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| ==Thread 1== | | ==Thread 1== |
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| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:21:00 UTC+1 No.537989407''' Replies: »537989870 »537990586 »538004234 »538009116 | | '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:21:00 UTC+1 No.537989407''' Replies: »537989870 »537990586 »538004234 »538009116 |
| [[File:Idontknow.jpg|thumb]]
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| I got hired by my Dad to do IT. I know very little about IT besides games. These are my IT stories.
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| | |
| {{Greentext|>be first day
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| >woman asks me if I can install the latest version of adobe reader
| |
| >fuck ya I got this
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| | |
| >DL like a boss
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| >"Wow you're like a computer expert"
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| >"Well you know..."
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| >Asked to input admin credentials
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| >forget admin credentials
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| >try admin:password
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| >nopejpg
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| >"uhhhh... uhhhh... oh crap somethings going on with the server... be right back"
| |
| >3 months later she still doesn't have adobe reader}}
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|
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|
| | I got hired by my Dad to do IT. I know very little about IT besides games. These are my IT stories. |
| | |
| | {{Greentext|>be first day |
| | >woman asks me if I can install the latest version of adobe reader |
| | >fuck ya I got this |
| | |
| | >DL like a boss |
| | >"Wow you're like a computer expert" |
| | >"Well you know..." |
| | >Asked to input admin credentials |
| | >forget admin credentials |
| | >try admin:password |
| | >nopejpg |
| | >"uhhhh... uhhhh... oh crap somethings going on with the server... be right back" |
| | >3 months later she still doesn't have adobe reader |
| More? | | More? |
| | '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:25:29 UTC+1 No.537989990 Replies: »537990181 »537990586 »537991061 »538000632 »538005631 »538009358 |
| | >be day 2 |
| | >angry guy is on the phone asking me about some weird in house program |
| | >have no idea what the fuck he's saying |
| | >there's a pause |
| | >he's waiting for an answer |
| | >think back to the IT crowd |
| | >"Have you tried turning it on and off again" |
| | >"Like restarting" |
| | >"Give me a sec..." |
| | >it fucking worked }} |
|
| |
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| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:25:29 UTC+1 No.537989990''' Replies: »537990181 »537990586 »537991061 »538000632 »538005631 »538009358
| | '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:29:04 UTC+1 No.537990437''' Replies: »537990802 »537996957 »538001173 |
| | | |
| {{Greentext|>be day 2
| | {{Greentext|>day 3 |
| >angry guy is on the phone asking me about some weird in house program
| | >hot sales rep comes in with laptop issues |
| >have no idea what the fuck he's saying
| | >she's 9/10 cougar |
| >there's a pause
| | >all flirty with me |
| >he's waiting for an answer
| | >tells me she needs something updated |
| >think back to the IT crowd
| | >can only hear her boobs |
| >"Have you tried turning it on and off again"
| | >her laptop smells like straberrys |
| >"Like restarting"
| | >download adobe reader for her and hand it back }} |
| >"Give me a sec..."
| |
| >it fucking worked}}
| |
| | |
| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:29:04 UTC+1 No.537990437''' Replies: »537990802 »537996957 »538001173 | |
| | |
| {{Greentext|>day 3 | |
| >hot sales rep comes in with laptop issues | |
| >she's 9/10 cougar | |
| >all flirty with me | |
| >tells me she needs something updated | |
| >can only hear her boobs | |
| >her laptop smells like straberrys | |
| >download adobe reader for her and hand it back}} | |
| | |
| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:33:46 UTC+1 No.537991024''' Replies: »537991502 »537992334 »537996961 »537999125 »537999236
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| | |
| {{Greentext|>day 4
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| >figure out how to turn off the servers
| |
| >when people start asking for help
| |
| >go into server room
| |
| >turn off servers
| |
| >come out oblivious and start downloading adobe reader
| |
| >eventually people start screaming
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| >THE SITES DOWN! THE SITES DOWN!
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| >"I'm on it!"
| |
| >run back to the server room
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| >play hotline Miami in the back for few hours
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| >turn server back on near end of day
| |
| >come out of server room
| |
| >wipe brow from face
| |
| >"I did it..."
| |
| >people are singing my praises saying i saved the day
| |
| >really just saved the girlfriend in HM}}
| |
| | |
| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:49:03 UTC+1 No.537992985''' Replies: »537993131 »537994992
| |
| | |
| {{Greentext|>day 5
| |
| >run into cougar at coffee machine
| |
| >ask her how things are going, just a general statement
| |
| >instantly thinks im talking shop
| |
| >starts telling me all the shit wrong with her computer
| |
| >she doesn't see me as a human
| |
| >she sees me as an it
| |
| >tell her to drop off her laptop
| |
| >she does
| |
| >I upgrade her ie
| |
| >download adobe reader
| |
| >restart the machine
| |
| >everythings fucking working
| |
| >run it back to her
| |
| >fix my hair
| |
| >check my breath
| |
| >act like I saved the day
| |
| >she's in her office on the phone
| |
| >she motions to put on her desk
| |
| >I do...kind of linger
| |
| >"Is that everything hun?"
| |
| >leave
| |
| >hear her say "oh it was just IT"
| |
| >just IT
| |
| >that is all I am now}}
| |
| | |
| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:07:05 UTC+1 No.537995276''' Replies: »537995863 »537996374 »537996510 »538003364
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| | |
| {{Greentext|>day 6
| |
| >really bored
| |
| >decide to download a gameboy emulator and play some pokemon
| |
| >the webfilters blocking it so I turn it off the whole thing I dont just whitelist it, I turn it all off
| |
| >get to emulator site but now I need to turn off the antivirus
| |
| >use the admin which I now know to do it...
| |
| >end up turning off the whole antivirus settings on the server
| |
| >download my emulator and rom
| |
| >play my game
| |
| >guy comes into my office
| |
| >"I think I caught I virus"
| |
| >me "gotta catch em all"
| |
| >by the time I'm facing Misty 4 people have viruses}}
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| | |
| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:12:16 UTC+1 No.537995969''' Replies: »537996586
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| | |
| {{Greentext|>day 7
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| >same guy that was yelling at me day 2 is yelling at me
| |
| >he cant remotely log in just as I am about to leave to go home
| |
| >"Try turning it off then on again then call me back"
| |
| >go home}}
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| | |
| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:17:35 UTC+1 No.537996668''' Replies: »537997456 »538000370 »538009753
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| {{Greentext|>day 8
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| >guy call from day 7 calls back
| |
| >he's pissed
| |
| >tells me he lost a client because of my stupidity
| |
| >"shit happens man. I lost to team rocket like 10 minute ago"
| |
| >"what the fuck are you talking about?"
| |
| >click}}
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| | |
| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:24:52 UTC+1 No.537997654''' Replies: »537997961 »537998938
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| | |
| {{Greentext|>day 9
| |
| >one of the printers is out of toner
| |
| >some fat guy tells me to change it
| |
| >"its a toner man... can't you change it? I'm working on this huge issue with the server"
| |
| >was really downloading steam
| |
| >"it'll take a second... god I have much more important stuff to do... that's why you're here"
| |
| >sigh and go do it
| |
| >can't figure out how to fucking open the fucking cartridge door
| |
| >start hitting it like they do in zoolander
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| >tell the poor mentally challenged guy in the mail room I have a special job for him
| |
| >he has to hide the magic egg in the chest of Hewlet Packard
| |
| >go back to my server business
| |
| >half an hour later the fat guy comes into my office
| |
| >"What the fuck did you do to the printer?"
| |
| >"Changed the toner"
| |
| >He just starts shaking his head and muttering shit
| |
| >we walk over to it
| |
| >the mailroom guy jammed the cartridge in the wrong way and actually lodged it in there so half of it is sticking out
| |
| >the door cant even close
| |
| >there's black hand prints all over the printer too
| |
| >Can feel the guy judging me so I just spew bullshit
| |
| >"Looks to be a probably with the network."
| |
| >the printer was down for over a month before I figured out we have a printer guy on call}}
| |
| | |
| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:36:30 UTC+1 No.537999228''' Replies: »537999356 »537999386 »537999617 »537999839
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| | |
| {{Greentext|>day 10
| |
| >have to set up projector in the boardroom
| |
| >cant find a thunderbolt to hdmi cable to hook it up to lazy to go to the store
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| >dont even have a corporate card either
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| >tell the people needing the projector that there's a compatibility issue with macbooks
| |
| >they use some guys dellbook
| |
| >the files from the mac end up not running on the dellbook
| |
| >call me in mid meeting
| |
| >all these business people staring at me as I am randomly clicking folders as fast as possible to look like I am pro
| |
| >download adobe reader
| |
| >double click files
| |
| >works
| |
| >"Thanks Anon, you saved me"}}
| |
| | |
| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:44:31 UTC+1 No.538000403''' Replies: »538000602
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| {{Greentext|>day 11
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| >there's a new hire
| |
| >no one fucking told me anything
| |
| >get screamed at that theres no computer for this new person
| |
| >go in back to see if we have any spares
| |
| >there's a few
| |
| >but there's also some really old pcs from like the early 90's
| |
| >boot it up
| |
| >works
| |
| >set up new person
| |
| >everything lags
| |
| >you open adobe reader? massive fucking lag
| |
| >send out the computer
| |
| >"it's the best we've got on short notice"
| |
| >get like 40 sharepoint tickets the first day from that person
| |
| >he's a real stickler for help
| |
| >he ends up quitting the very next week saying he can't work under these conditions}}
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| | |
| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:54:24 UTC+1 No.538001801''' Replies: »538001991 »538002151 »538002582 »538003029
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| {{Greentext|>day 12
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| >someones computer crashed
| |
| >fuuuuuuuuck
| |
| >set up computer
| |
| >remember something about profiles being saved on the network
| |
| >go back to the server room
| |
| >look at the server rack like a total idiot as I try and figure out in my head how this works
| |
| >tell the guy all his data is lost and there's nothing I can do
| |
| >"b-b-bbut my project... i have to present that to the board on friday..."
| |
| >"gone, man. It's gone"
| |
| >play sim theme park the rest of the day}}
| |
| | |
| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)22:09:56 UTC+1 No.538003978 '''
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| | |
| {{Greentext|>day 13
| |
| >roll up to work an hour late
| |
| >whole office is in chaos
| |
| >fallofrome.jpg
| |
| >"HE'S HERE!"
| |
| >Go in to my office open up mail
| |
| >dozens of emails like:
| |
| >"Hey is there something wrong with the server I can't log in to..."
| |
| >"Any idea why the site is down I..."
| |
| >the server is actually down
| |
| >adobe reader can't save me now
| |
| >"Just go back there and do what you did last time!"
| |
| >everyone thinks its an easy solve
| |
| >literally shaking in the server room because I don't know what to do
| |
| >nap in server room for entire day
| |
| >people are pissed can hear them banging on server door
| |
| >we've missed deadlines
| |
| >leave at 6:30 pm
| |
| >the CFO sees me in the parking lot
| |
| >hes been in a meeting all day doesn't know about my struggles
| |
| >"You're still here?! That's the kind of can-do attitude I like to see"}}
| |
| | |
| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)22:16:37 UTC+1 No.538004926''' Replies: »538005196 »538005209 »538005270 »538005631
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| | |
| {{Greentext|>day 14
| |
| >server is still down
| |
| >my dads asking questions
| |
| >everyone is pissed
| |
| >take an early lunch
| |
| >over hear some guys at the restaurant talking about buying a new modem for the office
| |
| >hailmary.jpg
| |
| >"Hey sorry to bother you during your lunch...but would either of you happen to be IT?"
| |
| >before either of them could read me the riot act and tell me something like how the fuck dare I
| |
| >I'm IT too
| |
| >I show them my hand that I scratched up crawling wire on the floor
| |
| >they nod
| |
| >"What would you try doing if your server is completely fucked?"
| |
| >"Have you tried restarting it?"
| |
| >I go back and restart the physical machine
| |
| >it fucking works}}
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| | |
| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)22:22:06 UTC+1 No.538005784''' Replies: »538006516
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| | |
| {{Greentext|>day 15
| |
| >hot cougar walks by office looking distressed
| |
| >"Everything okay?"
| |
| >"Oh good... I cant log into my email... can you please help me... PLEASE"
| |
| >"I got you."
| |
| >get her laptop
| |
| >re-install microsoft office
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| >outlook works again
| |
| >poke through her emails to make sure things are working
| |
| >send a test file
| |
| >read the titles of her latest emails
| |
| >"Divorce"
| |
| >hand back her laptop
| |
| >"Looks like its working now"
| |
| >"Thanks..."
| |
| >"Everything okay?"
| |
| >"Well..."
| |
| >this is fucking it, tell me your sob stories cougar woman and then its on
| |
| >"My mouse is acting a bit funny, can I get a new one"}}
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| | |
| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)22:33:21 UTC+1 No.538007465'''
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| {{Greentext|>day 16
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| >one of the mailroom guy's monitors isn't working
| |
| >it's coming up all green
| |
| >backstory: there's been a huge misappropriation of funds because I gave him dual monitors just because he's a mentally challenged and I figured if anyone needs 2 screens its him
| |
| >all he does is look at msn slideshows
| |
| >and use the fedex webapp or something
| |
| >he's a nice guy so I actually try and fix it for him
| |
| >nothings working
| |
| >think its a driver issue
| |
| >think its a setting issue
| |
| >think its an actual hardware issue
| |
| >whole time people are coming to me with real problems but I keep saying "I'll be there in a minute"
| |
| >after 2 hours the mailroom guy goes
| |
| >"maybe da pug ish boken"
| |
| >I swapped out the hdmi cable with a brand new one
| |
| >it worked
| |
| >I officially am less adept at my job then a poor mentally challenged guy}}
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|
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|
| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)22:43:12 UTC+1 No.538008829 ''' | | '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:33:46 UTC+1 No.537991024''' Replies: »537991502 »537992334 »537996961 »537999125 »537999236 |
| | |
| {{Greentext|>day 17
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| >nice old woman who talks to me about sports tells me her keyboard is shit
| |
| >she's oldest person in the office by far
| |
| >old as dirt
| |
| >tell her I have just the thing
| |
| >go in the back and unbox a brand new keyboard meant for the programmers
| |
| >bring it to the old woman
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| >"You're such a helpful young man"
| |
| >reach down awkwardly to plug in the new keyboard
| |
| >get back up and dust pants off
| |
| >old lady looks like she's having a heart attack
| |
| >look at the screen
| |
| >it's fucking blank
| |
| >on my way back up to my feet I hit the power button
| |
| >she lost 3 hours of work
| |
| >3 hours that old woman will never ever see again}}
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| | |
| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)18:17:40 No.538013416 '''
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| {{Greentext|>day 18
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| >company meeting
| |
| >were over budget
| |
| >there has been ridiculous spending
| |
| >"we've lost money for almost a month..."
| |
| >day 18
| |
| >almost a month
| |
| >they are going to out me
| |
| >IT budget comes up in discussion
| |
| >were one of 2 departments that are coming under budget
| |
| >"Great job Anon. I heard about the server issues here... you're the man"
| |
| >at the end of the meeting a 45 year old events planner asks me if I fix computers on the side
| |
| >"Not really..."
| |
| >"Oh... I have this one blasted thing that needs fixing. You couldn't just come over and fix it?"
| |
| >bullshit
| |
| >for a laugh I say, "yeah it's cool, just give me your address and I'll be over after work"
| |
| >not sure if I'm getting sex
| |
| >buy condoms
| |
| >she's not that hot like a 6/10 tops
| |
| >not even going to lie
| |
| >last call kind of hot
| |
| >arrive at her house
| |
| >ring the door bell while standing all suave leaned up against the door
| |
| >her husband answers the door
| |
| >shows me to the computer
| |
| >install the latest version of adobe reader
| |
| >get $20
| |
| >go home}}
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| | |
| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)23:23:20 UTC+1 No.538014162 '''
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| {{Greentext|>day 19
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| >some guy crashes a program so I have to reinput the settings
| |
| >go onto his cubiclemates computer
| |
| >check settings
| |
| >2 hours later
| |
| >"You wrecked my computer...lwant my fucking computer back exactly how it was... I don't know what you did but somethings off...my usb drive is buzzing..."
| |
| >wtf
| |
| >I didn't do shit to your computer. I checked a program you open 20 times a day
| |
| >super pissed so I go back into the server room and play Thomas Was Alone
| |
| >hear knock on server room door
| |
| >it's the cubiclemate
| |
| >"Hey, Thanks for fixing it."
| |
| >"Fixing what?"
| |
| >"The my usb drive"
| |
| >I didn't do shit lol
| |
| >"Oh yeah... don't mention it"
| |
| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)18:31:29 No.538015293
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| >day 20
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| >spend entire day cleaning the server room up
| |
| >getting it all nice
| |
| >just unplugging network cables Willy nilly so I can colour coordinate them
| |
| >people are losing their shit
| |
| >they are randomly getting kicked off
| |
| >tell people there are some issues with our isp
| |
| >I make sure to say I-S-P as I have now learned by speaking in abbreviations no matter how common makes you sound techy
| |
| >by the end of the day the server rack is all classy looking
| |
| >unfortunately I never mapped anything and a handful of people cant connect because their ports aren't connected to anything
| |
| >tell them the I-S-P will have it done ASAP and go home}}
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| | |
| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)18:38:28 No.538016156 '''
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| | | |
| {{Greentext|>day 21 | | {{Greentext|>day 4 |
| >now that the server room is all clean I set up all the test boxes in the back | | >figure out how to turn off the servers |
| >8 machines in total all connected to the network | | >when people start asking for help |
| >try joining monitors all together like you see on cool threads, you know like the racing ones? | | >go into server room |
| >realize these are shit old monitors and you cant do that | | >turn off servers |
| >come up with the great idea of bitcoin mining with these boxes | | >come out oblivious and start downloading adobe reader |
| >set it up for the first half of the day
| | >eventually people start screaming |
| >after lunch I'm mining
| | >THE SITES DOWN! THE SITES DOWN! |
| >terribly but I am mining
| | >"I'm on it!" |
| >people start complaining about server lag | | >run back to the server room |
| >blame the lag on the olympics | | >play hotline Miami in the back for few hours |
| >suggest that the whole office must be streaming it | | >turn server back on near end of day |
| >ban the olympics on the web filter | | >come out of server room |
| >office is divided; can see the divide in my email | | >wipe brow from face |
| >people who are pissed about not being able to watch the olympics
| | >"I did it..." |
| >and the keeners who think its all work and no play at work
| | >people are singing my praises saying i saved the day |
| >I've officially gained power though, people respect me for making this mandate
| | >really just saved the girlfriend in HM }} |
| >"He's a real company guy"}} | |
| | |
| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)23:42:25 UTC+1 No.538016735 '''
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| {{Greentext|>day 22
| |
| >its birthday day | |
| >office celebrates all the months birthdays | |
| >take cake | |
| >set up n64 in the boardroom
| |
| >challenge people in the office to goldeneye
| |
| >keep saying "Hey I'm just taking a 5 minute break for some cake... want a quick game?"
| |
| >own the shit out of all of them | |
| >realize I did absolutely nothing all day but eat cake and game
| |
| >no one ever noticed}} | |
|
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|
| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)23:47:35 UTC+1 No.538017463 ''' | | '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:49:03 UTC+1 No.537992985''' Replies: »537993131 »537994992 |
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| {{Greentext|>day 23 | | {{Greentext|>day 5 |
| >cougar calls in from the road | | >run into cougar at coffee machine |
| >she's having trouble accessing a key app for a client on her ipad
| | >ask her how things are going, just a general statement |
| >she tells me its name
| | >instantly thinks im talking shop |
| >have no idea what it is
| | >starts telling me all the shit wrong with her computer |
| >but make sure to sound astute
| | >she doesn't see me as a human |
| >ask her if she's using WIFI or 3G | | >she sees me as an it |
| >"How do I check" | | >tell her to drop off her laptop |
| >"Nevermind let me check from my maincore system" | | >she does |
| >google the app but nothing comes up
| | >I upgrade her ie |
| >ask one of the other sales people | | >download adobe reader |
| >"oh it's just an infographic on our main site"
| |
| >tell the hot cougar to come into the office because it's going to require me to hardcode the changes in
| |
| >she drives 2 hours to come to the office so I can open up Safari and bookmark it to her ipad homepage}} | |
| | |
| '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)18:56:07 No.538018694'''
| |
| | |
| I'll continue this tomorrow, believe it or not there's an ending to this but I can't get to it today.
| |
| | |
| {{Greentext|>day 24
| |
| >people heard from the 45 year old events planner I do house calls | |
| >bunch of idiots are bringing in their home computers, mobile devices, anything technical for me to fix | |
| >tell people I can only do it after hours and I charge $20 for small stuff and $50 for large. | |
| >most of it is simple fixes
| |
| >windows updates or adobe reader installs fix it | |
| >but then I get it
| |
| >the laptop from hell
| |
| >this fat indian guy hands me his laptop in a plastic bag, not a laptop bag, a plastic one
| |
| >"What's wrong with it?"
| |
| >"You tell me genius"
| |
| >Load it up and it's asking for some system restore or something.
| |
| >just hit next and okay
| |
| >fixes it but it says I need to load chkdisk?
| |
| >figure that has something to do with the cd drive
| |
| >open it up
| |
| >there's a thick fucking layer of bread crumbs in the tray
| |
| >tilted the machine to its side
| |
| >motherfucking bread crumbs just pouring out of the laptop
| |
| >restart the machine | | >restart the machine |
| >it loads perfectly | | >everythings fucking working |
| >turns out the guy was using it as a tray for his morning bagel | | >run it back to her |
| >fucking toaster laptops}} | | >fix my hair |
| | >check my breath |
| | >act like I saved the day |
| | >she's in her office on the phone |
| | >she motions to put on her desk |
| | >I do...kind of linger |
| | >"Is that everything hun?" |
| | >leave |
| | >hear her say "oh it was just IT" |
| | >just IT |
| | >that is all I am now }} |
|
| |
|
| ==Thread 2==
| | '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:07:05 UTC+1 No.537995276''' Replies: »537995863 »537996374 »537996510 »538003364 |
| | |
| | {{Greentext|>day 6 |
| | >really bored |
| | >decide to download a gameboy emulator and play some pokemon |
| | >the webfilters blocking it so I turn it off the whole thing I dont just whitelist it, I turn it all off |
| | >get to emulator site but now I need to turn off the antivirus |
| | >use the admin which I now know to do it... |
| | >end up turning off the whole antivirus settings on the server |
| | >download my emulator and rom |
| | >play my game |
| | >guy comes into my office |
| | >"I think I caught I virus" |
| | >me "gotta catch em all" |
| | >by the time I'm facing Misty 4 people have viruses }} |
|
| |
|
| | '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:12:16 UTC+1 No.537995969''' Replies: »537996586 |
| | |
| | {{Greentext|>day 7 |
| | >same guy that was yelling at me day 2 is yelling at me |
| | >he cant remotely log in just as I am about to leave to go home |
| | >"Try turning it off then on again then call me back" |
| | >go home}} |
|
| |
|
| '''Anonymous (ID: I9PWPzZB) 03/20/14(Thu)17:27:40 UT''' | | '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:17:35 UTC+1 No.537996668''' Replies: »537997456 »538000370 »538009753 |
| | |
| | {{Greentext|>day 8 |
| | >guy call from day 7 calls back |
| | >he's pissed |
| | >tells me he lost a client because of my stupidity |
| | >"shit happens man. I lost to team rocket like 10 minute ago" |
| | >"what the fuck are you talking about?" |
| | >click }} |
|
| |
|
| Hi /b/ ifs the IT guy from yesterday
| | '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:24:52 UTC+1 No.537997654''' Replies: »537997961 »537998938 |
|
| |
|
| {{Greentext|>day 25 | | {{Greentext|>day 9 |
| >even though I'm shit at IT | | >one of the printers is out of toner |
| >one guy thinks because I am IT I am super techy | | >some fat guy tells me to change it |
| >he asks me what my favourite browser is
| | >"its a toner man... can't you change it? I'm working on this huge issue with the server" |
| >"Google...Ultron" | | >was really downloading steam |
| >"Is it like chrome?"
| | >"it'll take a second... god I have much more important stuff to do... that's why you're here" |
| >shit thats what I meant | | >sigh and go do it |
| >"yeah...but better...it’s what nasa uses" | | >can't figure out how to fucking open the fucking cartridge door |
| >"cool could you dl that for me?" | | >start hitting it like they do in zoolander |
| >gulp no worries' | | >tell the poor mentally challenged guy in the mail room I have a special job for him |
| >literally start the mouse back and forth so fast you can't see the cursor | | >he has to hide the magic egg in the chest of Hewlet Packard |
| >then ctrl alt deleted into task manager | | >go back to my server business |
| >"there....you go. All done. It looks like google chrome, but it's really ultron, no one else can tell." | | >half an hour later the fat guy comes into my office |
| >to this day he still thinks he runs google Ultron | | >"What the fuck did you do to the printer?" |
| | >"Changed the toner" |
| | >He just starts shaking his head and muttering shit |
| | >we walk over to it |
| | >the mailroom guy jammed the cartridge in the wrong way and actually lodged it in there so half of it is sticking out |
| | >the door cant even close |
| | >there's black hand prints all over the printer too |
| | >Can feel the guy judging me so I just spew bullshit |
| | >"Looks to be a probably with the network." |
| | >the printer was down for over a month before I figured out we have a printer guy on call }} |
|
| |
|
| | '''Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:36:30 UTC+1 No.537999228 Replies: »537999356 »537999386 »537999617 »537999839 |
| | | |
| >day 26 | | >day 10 |
| >some woman calls me over
| | >have to set up projector in the boardroom |
| >"it'll just take a sec, its super simple"
| | >cant find a thunderbolt to hdmi cable to hook it up to lazy to go to the store |
| >shit
| | >dont even have a corporate card either |
| >asks me to hook her up to a new printer
| | >tell the people needing the projector that there's a compatibility issue with macbooks |
| >she hops out of her chair and lets me sit down | | >they use some guys dellbook |
| >forget how to add network printers
| | >the files from the mac end up not running on the dellbook |
| >her and her friend are talking right over my shoulder staring at the screen
| | >call me in mid meeting |
| >Is this going to take long?"
| | >all these business people staring at me as I am randomly clicking folders as fast as possible to look like I am pro |
| >I fake deep thought as I stare at the screen with one hand on my temple
| |
| >"Anon? I have a deadline is this going to..."
| |
| >"What the fuck..."
| |
| >both of the women are startled
| |
| >'THERE'S A VIRUS ON THIS MACHINE"
| |
| >and I just storm off like I'm pissed
| |
|
| |
| >day 27
| |
| >learn about a remote access tool that the whole office uses
| |
| >decide to haunt the old nice old lady from before
| |
| >i randomly move the mouse for a few hours
| |
| >she struggles to do basic tasks
| |
| >she comes and asks me for a new mouse
| |
| >oblige her
| |
| >hook it up and leave
| |
| >look back at remote tool
| |
| >mouse is moving again, she opens up word
| |
| >I begin to type
| |
| >"Hi"
| |
| >no response
| |
| >"Hi"
| |
| >"Hello? Who is this?"
| |
| >"It's death :("
| |
|
| |
| >day 28
| |
| >a guy asks me to burn him a copy of a dvd for a presentation
| |
| >holy fuck I know how to do that
| |
| >burn it for him
| |
| >march back down to his office, proudly holding the dvd high in the air
| |
| >Woman tries to stop me "Hey can you..." | |
| >"Not now... I've got IT business to attend to"
| |
| >hand the guy his burned dvd
| |
| >this might be one of the first things I've done right here
| |
| >tear in my eye
| |
| >so proud of how far I have come
| |
| >I am true IT
| |
| >5 minutes later I get a call "Hey...yeah there's nothing on the dvd
| |
|
| |
| >day 29
| |
| >give new hire her new laptop
| |
| >nothing is fucking setup right
| |
| >forgot to hook up her outlook to exchange
| |
| >no worries she did it herself
| |
| >cool
| |
| >she asks me if I can type in the admin credentials so she can dl some social media tool
| |
| >"Sure"
| |
| >fuck up the login credentials like 3 times and get locked out
| |
| >have to unlock it from my machine
| |
| >can't figure it out but go back because I left my gameboy in her office
| |
| >she starts making small talk
| |
| >"So where'd you go to school to become an IT person?"
| |
| >she's fucking on to me
| |
| >try logging in once more to admin account
| |
| >locked out still
| |
| >"Yeah... you know what? I think this Hootsuite extension is a virus. I don't want that shit on my network"
| |
|
| |
| >day 30
| |
| >here's where shit starts to really hit the fan
| |
| >as you know i had setup a bitcoin mining rig in the server room
| |
| >it was just eating up all the bandwidth
| |
| >the whole network was barely operational
| |
| >and now because of my ineptitude and blaming things on viruses people started a rumour
| |
| >that the whole network was being attacked by a rogue hacker group
| |
| >after lunch I get pulled into a meeting by with all the execs
| |
| >the jig is up
| |
| >"As you know we've been experiencing a multitude of issues with our network
| |
| >fucked
| |
| >"from the lag to the viruses"
| |
| >so tucked
| |
| >'We want you to head up the investigation and find out who's doing this and why"
| |
| >ROFL
| |
| >I am the fucking dirty cop on the force who's tasked with finding the dirty cop
| |
| >I am the fucking law
| |
|
| |
| >day 31
| |
| >tell people fm running server calibrations
| |
| >"ifs like dusting for finger prints"
| |
| >no ones the wiser
| |
| >show this one middle aged guy with a beard how to use a webapp
| |
| >go to favourite it for him and put it on the toolbar
| |
| >notice all of his favourites
| |
| >Big titty housewife
| |
| >Pajama Butt Slut
| |
| >Mexican girl on bus
| |
| >mouse over them as I mouth read them
| |
| >he starts freaking out
| |
| >begs me not to tell
| |
| >"Why shouldn't l?"
| |
| >"I’ll buy you lunch"
| |
| >got 10 chicken nuggets
| |
|
| |
| >day 32
| |
| >for some reason the entire office is having to fill in a captcha every time they google anything
| |
| >have no idea why this happening | |
| >Google ultron guy asks me if this has to do with the virus and if he should be backing up his data
| |
| >"First. Always back up your data."
| |
| >he nods to my tech savvy
| |
| >"Second. It's a security measure I've put in place. There are robots afoot."
| |
| >he nods again like my word is law | |
|
| |
| >day 33
| |
| >Ultron guy blabs and tells everyone about google ultron
| |
| >now everyone in the fucking office has a sharepoint ticket asking for it to be installed
| |
| >a few of the more competent people are asking me what the fuck google ultron is
| |
| >I just give them finger guns until they walk away
| |
| >have to spend entire day going from desktop to desktop pretending to dl google ultron
| |
| >literally spend 3-4 hours pretending to dl software that nasa uses
| |
| >one girl asks me if this even legal
| |
| >"Are you a cop?
| |
| >she reports me to HR for "criminal like behaviour"
| |
| >have already explained to HR what google ultron is...
| |
| >HR thinks its real
| |
| >HR thinks nasa uses it
| |
| >HR tells the narc to stop interfering with important technological matters because the narc doesn't know anything about IT like me
| |
| >doesn't know anything about IT like me
| |
|
| |
| >day 34
| |
| >been playing portal 2 all day in my office
| |
| >haven't heard so much as a complaint
| |
| >haven't had to update adobe reader or adobe flash all fucking day
| |
| >something's not right
| |
| >no one's said shit about it
| |
| >poke my head out of the office
| |
| >everyone's heads down just typing away
| |
| >starting to get worried
| |
| >ask a guy how his computer is working
| |
| >"Great. Ever since you downloaded Google Ultron, my whole computer has just been flying"
| |
| >wtf
| |
| >do a quick google search on google chrome
| |
| >supposedly it automatically downloads the most up to date versions of adobe
| |
| >omfg
| |
| >if I don't have fucking adobe reader I'm fucking out of a job
| |
| >send out mass email
| |
| >ATTN: do not open google ultron it has been hacked
| |
| >spend rest of day uninstalling and making IE the default browser
| |
|
| |
| >day 35
| |
| >people are becoming restless with the hacker/virus stuff
| |
| >they wonder why I haven't solved the case yet | |
| >some even believe its not a hacktivist group like I've been hinting
| |
| >"We're not just dealing with amateurs here. Were dealing with the best. And that's why I need to update your antivirus scanner" | |
| >just to strike the fear into people I covertly turn on the computer of a person who's sick and stationed right in the middle of one of the larger areas
| |
| >turn off her monitor
| |
| >put speakers full
| |
| >then go back to office and remote in
| |
| >play Wham's Jitterbug at 3 second intervals throughout the day
| |
| >eventually people start coming to my office to report this
| |
| >I nod
| |
| >Its worse than I thought"
| |
| >"What? What is it?"
| |
| >Its the Jitterbug gang. One of the world's best hacking groups"
| |
| >"I've never heard of them."
| |
| >That's why they're the best."
| |
|
| |
| >day 36
| |
| >check messages
| |
| >local police called
| |
| >FUUUUCK
| |
| >need to speak with me since I am IT about recent hacks on our organization
| |
| >delete message
| |
| >cougar comes into my office
| |
| >asks if I can adjust her desktop so the wallpaper changes every couple of minutes
| |
| >"Sure."
| |
| >head over there with her
| |
| >she tells me she's getting a divorce
| |
| >"Oh."
| |
| >Says she's actually starting to date again and its pretty awkward
| |
| >fuck it
| |
| >“Wanna maybe grab a beer sometime after work?"
| |
| >she laughs
| |
| >"What? I mean why not?"
| |
| >"You're joking right? You're IT..."
| |
| >my eyes well up as I stare at adobe prompts me that reader has a new update
| |
| >"Just gonna download this."
| |
|
| |
| >day 37
| |
| >feeling like shit today
| |
| >cougar told her sales friends that I tried asking her out
| |
| >people are laughing behind my back
| |
| >can hear the whispers
| |
| >"ewwww hahah IT?!!! ewwwww"
| |
| >want to just open up a computer and jump through the moving cpu fan
| |
| >mean sales guy who usually calls (yeah that one) stops by office
| |
| >"My laptops not working"
| |
| >I trudge over to his desk with him
| |
| >hit the power button for a reset
| |
| >don't say anything and just walk away
| |
| >"If that's all you ever do.. Why do we need you?"
| |
| >turn around
| |
| >"what?"
| |
| >"if you only ever just restart my computer... why are we paying you? I can restart my own damn computer"
| |
| >grin
| |
| >"Have you ever repaired a server here? Do you know how hard it is to get it operational? Remember how we were down for a day and a half?"
| |
| >he shakes his head
| |
| >'That's what I thought."
| |
| >of course I just restarted it lol
| |
|
| |
| >day 38
| |
| >still feel like shit after the cougar shut me down
| |
| >decide to block 1 major site on the webfilter every hour
| |
| >feel like the Joker doing it | |
| >first youtube
| |
| >then ebay
| |
| >then reddit
| |
| >hear the moans from people as they read my webfilter note
| |
| >This is a place of work not a fun house"
| |
| >One woman storms into office
| |
| >'This is not funny...this is serious"
| |
| >'Why so serious?" I ask her
| |
| >"I need you to unblock ebay"
| |
| >lol seriously
| |
| >"I HAVE AN AUCTION ENDING IN 5 MINUTES!"
| |
| >put it back on the safe list
| |
| >but it was too late
| |
| >she missed out on her cellphone case
| |
| >mwhahahahaha
| |
|
| |
| >day 39
| |
| >an "investigator" comes to the office
| |
| >the execs were worried that we had too much to lose and wanted to bring in a professional
| |
| >I'm fucked
| |
| >show him around the office
| |
| >he keeps asking to see the server room
| |
| >And this is Carol. She's a riot. Aren't you Carol"
| |
| >doing everything I can to stall
| |
| >we go back into the server room
| |
| >he compliments me on how neat the cables are
| |
| >think about picking up a monitor and bashing his skull in and then running away to mexico
| |
| >can't do it | |
| >I'm not a monster
| |
| >I'm IT
| |
| >the guy goes onto the server
| |
| >asks me for the login info
| |
| >figure the jig is up
| |
| >give it to him
| |
| >he logs in
| |
| >opens up IE
| |
| >looks over his shoulder at me
| |
| >"You don't need to be here"
| |
| >"It's fine"
| |
| >I need to be there when it happens
| |
| >he literally starts shaking his mouse really quickly around IE clicking on random parts of the screen
| |
| >I know because a popup for Home depot came up
| |
| >he starts muttering to himself... "hmmm... hmmm"
| |
| >watch him type in adobe reader in google
| |
| >he dl’s it
| |
| >swings his cursor around some more
| |
| >and then finally goes
| |
| >"fucking hackers right?"
| |
| >we are brothers he and I
| |
| >IT brothers
| |
|
| |
| >day 40
| |
| >wake up and realize how lucky I truly am not to be fired or worse
| |
| >see cougar girl walking into the office from parking lot
| |
| >asks me how things are going
| |
| >I think we finally put an end to the jitterbug gang
| |
| >"no, I meant... not work stuff'
| |
| >look at her strangely then smile.
| |
| >"Oh you know how it is
| |
| >she flicks her hair and then laughs
| |
| >what the fuck?
| |
| >"Cool. I'm having problems opening a file can you open it for me hun?"
| |
| >sigh
| |
| >"Yeah sure..."
| |
| >we walk into her office she's being all flirty
| |
| >click on the sharepoint link of a pdf file
| |
| >won't open
| |
| >download adobe reader | | >download adobe reader |
| >while its loading I ask her what she's planning on doing on the weekend | | >double click files |
| >"I'm going to the mountains with this guy for our first getaway" | | >works |
| >stop adobe reader at 80%
| | >"Thanks Anon, you saved me" |
| >walk right out
| |
| >I am IT
| |
|
| |
| >day 41
| |
| >this hot yoga girl from events comes into my office
| |
| >her keyboard keeps typing in french
| |
| >too busy playing flappy bird to care
| |
| >"so are you going to help me?" | |
| >“if things slow down. Eve been swamped today"
| |
| >"I'm going to fucking kill you”
| |
| >she waggles her glorious yoga butt away
| |
| >cute girl. and don't even care anymore just want day to fucking end
| |
| >I hate this fucking job
| |
| >all I do is get yelled at abd download adobe reader
| |
| >I can't even find the joy in games any more
| |
| >Dad walks by
| |
| >sees I'm looking blue
| |
| >Dad takes me out for lunch
| |
| >pats me on the shoulder
| |
| >"I'm so proud of you son."
| |
| >to date the company is in fucking shambles
| |
| >and I still am primarily an adobe reader downloader
| |
| >but I wouldn't change any of it for his very next words
| |
| >"I love you son." }}
| |
| | |
| Thanks guys and thanks Dad for the job. :)
| |
| | |
| Don't forget to download your adobe readers guys.
| |