The Uncultured Anonymous/Blackmail

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What is blackmail?[edit]

Blackmail is the practice of procuring sensitive information and threatening to release said information unless your silence is (continuously) bought. Blackmail is quite easily, the easiest way of making money you'll ever stumble upon. All it requires is a little initial labor finding the dirt and then reaping the rewards.

Who would do such a thing?[edit]

A lot of people, that's who. Definitions vary, but blackmail can be anything from threatening to reveal who stole a cookie from the cookie jar last night in exchange for money, to threatening to post nude pictures of your sibling in a sexual compromising position with yourself on the internet in exchange for her silence about that particular incident. Needless to say, it's not a business that's dying out anytime soon.

Where do I start?[edit]

There is no real place to start, actually. Since everyone has skeletons in their closets (Granted, some a little more literally than others), prey is in no shortage. The problem is finding someone who'd easy enough to stalk and rich enough to afford being blackmailed. Then it's only a matter of being in the right place at the right time. Particularly juicy targets are:

  • Married men cheating.
  • Politicians doing ANYTHING.
  • Siblings with secrets.
  • Establishment owners with out licenses. (particularly bars without an alcohol sales license)
  • Famous people acting like bints.
  • Desperate website owners in even more desperate need of monies to fund certain whore cartels.

Dirt in different formats[edit]

Obviously, a picture says a thousand words, so pictures are the best way to go. Telling the devout stay-at-home trophy wife that her husband is helping some $10 an hour hoebag find her G-spot isn't a quarter as effective as actually showing her him playing doctor with what may or may not actually be a woman. Second to pictures, are emails. Yes, they can be forged but this is general thought to beyond the means of your average Joe. Got to love that CC: line. Thirdly, you have plain old words. If you're going to be verbal, be sure you can either bullshit well or have some proof to back yourself up. While not entirely damning, it may be damaging to plant seeds of doubt into the mind of a trophy wife as to the whereabouts of her dearly and beloved over the weekend.

What, no danger?[edit]

Make no mistake, this is a dangerous trade. Some people just don't take well to blackmail. The most common reaction exhibited by these kinds of people is the urge to impale you on a pointy object and dump the body in a river. Remember, since you're wheeling and dealing in illegality incarnate here, there's no crying mommie to the cops. You're on your own, skipper. I don't think I even have to mention this, but for the love of Crom; CASH ONLY. If you use registered transactions, you fucking deserve to be caught. Also, another thing to keep in mind is that people with money, power, or BOTH make very dangerous blackmail targets! A prominent politician, for example, could end up blackmailing you right back, as they have (legitimate) access to databases and other resources that you may not. If your attempt is damaging enough, you may even get a hit put out on you, in which case, you are fucked.