Gentoo Analogys

Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 06:49:58 No.50754127 ViewReplyOriginalReport
Quoted By: >>50754158 >>50754272 >>50754611 >>50762253 >>50763841 >>50765416 >>50768974 >>50770040 >>50770598 >>50773381
ITT software analogies

>go to gentoo restaurant to eat
>its empty, no one except me
>plenty of people at work told me its a horrible place to eat but some people said its the best in the town
>sit at a table for like 15 minutes, no one comes to take my order
>call a waiter, he comes
>order a cheese sandwich
>the waiter takes my order and goes into the kitchen
>within moments he reappears with a tray in his hand
>amazed with the service time, i prepare to eat
>the waiter unloads the contents of the tray on my table
>a bag of wheat, a packet of yeast, a jug of milk, a lettuce plant in a pot lay before me
>i compile everything into a sandwich
>enjoy the meal
>leave without paying

Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 07:00:14 No.50754238 Report
Quoted By: >>50756441
That's the arch restaurant. This is the gentoo restaurant

{{Greentext|>walk in >nobody there except you >not even any staff >have to establish trade links >order in ingredients >compile ingredients >final form is burnt >start from fresh >finally compile ingredients again >still not great, but its edible|| Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 07:04:49 No.50754272 Report
Quoted By: >>50760933 >>50764781

>>50754127
>be sheep
>enjoying with the herd, chewing on green grass at Apple™ Ranch
>herd has 10 members
>1 member goes to other ranch to eat because other ranch has more grass and less hunters
>we all laugh at him
>3 members goes to other ranch to eat
>we laugh at them, our ranch is obviously better because other members say so
>5 members go to other ranch
>we cant laugh at them because both ranches have same number of people, we ignore them
>1 more member goes to their ranch
>they have 6 sheep, more grass, less hunters
>we have 4 sheep, a 4x4 patch of grass and a barn full of hyenas
>claim the other ranch sheeps are poor

Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 07:15:51 No.50754395 Report
Quoted By: >>50754445 >>50754482 >>50754627 >>50759353 >>50762484 >>50763084 >>50764353

>Go to Windows restaurant for lunch. It's been on this corner for nearly 30 years.
>It's packed! Just as it has been for decades. It's almost like the majority of the world eats lunch here.
>Check the menu
>An impressive selection of entrees.
>Waiter shows up, order a cheeseburger medium rare. Fries for the side
>"Sorry sir, you can't only chose how it's cooked. It just comes the way it is.
>ok.jpg
>The burger isn't bad, but this place used to make them tastier
>I notice a new set of security cameras in the restaurant, and they seem to be staring at me as I eat. This makes me more than a little uncomfortable.
>Ask waiter for check
>Jesus, this place is kinda pricey. $120, and I didn't even order the deluxe burger.
>Leave full and ready to be productive at work - but at the same time wishing the experience had been a more pleasant one.

Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 07:22:30 No.50754482 Report

>>50754395
>order sandwich
>get given a 2 year old plastic-wrapped sandwich
>wrapping has a EULA sticker on it absolving microsoft of any negative consequences from ingesting the sandwich, as well as preventing me from doing anything with it besides eating it, including sharing it with a friend or giving it away
>sandwich contains viruses
>die

thanks microsoft Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 07:26:50 No.50754528 Report
Quoted By: >>50754545 >>50754547

>go to a restaurant to eat
>order a simple burger
>ask the the waiter for the recipe
>he says it's a company secret
>I leave the damn restaurant

Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 07:33:54 No.50754611 Report

>>50754127
>go to a restaurant
>paying 700$ for the kid menu (with a toy inside for free)
>talking with my friends over the tables that i never met before
>Wearing clear glasses because it's cool
>feeling important
>paying an extra for using the bathroom
>don't wanna go home tonight because i can't pay for the heating

Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 07:35:07 No.50754627 Report
Quoted By: >>50756042 >>50761589 >>50771858

>>50754395

This is probably the best analogy I've heard.

>go to Android World Cuisine restaurant
>heard plenty of mixed reviews
>fukkin packed place, people of every race, social class and denomination
>check out menu, plenty of choice
>decide to skip out on the sketchy looking cheap choices, and ignore the 'premium section' due to high prices
>after some searching, find some nice well balanced pizza with all the right ingredients and decent price
>place my order and it arrives almost immediately
>notice it came with basil leaves, which I don't like
>pick up fork and knife unlike some other customers who just eat with their bare hands
>peasants.png
>remove basil leaves, cut slices perfectly sized to my liking
>really tasty pizza, pretty glad I found it
>notice a customer returned his food because presentation was shit
>mfw waste of good food, he could have just moved those mushrooms
>people threatening to call manager or go to Apple's Walled Garden Premium Pico Pizza Palace because their food doesn't look identical to Apple's
>pay my bill and leave tip for helpful staff who brought me pepper when I wanted a little extra
>go back to work feeling satisfied I wasn't ripped off for a good lunch
>lingering feeling they took my address and phone number when I paid by card

Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 07:36:17 No.50754640 Report
Quoted By: >>50755300

>Hire some burly men to keep my house safe.
>They routinely search my house for any intruders.
>Seems ok for a while
>More and more burly men show up.
>They become sluggish, lethargically eating all my food and drinking my beer all day long.
>The house is now filled with burly men.
>The house is in shambles. Everything's a mess, they've left their junk all of the place.
>After a year they start demanding more money
>I tell I've had enough, and to get out
>They refuse
>Even months after I forcibly evict them, I keep finding their shit in the closets, attic, etc.
>Decide the best solution is to simply tear down the house and build a new one.

Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 07:44:58 No.50754710 Report
Quoted By: >>50772026

>work at car company NVIDIA
>we make pretty good cars, but overprice them a lot
>only competitor is AMD
>AMD works harder and makes good cars, even if slightly weaker but still very good at a very reasonable price
>secretly tell the gas companies to fill water in AMD car tanks and sawdust in engines
>they do so and our cars stand at the top
>a year pass
>we're still at the top
>vehicle usage stats are released by a third party
>we get ready to receive the prize
>most used brand is golf caddy making brand intel

Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 08:43:03 No.50755300 Report

>>50754640

>Hire Kaspersky Protection Services from a representative recommendation
>Burly men show up and search the house
>They report it's fine
>Start inviting known friends over
>Burly men don't like the friends and constantly inform me they don't trust them
>Keep telling them it's cool; we've been friends for a while
>Burly men start raiding my fridge and drinking my beer
>Invite over more burly men to eat and drink
>Constantly complaining about my friends and any new friends I make
>The contract expires and tell them thank you for the service but I won't be using them anymore
>Most of them leave
>A few still hang around, some of the smaller fellas, I think they live in the walls
>Try and clean the house but they keep making noise in the walls
>Clean as best as I can, still here them complaining from the walls about my friends
>Going to tear down the house

Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 10:42:24 No.50756650 Report
Quoted By: >>50756881 >>50764648

>>50756327

More like:

>Go to OSX restaurant
>It's really busy, plenty of trendy customer's inside all eating and laughing
>Patiently await my top quality, expensive meal to be cooked to the perfect standard
>Waiter brings over the most perfectly presented dish
>Pick up cutlery and prepare to indulge in what will be the finest food I've eaten in weeks
>"Oh no sir, you can't eat that, it's made of plastic"
>"We don't actually serve edible food here, we just provide the perfect dining experience"

Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 11:03:24 No.50756920 Report
Quoted By: >>50764323 >>50765387

>go to /g/ restaurant to try it out because it's down the block of where I usually eat
>when I get there there are a lot of people talking amongst themselves
>call for the waiter and ask what he thinks of the cheesburger that is described in the menu items
>he gives me a 100piece puzzle and won't reply unless I finish it each time I want him to answer or reply to me
>another customer next to me who overheard my question and is having the burger compliments my glasses instead
>someone from across the aisle screams at me to order some REAL food
>another one bickers about the restaurant not giving out the burger recipe
>after a few minutes of hearing other customers talk about how bad the burger is, give up to peer pressure and order a salad
>wait a few hours
>waiter brings me pasta
>tell him that I didn't order pasta
>get kicked out of restaurant

>come back a few days later
>"under new administration"
>customers waiting outside spreading pamphlets about the new boss being corrupt and shit
>don't give a fuck and enter again because even though I didn't get to eat, I had a good time anyways

Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 11:41:01 No.50757476 Report
Quoted By: >>50764536

>go to windows phone restaurant to eat
>its pretty much empty, no one except me and some social outcasts
>plenty of people at work told me to stay away from it because their menu is shit but some people said its the restaurant of tomorrow and nokia is making a comeback with this
>sit at a table for a couple of milliseconds, waiter rushes over to assure me they care about their customers
>order literally anything
>he tells me they don't serve that here
>i leave and find a better restaurant

Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 13:35:38 No.50759353 Report

>>50754395

More like

>Go to Windows restaurant for lunch. It's been on this corner for nearly 30 years and has always usually been good.
>It's packed but I strangely notice much less people than before.
>Check the menu which has recently been replaced by the kids menu.
>Ask for the old menu which still has an impressive selection of entrees. After some hassle they give it to me.
>Waiter shows up, order a cheeseburger medium rare. Fries for the side
>"Sorry sir, you can't only chose how it's cooked. It just comes the way it is.
>ok.jpg
>The burger isn't that bad, but this place used to make them tastier.
>I notice a new set of security cameras in the restaurant, and they seem to be staring at me as I eat. This makes me more than a little uncomfortable.
>Halfway through the meal, the staff say we must all temporarily evacuate the restaurant becuase they need to update it.
>Everyone is pissed off.
>Come back and ask waiter for check
>After giving them my card to swipe, the waiter asks me for my email address, facebook profile, wifi password, social security number, and takes a scan of my driver license
>Jesus, this place is getting really shitty now. $120, and I didn't even order the deluxe burger.
>Leave full and ready to be productive at work - but at the same time being sadly dissapointed and wishing the experience had been a more pleasant one.

Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 15:10:37 No.50760844 Report
Quoted By: >>50769620

>Go to a Samsung restaurant
>Seems like a decent place
>Be seated and given a menu with plenty of choice, ranging from the expensive to the cheap
>Order an expensive three course meal with a filet mignon as the main dish
>The meat is good, but everything else seems to be made out of really cheap ingredients and badly prepared
>Restaurant has also but their own completely unnecessary twang on the dishes that all make them worse
>As I'm eating it begins to taste worse and worse until it starts to taste downright awful
>Ask the people in the next table if they're experiencing the same thing
>They get upset and tell me that I'm imagining things and that the food is just fine, while having several dishes only half eaten on their table
>Ask the waiter who together with the people from the other table tell me that I'm going to have to order another portion if I want to stop making it taste bad
>Someone from another table suggest bringing my own side dishes and spices next time
>Spend the next night with my face over the toilet as I'm suffering from food poisoning after going to the Samsung restaurant

Never again... Never again...

Samsung may make decent components for other companies, but they really suck at making whole devices and their long term post sale support seriously sucks. Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 15:31:09 No.50761127 Report
Quoted By: >>50769649

>See iPhone restaurant and have a look at the menu on the door
>Horrifically expensive so I keep walking
>See Android restaurant and after having a look at the menu on the door decide that this is the place for me
>As I walk in I notice the walls, the glasses, the plats and the cutlery are plastered with ads
>Think nothing of it before being seated and shown a menu with plenty of choice, from the cheap to the expensive
>Order something in the upper middle range
>Food shows up but it turns out that I have to sign up for the membership chard before I get to start eating
>Well enough I think until I notice the CCTV camera and microphone hanging from the ceiling right above my table
>Ask the waiter why it's there
>Told it's there to collect data on everything I do at the restaurant so that they can plaster more accurate ads on everything and sell the data collected by them to anyone they please
>Ask them if there's any way I can have them removed or be moved to another table where I can have some privacy
>Told that they can do that for me, but they'll then have to remove the fries, the salad and the drink I just ordered and I'll instead have to bring my own
>Fair enough
>Start eating as I notice a man in a suit and sunglasses eyeing me from across the room
>Ask the waiter who he is and if he can stop eyeing me
>Waiter tells me the man is from the NSA and that that if you tell him to go away he'll arrest you and have the restaurant closed
>Also tells me that he can ask them for the data from the microphone and CCTV camera if he wants to and they have to give it to him
>Eat my food, which tastes decent but not great, while being annoyed by the ads on everything, the microphone and CCTV camera in the ceiling recording everything I say and do and the man with sunglasses indoors constantly eyeing me
>Wow never again to go someplace with as little regard for customer privacy as this place

Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 15:34:38 No.50761177 Report

>Go to OS X restaurant
>it's relatively full
>order
>takes forever because of HFS+ waiters
>food finally arrives
>it's actually good

Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 15:40:53 No.50761271 Report
Quoted By: >>50761339 >>50761922 >>50762233 >>50764442 >>50771009

>friend tells me about this new 4chan restaurant
>be curious, check it out
>it's this dark leaking restaurant, 20 blocks from the city centre but still crammed with people
>not sure what to order, I order a random burger, the one that most of these people seem to eat
>it's absolutely disgusting
>look around see other people having the same horrible experience
>some guy yells at me that his burger is delicious and way better than mine
>see it's the same burger
>yell back that mine is better and that he should go fuck himself
>return to my burger
>enjoy the rest of the horrifying burger
>never leave the restaurant

Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 16:30:31 No.50761976 Report
Quoted By: >>50762170

>go to oracle restaraunt
>terrible service
>food arrives and is awful
>go home, post a bad review on yelp
>oracle restaurant sues me for defamation
>eventually settle out of court for an undisclosed sum
>next week I go to my favourite sandwich shop and find that it's now an oracle franchise

Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 17:11:30 No.50762651 Report
Quoted By: >>50769669 >>50772076

>go to Limewire restaurant
>look on the menu for burger
>order the top burger (Burger [fast delivery])
>instead of the burger, the waiter brings in the manager
>manager starts yelling "I DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH THAT WOMEN"
>did not get my burger
>got a food-poisoning
>it was free, so worth it

Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 17:54:48 No.50763290 Report
Quoted By: >>50769688

>Go to Sumatra restaurant
>The building looks ugly, but some friends say the food is great
>Looks kind of sketchy
>Walk in, sit down
>Look at the menu, decide to order a burger
>Really fast service
>Start eating the burger
>It's literally the best burger I've ever had
>Infinitely better than McAdobe's

Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 18:28:30 No.50763824 Report

>go to Apple restaurant
>look at menu, everything is $1,000 +
>cheapest item is the burger mini, so I decide i'll get it
>arrives and i get ready to eat, but i notice it's just a patty between two pieces of bread
>sir, would you like to purchase apple (tm) toppings for $199.99?
>guess i will, since no burger is complete without toppings
>waiter says "sir, you need the apple (tm) fork to eat this burger, you can't just use ANY fork with it!
>try to leave but i'm legally bound by the EULA to rot in there for eternity.

Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 19:19:19 No.50764585 Report

>Be in a Windows restaurant
>having a good time
>Suddenly, my food starts enveloping everything it can reach, slowly spreading as if it were a liquid. Nothing I do slows its progress.
>Call the manager over, his name is "Task" apparently. Strange name.
>He is visibly uncomfortable
>"H-hey can you stop? Please? Can you please stop? Stop? Please?", in a very meek, unthreatening voice
>It continues to grow when suddenly everything in the restaurant freezes
>The restaurant vanishes, and I'm left confused on a vacant lot of dirt

>Spot another restaurant up the road named "Linux"
>Still hungry, didn't get to finish my meal
>Fuck it let's try it out

>Eating my Linux meal
>It's not my night, my food starts fucking up my table again
>Call over the Linux manager. His name badge says "P. Kill"
>Pulls out gun
>Shoots food
>Gives me my food free of charge for the incident
>Continue to patronize Linux for many years afterwards

Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 19:25:21 No.50764663 Report
Quoted By: >>50774279

>go to Windows Restaurant
>the kitchen is full of clowns
>waiter is in a bear suit and comes riding up on a unicycle
>order a burger
>all the employees start to dance and sing the "Happy Bappy Burger Dance"
>they actually get me a burger
>it's pretty good even though the backend work doesn't make any goddamn sense

>go to Mac Restaurant
>pretty nice clean place
>order a burger
>waiter scoffs at me and tells me to sit up straight
>tells me to go get an approved suit and jacket from the lounge
>spazzes out when I put my fork and knife in the wrong order
>they actually get me a burger
>it's pretty good even though I'm forced to eat it one certain way and have no freedom

>go to Linux Restaurant
>it's a homeless shelter
>no waiters
>just a big pile of different buns, meats, cheeses and toppings
>most of them are gross and swarming with flies
>spend all day picking through moldy buns looking for a good one
>other homeless people give me tips on how to get good ingredients from the piles
>finally make a burger and eat it
>it's pretty good even though nobody was there to help me except for other homeless people

Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 19:29:22 No.50764721 Report

>go to Mac restaurant
>the menu offers names and prices, but not recipes
>you order
>waiter brings food out
>you pay
>the meal tasted good, service was good
>tell people you had a good experience at the Mac Restaurant
>people on 4chan fly into autistic rage, call you a shill.

Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 19:29:31 No.50764725 Report
Quoted By: >>50765544

>go to Python's Buffet
>queue is 20 minutes long, barely moving
>only one person take food at once, the rest must wait until he's finished
>finally my turn
>chose some french fries to go with my steak
>all of a sudden everyone starts screaming at me
>YOU'RE NOT RESPECTING THE ETIQUETTE OF PYTHON'S BUFFET
>YOU'RE GOING TO DIE
>BURN IN HELL HERETIC
>replace fries with pasta to shut them up
>the food ends up being pretty good and very easy to digest
>talk to the guy at my table about how the food here helped with my constipation
>some girl two tables away hears it and calls the security on us for talking about something disgusting
>get kicked out

Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 19:55:09 No.50765123 Report
Quoted By: >>50770259

>go to C++ Kitchen
>place is packed, food is delicious
>everyone there is constantly complaining what a shitpile it is
>ask if there are better restaurants in town
>everyone agrees the rest are worse

Anonymous Sun 11 Oct 2015 19:58:20 No.50765155 Report
Quoted By: >>50766667 >>50772112

>>50763998

>go party at 4chan's /g/ house
>see everyone having a good time talking to one another
>find a small group of people and we really hit it off, talking about computers while watching anime on the giant projector screen that is as huge as the house
>someone in the group laughs at a joke in the anime and cleverly makes it related to the conversation
>random Chad suddenly flips the fuck out
>his eyes are out of their sockets and his mouth is foaming
>he starts screaming at everybody as soon as they try to peek at the anime projection
>Chad invites more of his friends to the party
>They start bullying people for trying to keep watching the anime
>They kick the DJ out and replace the anisongs with shitty callofdutycore
>No one's having a good time anymore, Chad started arguing very loudly with his friend about his choice of clothing brands

Anonymous Mon 12 Oct 2015 02:38:32 No.50770040 Report
Quoted By: >>50770076

>>50754127

> windows car dealership
> massive lot, plenty of choices
> get swarmed by sleazy salesmen at the door
> they pull me inside
> everything is Fisher Price blue
> "I...I want a test drive."
> Wont hand me the keys without my personal info, email address.
> the car looks decent enough, a bit boxy, starts fine
> for some reason I can't turn down certain streets
> car pretends they don't even exist, the wheel wont turn
> only streets with a little penguin or apple on them
> WTF?
> on the freeway I can't get it to go above 50 mph
> radio wont turn on either
> "These options not available with the Windows Home Basic version."
> Notice some Windows cars broken down on side of road
> Pass one driving along in flames, driver doesn't even notice
> Everyone acts like its normal, "That's how cars are, anon."
> My car starts slowing down, engine makes funny sounds
> Pull over to get gas, really bad neighborhood
> Try to start car..."Installing update 1 of 54,371"
> "Oh shit."

Anonymous Mon 12 Oct 2015 03:03:04 No.50770259 Report

>>50765123

>C# Kitchen
>Food and service are great
>Can't cut your own food though, it's not safe, call someone to cut your own food
>Food is very light, but you can't consume it until you've had some appetizers and bread

>C Kitchen
>Food very Similar to C++ Kitchen
>Theres a lot more prepwork and time for the same food
>but the food ends up slightly healthier in the end, but nobody really cares

>Assembly Kitchen
>A kitchen full of kitchens
>You and your friend go
>you make a sandwich in Kitchen X86
>your friend makes a sandwich in Kitchen PPC
>It took a lot of time, but that sandwich is light and filling
>You try to exchange recipes
>yfw his is all fucking scribbles
>yfw the numbers are backwards

>Rust Kitchen
>A new resturaunt on the block
>Looks interesting, Familiar yet different and new
>Enter Establishment
>Wait to be seated
>as you are seated you say to your male waiter
>Thanks Man!
>you are given a stern talking to about your choice of words
>the selection of sides or toppings isn't that grand and the waiters tone leaves a bad taste in your mouth
>Food still comes out good
>but you won't be recommending this to the guys... i uh... mean... compatriots.... anytime soon

Anonymous Mon 12 Oct 2015 03:12:00 No.50770358 Report
Quoted By: >>50770630

>Walk up to the HTC restaurant
>Looks like a nice, modern and clean place
>The music playing is pretty good
>Restaurant is almost empty though
>I go and order the most expensive dish the restaurant serves
>The meal success arrives
>The main course is severely overcooked
>A quarter of the plate space is gone to make up for the logo on it
>The sides were not terrible though
>Leave the restaurant relatively unsatisfied
>Go to restaurant review site and look up HTC
>Some people say that it used to be better, world-class even
>Some of them rumour that the place might be closing down soon

Anonymous Mon 12 Oct 2015 03:14:45 No.50770389 Report

>windows 10 joint
>its the new thing in town and, apparently, free for the first year or so they say
>advertisements forcibly downloaded to my work desk for months so I figured why not give a try
>its packed, took me hours in line to get in
>place full of ads
>had to bring my own table, they only offer the food and service
>the waitress came and asked what I want
>the menu is huge but full of crap, some of it you have to pay extra
>WTF i thought this was free
>ordered the usual stuff
>waitress doesnt leave, she keeps an open mic in front of me at all times in chase I need anything else
>order came somewhat quick, although I had to sign a contract just before they handed it to me
>nothing out of ordinary
>meat was stale, friend next to me got infected though
>before i left they told me I could take the table I brought with me, but I had to leave a copy free of charge in chase I lost mine
>no place for argument

Anonymous Mon 12 Oct 2015 03:41:05 No.50770598 Report
Quoted By: >>50771196

>>50754127

>linux car dealership
>giant barn, hippies and neckbeards milling about
>assembling their cars in a field
>free parts everywhere, festival atmosphere
>burningman.jpg
>no women?
>every type of wheeled conveyance you can imagine
>a fat autist claps his hands three times,
>his parts spontaneously assemble into a battle tank.
>He zooms off. "Holy shit, I want a Linux Car!"

>I begin to build my own. For three weeks I struggle.
>Some parts I have to make myself from iron ingots.
>I recite arcane incantations, but my parts remain lifeless.
>I can't even get the chasis built. It's hopeless.
>"Anon, what the fuck are you doing? That's Linux From Scratch!"
>They point to a giant dirt car lot, the hippies just abandoning their Linux cars,
>keys left in the ignition. "Just take one, they're all free."

>I can scarcely believe it, but when I go to choose a car,
>my heart sinks. Tiny gas powered skateboards called raspberry pi's.
>Mad Max death machines bristling with guns, called Kali Linux.
>More battle tanks, a car with clown shoes where the wheels should be,
>another with duck feet. One is just an engine connected to some tires,
>no driver's seat. I just want to drive to work and pickup the kids from school.

>Finally I settle on a Linux Car.
>The dash is a blur of dials, knobs and buttons. Hundreds of them.
>I have no idea what they do. No discernible steering wheel.
>The windshield is a tiny slit for me to peak through.
>It can go 0 to 60 in 0.75 seconds, top speed 500 mph.
>No paint, just brushed steel armor everywhere. The seat is a splintery
>2 by 4. The hippies and autists tell me this car is known as Slackware,
>and that it is a worthy choice.

>What will I tell my wife?

Anonymous Mon 12 Oct 2015 05:25:11 No.50771327 Report

>Go to the OnePlus restaurant
>Can't enter because I need to be invited
>Request an invitation
>Receive one 6 months later
>Go there again
>The restaurant is a pretty small but clean place
>I order a meal
>It shows up
>Turns out the food is just as good as those Samsung, Google and Apple restaurants, but I paid half the price
>Ask for a drink
>They give me the wrong one
>Ask the waiter to give me the correct drink
>He tells me to go fuck myself
>I have to settle for the drink I didn't want
>Leave the restaurant with mixed feelings

Anonymous Mon 12 Oct 2015 05:47:12 No.50771529 Report

>Go to Windows restaurant
>Everything seems nice and normal
>Relatively modern and tasteful decor
>Feels like it's a bit less busy these days, a lot of people left when the owners installed a drive-thru window a few years back
>drive-thru window dilapidated and rarely used, >rumor has it that only the restaurant's employees ever use it
>sit down, waiter comes to take my order
>I order a 10oz steak, waiter says it'll take three hours to prepare
>wait 90 minutes
>waiter rushes out of the kitchen
>shouts "something happened"
>all other diners turn to me in unison
>chant "SOMETHING HAPPENED"
>leave restaurant, never come back
>find out that it closed three years later
>no more restaurants in town, only drive-thrus

Anonymous Mon 12 Oct 2015 07:31:03 No.50772418 Report

>go to android restaurant
>food looks great, as good as if not better than the apple restaurant across the street
>order food
>it's old and half-eaten
>other people have fresh food
>complain to waiter
>he scoffs at you and walks off
>notice other people have the same food, but fresher
>ask them how
>they asked for the ingredients from the kitchen and made it themselves
>but had to reverse-engineer the secret sauce first
>get these guys to cook for you instead
>it's free and delicious
>they even let you choose what to cook with

Anonymous Mon 12 Oct 2015 10:07:27 No.50774069 Report
Quoted By: >>50774194

>Heard about this Xubuntu's Coney Island from someone
>Said it was a spinoff from the Ubuntu restaurant that's a bit cheaper and faster
>Walk to restaurant
>It's a hole-in-the-wall place, one that you'd walk by every day and not know it was there
>Front window has a mouse sillouette on it
>Step inside
>It's got a nice blue and gray theme
>There are simple tables with chairs surrounding them, and a window where the waiters go up to ge the food from the kitchen
>There are a couple patrons, but most of the tables are empty
>Sign says 'Please Seat Yourself'
>Pick a random table
>Waiter comes up with a menu
>It's basically the same as Ubuntu's, but with different default sides
>Order a basic burger with 'non-free cheese', whatever that is
>It comes with steak fries
>"Can I swap the steak fries for sweet potato fries?"
>"Certainly! Anything else?"
>"No, that'll be all, thanks."
>Waiter walks off
>Sit there a bit
>Notice the table's a bit wobbly
>"Hey buddy, try this"
>Guy at another table's walked over and handed me a shim
>Kick it underneath one of the feet of the table
>Wobble's gone
>Waiter comes back with burger and fries
>That was fast
>It's a basic burger on a plain white plate with fries
>Way simpler than Ubuntu's weird Tile interface
>Burger was delicious
>Wait for waiter to bring me check
>Waiter never comes
>Watch as someone else just straight up leaves after finishing
>When in Rome...
>Stand up to leave
>See someone else notice their table's a bit wobbly
>Pull shim out from under table
>"Hey, try this"


>Chatting with buddies
>"Hey, have you tried that Xubuntu place?"
>Random guy walks up
>"Xubuntu's the shit. I love that place."
>Random guy walks off
>"Basicaly what he said."

Anonymous Mon 12 Oct 2015 10:28:33 No.50774305 Report

>Go to Firefox Resturant
>Leave because I waited an hour for my food.

>Go to Chrome Resturaunt
>Leave because they want to watch me eat

>Go to Internet Explorer Resturaunt
>They pour ranch dressing on the table