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| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:21:00 UTC+1 No.537989407''' Replies: »537989870 »537990586 »538004234 »538009116 | | '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:21:00 UTC+1 No.537989407''' Replies: »537989870 »537990586 »538004234 »538009116 |
| [[File:Idontknow.jpg|thumb]]
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| I got hired by my Dad to do IT. I know very little about IT besides games. These are my IT stories. | | I got hired by my Dad to do IT. I know very little about IT besides games. These are my IT stories. |
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| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)23:42:25 UTC+1 No.538016735 ''' | | '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)23:42:25 UTC+1 No.538016735 ''' |
| {{Greentext|>day 22
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| >its birthday day
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| >office celebrates all the months birthdays
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| >take cake
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| >set up n64 in the boardroom
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| >challenge people in the office to goldeneye
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| >keep saying "Hey I'm just taking a 5 minute break for some cake... want a quick game?"
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| >own the shit out of all of them
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| >realize I did absolutely nothing all day but eat cake and game
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| >no one ever noticed}}
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| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)23:47:35 UTC+1 No.538017463 '''
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| {{Greentext|>day 23
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| >cougar calls in from the road
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| >she's having trouble accessing a key app for a client on her ipad
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| >she tells me its name
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| >have no idea what it is
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| >but make sure to sound astute
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| >ask her if she's using WIFI or 3G
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| >"How do I check"
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| >"Nevermind let me check from my maincore system"
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| >google the app but nothing comes up
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| >ask one of the other sales people
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| >"oh it's just an infographic on our main site"
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| >tell the hot cougar to come into the office because it's going to require me to hardcode the changes in
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| >she drives 2 hours to come to the office so I can open up Safari and bookmark it to her ipad homepage}}
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| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)18:56:07 No.538018694'''
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| I'll continue this tomorrow, believe it or not there's an ending to this but I can't get to it today.
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| {{Greentext|>day 24
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| >people heard from the 45 year old events planner I do house calls
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| >bunch of idiots are bringing in their home computers, mobile devices, anything technical for me to fix
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| >tell people I can only do it after hours and I charge $20 for small stuff and $50 for large.
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| >most of it is simple fixes
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| >windows updates or adobe reader installs fix it
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| >but then I get it
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| >the laptop from hell
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| >this fat indian guy hands me his laptop in a plastic bag, not a laptop bag, a plastic one
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| >"What's wrong with it?"
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| >"You tell me genius"
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| >Load it up and it's asking for some system restore or something.
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| >just hit next and okay
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| >fixes it but it says I need to load chkdisk?
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| >figure that has something to do with the cd drive
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| >open it up
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| >there's a thick fucking layer of bread crumbs in the tray
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| >tilted the machine to its side
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| >motherfucking bread crumbs just pouring out of the laptop
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| >restart the machine
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| >it loads perfectly
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| >turns out the guy was using it as a tray for his morning bagel
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| >fucking toaster laptops}}
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|
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| ==Thread 2==
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| '''Anonymous (ID: I9PWPzZB) 03/20/14(Thu)17:27:40 UT'''
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| Hi /b/ ifs the IT guy from yesterday
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|
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| {{Greentext|>day 25
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| >even though I'm shit at IT
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| >one guy thinks because I am IT I am super techy
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| >he asks me what my favourite browser is
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| >"Google...Ultron"
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| >"Is it like chrome?"
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| >shit thats what I meant
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| >"yeah...but better...it’s what nasa uses"
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| >"cool could you dl that for me?"
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| >gulp no worries'
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| >literally start the mouse back and forth so fast you can't see the cursor
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| >then ctrl alt deleted into task manager
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| >"there....you go. All done. It looks like google chrome, but it's really ultron, no one else can tell."
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| >to this day he still thinks he runs google Ultron
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|
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|
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| >day 26
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| >some woman calls me over
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| >"it'll just take a sec, its super simple"
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| >shit
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| >asks me to hook her up to a new printer
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| >she hops out of her chair and lets me sit down
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| >forget how to add network printers
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| >her and her friend are talking right over my shoulder staring at the screen
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| >Is this going to take long?"
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| >I fake deep thought as I stare at the screen with one hand on my temple
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| >"Anon? I have a deadline is this going to..."
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| >"What the fuck..."
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| >both of the women are startled
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| >'THERE'S A VIRUS ON THIS MACHINE"
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| >and I just storm off like I'm pissed
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|
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| >day 27
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| >learn about a remote access tool that the whole office uses
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| >decide to haunt the old nice old lady from before
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| >i randomly move the mouse for a few hours
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| >she struggles to do basic tasks
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| >she comes and asks me for a new mouse
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| >oblige her
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| >hook it up and leave
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| >look back at remote tool
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| >mouse is moving again, she opens up word
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| >I begin to type
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| >"Hi"
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| >no response
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| >"Hi"
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| >"Hello? Who is this?"
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| >"It's death :("
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|
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| >day 28
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| >a guy asks me to burn him a copy of a dvd for a presentation
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| >holy fuck I know how to do that
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| >burn it for him
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| >march back down to his office, proudly holding the dvd high in the air
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| >Woman tries to stop me "Hey can you..."
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| >"Not now... I've got IT business to attend to"
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| >hand the guy his burned dvd
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| >this might be one of the first things I've done right here
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| >tear in my eye
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| >so proud of how far I have come
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| >I am true IT
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| >5 minutes later I get a call "Hey...yeah there's nothing on the dvd
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|
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| >day 29
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| >give new hire her new laptop
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| >nothing is fucking setup right
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| >forgot to hook up her outlook to exchange
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| >no worries she did it herself
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| >cool
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| >she asks me if I can type in the admin credentials so she can dl some social media tool
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| >"Sure"
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| >fuck up the login credentials like 3 times and get locked out
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| >have to unlock it from my machine
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| >can't figure it out but go back because I left my gameboy in her office
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| >she starts making small talk
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| >"So where'd you go to school to become an IT person?"
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| >she's fucking on to me
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| >try logging in once more to admin account
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| >locked out still
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| >"Yeah... you know what? I think this Hootsuite extension is a virus. I don't want that shit on my network"
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|
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| >day 30
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| >here's where shit starts to really hit the fan
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| >as you know i had setup a bitcoin mining rig in the server room
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| >it was just eating up all the bandwidth
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| >the whole network was barely operational
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| >and now because of my ineptitude and blaming things on viruses people started a rumour
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| >that the whole network was being attacked by a rogue hacker group
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| >after lunch I get pulled into a meeting by with all the execs
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| >the jig is up
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| >"As you know we've been experiencing a multitude of issues with our network
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| >fucked
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| >"from the lag to the viruses"
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| >so tucked
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| >'We want you to head up the investigation and find out who's doing this and why"
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| >ROFL
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| >I am the fucking dirty cop on the force who's tasked with finding the dirty cop
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| >I am the fucking law
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|
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| >day 31
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| >tell people fm running server calibrations
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| >"ifs like dusting for finger prints"
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| >no ones the wiser
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| >show this one middle aged guy with a beard how to use a webapp
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| >go to favourite it for him and put it on the toolbar
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| >notice all of his favourites
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| >Big titty housewife
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| >Pajama Butt Slut
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| >Mexican girl on bus
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| >mouse over them as I mouth read them
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| >he starts freaking out
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| >begs me not to tell
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| >"Why shouldn't l?"
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| >"I’ll buy you lunch"
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| >got 10 chicken nuggets
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|
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| >day 32
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| >for some reason the entire office is having to fill in a captcha every time they google anything
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| >have no idea why this happening
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| >Google ultron guy asks me if this has to do with the virus and if he should be backing up his data
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| >"First. Always back up your data."
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| >he nods to my tech savvy
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| >"Second. It's a security measure I've put in place. There are robots afoot."
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| >he nods again like my word is law
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|
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| >day 33
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| >Ultron guy blabs and tells everyone about google ultron
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| >now everyone in the fucking office has a sharepoint ticket asking for it to be installed
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| >a few of the more competent people are asking me what the fuck google ultron is
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| >I just give them finger guns until they walk away
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| >have to spend entire day going from desktop to desktop pretending to dl google ultron
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| >literally spend 3-4 hours pretending to dl software that nasa uses
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| >one girl asks me if this even legal
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| >"Are you a cop?
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| >she reports me to HR for "criminal like behaviour"
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| >have already explained to HR what google ultron is...
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| >HR thinks its real
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| >HR thinks nasa uses it
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| >HR tells the narc to stop interfering with important technological matters because the narc doesn't know anything about IT like me
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| >doesn't know anything about IT like me
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|
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| >day 34
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| >been playing portal 2 all day in my office
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| >haven't heard so much as a complaint
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| >haven't had to update adobe reader or adobe flash all fucking day
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| >something's not right
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| >no one's said shit about it
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| >poke my head out of the office
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| >everyone's heads down just typing away
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| >starting to get worried
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| >ask a guy how his computer is working
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| >"Great. Ever since you downloaded Google Ultron, my whole computer has just been flying"
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| >wtf
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| >do a quick google search on google chrome
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| >supposedly it automatically downloads the most up to date versions of adobe
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| >omfg
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| >if I don't have fucking adobe reader I'm fucking out of a job
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| >send out mass email
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| >ATTN: do not open google ultron it has been hacked
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| >spend rest of day uninstalling and making IE the default browser
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|
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| >day 35
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| >people are becoming restless with the hacker/virus stuff
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| >they wonder why I haven't solved the case yet
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| >some even believe its not a hacktivist group like I've been hinting
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| >"We're not just dealing with amateurs here. Were dealing with the best. And that's why I need to update your antivirus scanner"
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| >just to strike the fear into people I covertly turn on the computer of a person who's sick and stationed right in the middle of one of the larger areas
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| >turn off her monitor
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| >put speakers full
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| >then go back to office and remote in
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| >play Wham's Jitterbug at 3 second intervals throughout the day
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| >eventually people start coming to my office to report this
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| >I nod
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| >Its worse than I thought"
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| >"What? What is it?"
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| >Its the Jitterbug gang. One of the world's best hacking groups"
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| >"I've never heard of them."
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| >That's why they're the best."
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|
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| >day 36
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| >check messages
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| >local police called
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| >FUUUUCK
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| >need to speak with me since I am IT about recent hacks on our organization
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| >delete message
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| >cougar comes into my office
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| >asks if I can adjust her desktop so the wallpaper changes every couple of minutes
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| >"Sure."
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| >head over there with her
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| >she tells me she's getting a divorce
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| >"Oh."
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| >Says she's actually starting to date again and its pretty awkward
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| >fuck it
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| >“Wanna maybe grab a beer sometime after work?"
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| >she laughs
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| >"What? I mean why not?"
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| >"You're joking right? You're IT..."
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| >my eyes well up as I stare at adobe prompts me that reader has a new update
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| >"Just gonna download this."
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|
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| >day 37
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| >feeling like shit today
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| >cougar told her sales friends that I tried asking her out
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| >people are laughing behind my back
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| >can hear the whispers
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| >"ewwww hahah IT?!!! ewwwww"
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| >want to just open up a computer and jump through the moving cpu fan
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| >mean sales guy who usually calls (yeah that one) stops by office
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| >"My laptops not working"
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| >I trudge over to his desk with him
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| >hit the power button for a reset
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| >don't say anything and just walk away
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| >"If that's all you ever do.. Why do we need you?"
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| >turn around
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| >"what?"
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| >"if you only ever just restart my computer... why are we paying you? I can restart my own damn computer"
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| >grin
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| >"Have you ever repaired a server here? Do you know how hard it is to get it operational? Remember how we were down for a day and a half?"
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| >he shakes his head
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| >'That's what I thought."
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| >of course I just restarted it lol
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|
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| >day 38
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| >still feel like shit after the cougar shut me down
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| >decide to block 1 major site on the webfilter every hour
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| >feel like the Joker doing it
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| >first youtube
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| >then ebay
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| >then reddit
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| >hear the moans from people as they read my webfilter note
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| >This is a place of work not a fun house"
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| >One woman storms into office
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| >'This is not funny...this is serious"
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| >'Why so serious?" I ask her
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| >"I need you to unblock ebay"
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| >lol seriously
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| >"I HAVE AN AUCTION ENDING IN 5 MINUTES!"
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| >put it back on the safe list
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| >but it was too late
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| >she missed out on her cellphone case
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| >mwhahahahaha
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|
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| >day 39
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| >an "investigator" comes to the office
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| >the execs were worried that we had too much to lose and wanted to bring in a professional
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| >I'm fucked
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| >show him around the office
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| >he keeps asking to see the server room
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| >And this is Carol. She's a riot. Aren't you Carol"
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| >doing everything I can to stall
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| >we go back into the server room
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| >he compliments me on how neat the cables are
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| >think about picking up a monitor and bashing his skull in and then running away to mexico
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| >can't do it
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| >I'm not a monster
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| >I'm IT
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| >the guy goes onto the server
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| >asks me for the login info
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| >figure the jig is up
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| >give it to him
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| >he logs in
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| >opens up IE
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| >looks over his shoulder at me
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| >"You don't need to be here"
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| >"It's fine"
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| >I need to be there when it happens
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| >he literally starts shaking his mouse really quickly around IE clicking on random parts of the screen
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| >I know because a popup for Home depot came up
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| >he starts muttering to himself... "hmmm... hmmm"
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| >watch him type in adobe reader in google
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| >he dl’s it
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| >swings his cursor around some more
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| >and then finally goes
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| >"fucking hackers right?"
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| >we are brothers he and I
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| >IT brothers
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|
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| >day 40
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| >wake up and realize how lucky I truly am not to be fired or worse
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| >see cougar girl walking into the office from parking lot
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| >asks me how things are going
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| >I think we finally put an end to the jitterbug gang
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| >"no, I meant... not work stuff'
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| >look at her strangely then smile.
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| >"Oh you know how it is
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| >she flicks her hair and then laughs
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| >what the fuck?
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| >"Cool. I'm having problems opening a file can you open it for me hun?"
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| >sigh
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| >"Yeah sure..."
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| >we walk into her office she's being all flirty
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| >click on the sharepoint link of a pdf file
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| >won't open
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| >download adobe reader
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| >while its loading I ask her what she's planning on doing on the weekend
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| >"I'm going to the mountains with this guy for our first getaway"
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| >stop adobe reader at 80%
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| >walk right out
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| >I am IT
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|
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| >day 41
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| >this hot yoga girl from events comes into my office
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| >her keyboard keeps typing in french
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| >too busy playing flappy bird to care
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| >"so are you going to help me?"
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| >“if things slow down. Eve been swamped today"
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| >"I'm going to fucking kill you”
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| >she waggles her glorious yoga butt away
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| >cute girl. and don't even care anymore just want day to fucking end
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| >I hate this fucking job
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| >all I do is get yelled at abd download adobe reader
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| >I can't even find the joy in games any more
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| >Dad walks by
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| >sees I'm looking blue
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| >Dad takes me out for lunch
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| >pats me on the shoulder
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| >"I'm so proud of you son."
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| >to date the company is in fucking shambles
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| >and I still am primarily an adobe reader downloader
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| >but I wouldn't change any of it for his very next words
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| >"I love you son." }}
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| Thanks guys and thanks Dad for the job. :)
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| Don't forget to download your adobe readers guys.
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