The Legend of Chippo Man

Anonymous 2016-03-05 23:25:59 Post No. 672375548 Report

Quoted By: >>672376124 >>672376680 >>672379174 >>672388448 >>672388450
Greentext story time.

(All true events that happened tonight. Typing on phone so be patient)

>be me, working part time job at local chip shop (britfag)
>small town in countryside
>people come for miles for this chippie
>best one in the area
>busy Saturday night shift
>really shitty evening but need that money.png
>finish taking someone's order and look up at the door
>ohshit.gif
>literal line of autists. Tards, and downeys.
>their "carers" thought it would be a nice Saturday treat
>busiest shift of the week
>a crocodile line of 13 Tards approach the counter
>look at coworker eyebrows raised

>cont?

Anonymous 2016-03-05 23:29:33 Post No.672375991 Report
cont im bored and want to read greentext

Anonymous 2016-03-05 23:35:00 Post No.672376680 Report
Quoted By: >>672377449 >>672377595 >>672377690 >>672383589 >>672388450

>>672375548

>first Downey approaches the counter
>put on my most winning customer service smile
>"good evening sir, how may I help you?"
>poshbritishvoiceoverload.mp3
>"CHIPPPO" screams tard A
>slams wallet against my till
>hundreds of pennies come spewing out
>wat
>whole shop is silent apart from the tards all lined up
>look pleadingly at their minders/carers
>"they will be paying with their pocket money!" A perky younger one pipes up
>ohgod.exe
>try to treat him like a human being
>even though he is full potato.gif
>"what size chips would you like sir? Small, medium or large?"
>boss watching me carefully
>shit you not, tard lifts his fucking shirt to reveal a huge extended stomach
>"BIG CHIPPPO FOR TÈEEEEE"
>Begins slapping stomach like a bongo
>look at his carers
>they clearly don't give a shit and shrug
>I look back at tardo no.1

Hand trying out on phone. Not prepped. Bear with me guys. Got 13 Tards to get through. Anonymous 2016-03-05 23:42:00 Post No.672377595 Report
Quoted By: >>672378744 >>672383304 >>672388450

>>672376680

>say fuck it
>put him down for a large
> autists still rubbing his belly almost seductively
>"anything else?"
>he turns almost in slow motion
>opens drinks fridge we have in the shop
>throws out 4 rows
>cans all over the floor
>fucking hulk mode
>spent an hour stacking this fridge
>kid grabs one can from floor and slams it on counter
>it's a Dr pepper
>kid starts screaming "DOCTORRR"
>I put it through the till as quick as possible
>say the price to him and hope to God he just leaves
>it's something like £3.50
>STARTS THRUSTING COINS OVER THE COUNTER
>not just thrusting. Throwing.
>all copper coins
>mfw he pays in 2 and 1 pennies. Hundreds of coins. Stashed in his wallet. Bag. Hat. Jeans and I shit you not his
shoes.
>TARD carers act like this is normal.
>spend 5 mins getting him to pay the right amount

More incoming my good people

Anonymous 2016-03-05 23:50:01 Post No.672378744 Report
Quoted By: >>672378889 >>672379031 >>672379691 >>672385252 >>672388450

>>672377595
Tard A sort of calmed.

>look up
>there's 12 of the hungry faggots still to deal with.
>this job doesn't pay me enough
>killme.webm
>tard 2 is a super human creation
>full potato face
>but like 6'4 tall
>I'm 6'2 and this tardo made me feel small
> he doesn't want chippo
>this monster wants...
>"PEEEEEEEEEE"
>THE TARD HAS A THICK GLASGOW/TARD HYBRID ACCENT. THIS IS HOW HE PRONOUNCES PIES.
>"what type of pie would you like sir?" I say kind of taken aback at this new super mutant fallout 4 looking ass Scottish tard piss fetish mother fucked with the voice of Alvin and the chipmunks
>he deliberates

Going as fast as I can. Someone screencap this, never going to retell this on 4chan probably.

Anonymous 2016-03-05 23:56:00 Post No.672379691 Report
Quoted By: >>672379972 >>672380042 >>672380503 >>672380668 >>672388450

>>672378744

>Tard decides on steak and kidney pie
>little more sane than his partner in crime.
>or so I thought
>this one
>he pays with a £50 note for a fucking 1.50 order
>wat
>he then turns to me and says "r u chippo man?"
>leans in real close
>"where chippo cum from"
>this hilarious fucking northern tard chipmunk voice
>resisted the urge to say "potatoes like yourself"
>boss pissing himself laughing
>the queue is literately up the street.
>it's taken me 15 minutes to deal with TWO of them
>busiest night all month

Continuing

Anonymous 2016-03-06 00:01:22 Post No.672380503 Report
Quoted By: >>672380580 >>672381587 >>672381613 >>672388450

>>672379691

>am officially chippo man
>king of tards
>every tard now refers to me as chippo man
>colleague pissing herself
>next kid slides up real smooth and says
>"chippo man. Want sausage. Big sausage"
>carer intervenes "you don't like sausages davey" she says calmly
>tardrage.exe
>"SASSAGGG NOWWWWWW"
>I calmly reply
>"just the one sausage sir?"
>tard stops screaming
>looks me dead in the eye and says
>"5 sausage. I don't like bad lady chippo man"
>I die a little inside but send the order
>will continue this tards adventure in a bit, he pays normally
>he doesn't become interesting till the chippo man gives him his sausage

Anonymous 2016-03-06 00:08:46 Post No.672381587 Report
Quoted By: >>672381695 >>672381776 >>672381860 >>672381942 >>672382250 >>672382652 >>672387134 >>672388318 >>672388450

>>672380503

I'll try and make this a little more Shortform. Or thread will die.

>the rest of the potatoes continue ordering
>some fag tard was insisting I could do him dog
>kept Barking
>"YOU DO DOG WOOOF WOOF"
>boss actually dies laughing in the back where only I can see him
>queue of 30 or so customers now amassed behind tards
>some impatient
>some wishing they'd brought popcorn
> one tard trips on his way to the counter
>shock.mp3
>"are you OK? "
>"yes chippo man"
>LICKS THE FUCKING FLOOR
>Just kind of stare in amazement at the potato lying on my floor trying to give it fellatio
>wishing I could fry all these potatoes into chips
>midget tard approaches...

First greentext story that's my oc. Doing alright?

Anonymous 2016-03-06 00:15:37 Post No.672382652 Report
Quoted By: >>672382822 >>672383261 >>672383774 >>672383793 >>672386725 >>672388450

>>672381587
>Midget tard is mute. He just points at what he wants.
>when I don't understand what he's pointing at gets physically distressed
>jabbing at thin air
>"pineapple fritters? Burger? Chicken? Curry sauce?"
>midget tard panicky with each wrong guess
>mounts the counter.
>MOUNTS THE FUCKING COUNTER.
>I HAVE A MIDGET TARD ON MY COUNTER, WAVING AND GESTICULATING AT THE FOOD
>find out he wants mayonnaise.
>All that fucking effort for mayo
>make mental note to disinfect counter
>tard takes bottle of mayo
>pays
>opens
>drinks it like it was lemonade on a hot August day
>ALLOFMYWAT

Continuing. And I wish I had to exaggerate. I got a 50 quid bonus in cash for handling them tonight it was that bad.

Anonymous 2016-03-06 00:22:36 Post No.672383793 Report
Quoted By: >>672384146 >>672384465 >>672384907 >>672384961 >>672385092 >>672388450 >>672388819

>>672382652
>Get mole man midget potato off my counter
>look for his carers
>the two of them are outside having a fag break
>left me in charge of potato herd
>fml.exe
>the next tard I like to call
>potato bro
>he is pretty chill
>still a tard
>but makes an effort
>tries his hardest bless him
> he apologises for midget tard
>feel a lil better about the tards
>have a plan
>lean in and quietly say
>you can be a chippo man for a day, if you keep your friends quiet
>hand him a chip scoop I have behind me
>this was genius
>kids eyes light up
>"me chippo?"
>"sure thing"
>Christmas came early to potato bro
>looks around
>he spanks midget tard with scoop and tells him off
>"U ROOD TO CHIPPO"
>Have to take scoops off him
>pretty worth tbh

THE CHIPPO TRAIN NEVER STOPS

Anonymous 2016-03-06 00:30:57 Post No.672385092 Report
Quoted By: >>672385510 >>672385511 >>672385656 >>672385939 >>672386070 >>672386665 >>672388450

>>672383793

>Some of the tards are easy to deal with
>fly through next 4 orders
>tard 8 or something comes along (idgaf which number, just highlighting the exceptional tards)
>he waddled
>leans on counter
>oh god that smell
>smells of human feaces
>turns out this kid had a nappy
>and he'd messed it
>kid scratches arse under trousers
>Hands over the £5 needed for the transaction with this hand
>I bet you can't fucking guess
>of course you can
>there's some shit under his fingernails
>the stench is magnificent
>such close proximity
>I look at my boss
>my coworker is in shock
>I let him have food for free
>nope.exe
>kid waddled outside to smoking carers
>"OH GOD JERSEY NOT AGAIN "
>Audible through the glass

Anonymous 2016-03-06 00:41:07 Post No.672386665 Report
Quoted By: >>672387010 >>672387313 >>672387901 >>672388450

>>672385092

Should explain that some orders can be handed over instantly. But we cook all of our fish and batter to order, so it tastes as good as it can be. So some of these tards are waiting around for their food still. Including sausage potato.

>next few tards come through
>difficult but manageable
>one screams and spits at me when I tell him we've sold out of saveloys
>slides slowly down my cheek
>wipe face and continue
>impressing boss
>looking for raise in salary
>the second from last potato monster arrives
>this is one twisted tard
>very deformed
>eyes not really in the right place, one practically on forehead
>no idea what he had
>looked like the thing from the goonies
>he is Irish
>think how Brad Pitt talks in guy richies "snatch"
>combine it with tard speech
>combine it with looking like the deformed mess from the goonies
>"Uuuhhhh... iferwun chippo mentwoways softcremarlwords "
>WTAF
>Potato bro actually understands horse jockey tard
>relays actual English to me
>wants 7 haddock
>LOLWAT
>roll with it
>desperate to get them out now. It's been 30 minutes.

Anonymous 2016-03-06 00:50:31 Post No.672387901 Report
Quoted By: >>672388030 >>672388139 >>672388147 >>672388365 >>672388366 >>672388605 >>672388644 >>672388856 >>672389202 >>672389631 >>672389751

>>672386665

>last tard. Not last post, we got more boys and girls.
>last newcomer is dull
>if I wanted to kill myself I'd climb to the number of his chromosomes and jump to his iq.
>nearing the point of wanting to now
>he wants a portion of chicken nuggets
>seems normal
>then he says
>"chippo man"
>I lean in to hear this magnificent beast of Allah's creation
> "wrap each nugger alone chippo"
>Twelve nuggets
>each to be wrapped in paper
>individually
>its like I'm being trolled or smth
>i try and argue and he says
>"WRAP ALONE CHIPPO MAN"
>don't argue with tards
>tard pays and retreats
>5 of my finest tards still waiting in the shop for food

>other customers gratefully run to till after a wait
>boss says to me
>"move over to wrapping, you started this job, you're going to finish it"
>Now I'm purely assigned to sending out tard food.
>potato for potatoes

Continuing Finale coming soon boys. Going to post a selfie in the end so you can identify your lord chippo man <3

Anonymous 2016-03-06 00:59:41 Post No.672389202 Report
Quoted By: >>672389952

>>672387901

This is the time I found out. The tards. Had an agenda.

{Greentext|>begin finalising the potato cannibalism >neatly wrap it all >even 12 nuggets Individually >I take pride in it, I'm good at it >neatly hand wrapped 7 haddock (entire battered fish ) >5 sausages >you know the drill >hand them over one by one >most thank "chippo man" >small applause from the actual human beings in the shop >that's when it kicks off}}

I need to stress this to you. Whilst you have no reason to trust me. Every single one of the events I've portrayed happened. All I did was play with the wording to make it sound better.

{Greentext|>carers come inside to collect tards >"jersey" is in tow still stinking >woman drops fag onto my floor and I lose it >"WHY DON'T YOU PICK THAT UP YOU IGNORANT UGANDAN SCROTUM TICKLER, DO YOUR FUCKING JOB AND LET ME DO MINE IN PEACE" >blame her and other male carer >tards not to blame for shitty carers putting them here >that's when it happens...}}

CONTINUING

Anonymous 2016-03-06 01:17:31 Post No.672391947 Report
Quoted By: >>672392297 >>672392925 >>672395145

>>672389698

Welcome back my glorious turds.

>tards look around in shock as I berate their overlords.
>applause and cheers from other Britons in shop
>woman begins to babble excuses
>"you don't know how hard it is"
>don't ease up
>that's when it happens
>a whole fucking haddock is thrown at the man beside her
>by none other than our potatoe friend
>bewildered I look around
>"CHIPPO RIGHT" SCREAMS POTATO BRO
>oh god what have I done
>world war z, tard edition is reenacted in my shop

Last one next

Anonymous 2016-03-06 01:23:33 Post No.672392925 Report
Quoted By: >>672393119 >>672393170 >>672393197 >>672393359 >>672393618 >>672395145
File: image_17.jpg (157 KB, 770x730) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google] image_17.jpg

>>672391947
>infividually wrapped nuggets now used as tard grenades
>sausage bro unsheaths his mighty sausage and screams "I don't like sausage"
>takes a bite, spits it at her, then uses it like a floppy sword
>haddock comes out of fucking nowhere. Battered and all. Still hot fro. Fryer.
>followed by another
>he doesn't even care where he's Aiming
>tards chant chippo man
>I sit back in amazement and wonder
>6'4 tard breaks down crying in a weak Scottish accent
>Irish tard babbling at nobody
>people running from the shop
> walk the dinosaur
>polixe actually called
>and more tard carers called

Was gonna make this the last one bit some fag impersonated me. More coming

Anonymous 2016-03-06 01:28:25 Post No.672393618 Report
Quoted By: >>672394012 >>672394087 >>672394099 >>672394686 >>672395145

>>672392925
>Other tards storm into shop, it's getting insane
>not America so can't be physical
>CHIPPO man can be heard all the way down the street
>3 rozzer cars turn up and a minibus with some more carers.
>Shop looks like a bomb went off
>batter everywhere
>paper everywhere
>tards being tactically extracted
>rolled out like potatos
>original two carers being taken in for questioning.
>mfw
>boss sends me home with £50 in cash on the spot. (Not tree fiddy)
>got home, started writing this thread

One more post. A followup with face.

Anonymous 2016-03-06 01:36:07 Post No.672394686 Report

Quoted By: >>672394810 >>672394890 >>672394893 >>672394897 >>672394918 >>672394955 >>672394968 >>672394994 >>672395056 >>672395090 >>672395124 >>672395132 >>672395168 >>672395221 >>672395262 >>672395279 >>672395370 >>672395374 >>672395381 >>672395398 >>672395419 >>672395441 >>672395454 >>672395472

>>672393618

Not a greentext but closure. This happened in a small rural community in the south of England and may even be on the news tomorrow. Would love to see a fully edited screencap of my time this evening. Glad you all enjoyed it as much as I did. Although the actual work is fucking hell. You have no reason to believe me, but I'll swear on any or mother that this is real. All I did was make it worded better, no changing of events.

Source

https://randomarchive.com/board/b/thread/672389698#p672389698