fucked up, he is a changed man
Anonymous (ID: wH7iH0qC) 03/19/14(Wed)21:27:47 UTC-5 No.538050503
>EB doesn't really talk to anyone other than me.
>Tells me he wasn't that close with his family back home, his dad is fucked up with grief and everythings just a mess
>He doesn't want to go home because he has nothing there other than reminders, but doesn't want to stay here because of what happened
>Does his best to be the usual big dick coolguy that he always was, puts on a brave face but if you catch him on his own he's fucking miserable
>He gets in a few fights when we're out drinking, anyone who gives him any shit gets immediately fucking annihilated, none of this "lads everyone chill" stuff that he used to do
>One night he's drunk as fuck at my place
>Dude is fighting back tears
>I had it already guessed, but he starts telling me about how he blames himself for what happened to his sis
>"Happened to me as a lad, should have fucking known better"
>Literally cannot change his mind on this shit, looks like he has himself fully convinced that this is his fault
>Pulls himself together
>We talk about old times, laugh a bit, things actually seem back to normal for a while
>He grabs a couple beers from the fridge
>"Alright mate. Let's have one for old time's sake, aye?"
>Grin and drink
>He spent a good hour drinking that beer, usually takes him minutes
>Sit quietly for a long time
>He eventually leaves, but before he goes he tells me that "You've been a good mate from day one mate. Honestly, out on a limb I'd do fuckin' anything for ya. Take it easy lad."
>He doesn't show up to work the next day
Anonymous (ID: wH7i1-10qC) 03/19/14(Wed)21:43:15 UTC-5 No.538052915 Replies: »538053106 »538053145 »538053148
>EB doesn't reply to texts or answer his phone
>I head to his apartment and have to use my spare key to his place to get in because he doesn't answer his door
>Cutting past the bullshit, EB fucking hung himself the night before
>He was only wearing a pair of jeans, and I noticed that there was a new addition to his family tattoo, presumably done recently
>He always had a tattoo of a lily, and his sisters, dads and nans names were on the stem
>Below the lily, he had some roots leading down to a new name
>After freaking out, I called the police and an ambulance etc
>Found a note, the jist of it was that he blamed himself for not knowing to protect his sister and that he was too miserable to keep shit up
>Apologises for being a bitch
>Thanks me for so many things that I don't need thanked for
>Tells me he stopped by little bros grave on his way home (he'd left a bouquet of lillies)
>Told me to go have a pint for him
It's been a few months, Andy. I buy a beer for you every time. I miss you, you fucker.