The Catfish Man Strikes Back
Thread 1
Anonymous(OP) Mon 15 Feb 2016 18:07:59 No.669159724(OP)
Gather round faglords for a story you will remember. I am a kissless faggot virgin that no girl wants turned super villain. You know my name. Call me Catfishman.
Day 1
>setup catfish account
>girl messages me about “Netflix and chill”
>thing is I got no Netflix or chill
>reply “I would love to bae”
>she asks for my address
>give her my asshole neighbors
>”ok on my way!'
>20 mins later hear car drive up
>peer out my blinds
>see this hoodrat latina bitch
>neighbors wife answers
>huge screaming ma. ensues
>”MARKI GET YOUR ASS UP HERE”
>my ass off as Mark
>this 50 year old uptight fag has to confront his assumed hoodrat mistress
>looking all stressed innocent over-exaggerating everything
>that’s what you get for mowing your lawn at 9am Mark,
>That's when the Cattshman sleeps
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2015 18:10:04 No.669160009
Day 2
>the phone at the bar rings
>I'm catfishing this hot raven haired chick, in a blue dress
>"I'm at the bar ;)”
>"I don’t see you, where?” she replies
>she walks right up next to me looking up and down the crowded bar
>put my shades on even though its night, walk away, then make a call to the bar
>”Sorry... my wife’s phone just died, but she's at the bar, can I speak with her?”
>"Yeah what's her name?'
>"Cat, Cat Fishman, she's in a blue dress… tall… looks Mediterranean...”
>”Is there a Cat Fishman here? I got a call for a Cat Fishman.”
>hear bartender, "Hey Cat Fishman, I have your husband on Me line”
>hands her the phone
>she looks at him confused "I'm not Cat Fishman…”
>I'm laughing my face off as she hesitantly puts the receiver to her ear
>put my jacket over my phone to muffle it “no... but I am… Gotchya bitch”
>play theme song
>http://vocaroo.com/i/s0TysPn9odvT
[Expired, kept for archival purposes]
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 18:17:23 No.669161031
Day 3 – screenshot 1
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 18:19:29 No.669161326
day 3 – screenshot 2
I lured this one uptight girl to Arby’s and had a Little fun. Little did I know it would cause huge problems for me down the line. If you guys are interested I’ve got more, just keep this shit alive.
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 18:21:18 No.669161593
Day 3 – screenshot 3
>catfish this one girl
>tell he I’m not into high maintenance girls
>she says shes not
>you can go to a fast food restaurant with me as a first date MI know its true'
>she agrees
>stand her up
>make fun of her
>she calls the cops on me
>that's when the shitstorm happens
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 18:29:08 No.669162814
Day 4
>horny older bitches are always messaging my accts
>ifs kind of ridic how horny these old hags are
>write back to one I call Cyclops Coug (cause she never had any face pics on her profile)
>but dayam she like to talk dirty
>she's DTF
>tell her I’m kinky as fuck
>she says she's even kinkier
>says she's in to lots of kink like pegging
>she sends me a dropbox link with a porn she made (will include next post)
>red flags
>start remembering about how day 3 girl called the cops
>thought it might have been the cops giving me a malware tracer
>so I never clicked on it
>2 days later she invites me to an orgy
>figured it was a fucking sting operation
>so I never show up
>she sends me a pic saying "your loss idiot my pussy is so tight”
>“Nice try officer roastie”
will post dropbox link next post keep bumping
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 19:31:26 No.669163131 Report
Quoted By: >>669163345
Thanks, newfags need to learn of catfishman.
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 18:32:50 No.669163345
>>669163131
I was beginning to think no one remembered me. Keep bumping. We need something more on /b/ besides get treads. Be careful of this dropbox link. Let me know what it is if you click it though
Anonymous Mon Feb 2016 18:34:23 No.669163552
>>669163345
Lel I'm not checking that shit I don’t want the cops rolling up to my place
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 18:36:16 No 669163816 Report
Day 5
>catfish every tumblrina with dyed hair
>”I love your hair! lt's so unique!'
>say it to literally 20 girls
>”thanks that's why I got it”
>set up 6 dates © the same time
>1 red ham planet, a ging, a bleach blonde, 1 asian with green hair, a blue rocker, a. a purple weebo
>a veritable ho rainbow
>”I'm here!” they text with delight
>”be right there cutie ;)!”
>walk into coffee shop with a guitar on my back and my little nephew, and niece holding my hands
>Catfishboy & catfishgirl
>we got matching CFM shirts (more on those later)
>almost lose my shit when nef goes, "woah checkout those wacky hairs, guys!”
>all 6 sat @ different tables
>they look up for a sec
>I think 1 noticed the spectacle she was apart of
>order 3 hot chockys and then go right outside the coffee shop to busk
>5yr old niece is big into singing and loves buskers and I promised her I’d take her out one afternoon
>Niece asks me what song we should do
>“How about my favorite?” I say as I finish texting all 5 girls random insults
>she yipees "I love that one!”
>"this is stupid" said my nef as he starts getting a little embarrassed with people walking by
>as I play guitar he just sits next to me, his arms crossed, looking fucking pissed/thug
>his younger sister starts cutely singing "True colors" by Cyndi Lauper
>"but i see yo true colourth shining thru, i see yo true colars n thats why i love uuuu"
>every time the chorus comes, me and catfishboy just fucking belt it
>people are dropping coins into catfishboys hat non-stop
>"we're rich!!" he screams
>the girls all leave around the same time
>all noticeably pissed off, one girls is even screaming on her phone about "that asshole"
>my niece and net screaming like alley cats into some of the girls faces as they beg for money
>"YOURE BEAUTIFUL LIKE A RAINBOW"
>the purple hair girl drops $10 into the hat
>I nod and say, "Have a nice day."
>she can barely keep in her tears
>because she wasn't having a nice day ;)
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 19:38:31 No.669164151 Report
Quoted By: >>669164698
y u do dis?
Anonymous (OP) Mon 15 Feb 2016 19:42:14 No.669164698 Report
Quoted By: >>669167427 >>669170374 >>669171467
>>669164151
Because I am an ugly kissless virgin that has nothing better to do.
Also this is the link to the cougar video
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 19:41:46 No.669164614 Report
Quoted By: >>669164901
>>669159724(OP)
Didn't read, fag imposter
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 19:43:39 No.669164901 Report
Quoted By: >>669165180 >>669165263 >>669168225 >>669170374
>>669164614
I swear, I'm the legit Catfishman.
Day 6
>I know what some of you are thinking...
>this cop thing is fucking bullshit
>cops don't give a shit about catfishing
>3 words. Online Fraud Unit.
>I had my first run in with the OFU
just a few days after being reported by that bitch Tanya
>catfishing this one hottie
>she's a 9 but she messages me...
>huge red flag
>super hot girls never send the 1st message
>ask her what she does...
>"I work at a police station"
>ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... fuck
>stop talking to her
>but she doesn't stop
>she pesters me for a date
>every day for 3 days
>if I say no
>they know somethings up
>because she's smoking hot
>they'll know I know if i turn down that pussy
>decide the best idea is to just outwit them
>tell her I'm out of town for the week
>"we'll touch base next week ;)"
>the next day I literally see a white van drive by my place 6 times
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 19:47:42 No.669165526 Report
Quoted By: >>669166242 >>669170374
day 7
>meet this 1 realtor bitch
>she's this fat looking pre-cougar
>dumb as bricks and just out of a long term relationship
>she tells me about an open house she's showing before our date on Superbowl Sunday
>get an idea
>hop onto my catfishwoman account
>instantly lure 5 arabic/brown dudes into my web of lies
>each 1 thinks they are meeting the realtor bitch at her house for a little gangbang fun ;)
>tell them to show up 5 minutes apart and to not mention the gangbang because I like to roleplay
>watch from across the street as 1st poo in the loo goes in looking all spiffy with slicked back balding hair
>and then another
>and another
>and another
>and another
>lol my face off imagining these dumb fucking dudes getting a tour of the house as they grab their junks
>trying to make it all sexual
>start to feel super scared what if they gang rape her...
>delete all traces of my accts and call it a day
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 19:52:19 No.669166242 Report
>>669165526
Holy shit lol
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 19:55:08 No.669166698 Report
Quoted By: >>669167020 >>669167038 >>669170374
day 8
>The best catfishes are the ones who instantly fall for you
>this one czech girl legit was talking about having kids with me
>it was psycho
>literally had spent maybe 2 hours texting her and I was her soul mate
>she told me she had a checklist of things she wanted in a partner though
>"let's hear them"
>"maturity"
>"czech"
>"a very good job"
>"I make 200k a year. Czech"
>"good looks"
>"baby you know thats a czech, I ain't some ug like CFM"
>goes on and on
>eventually set up date
>say I have reservations at one of the fanciest restaurants in the city
>like its 3 weeks booked
>she is so impressed
>says "i'm so nervous, I have butterflies not since my last long term bf"
>day of date
>what's the table under, I'm here early.
>"Walter Dankamems"
>"They don't have a table for dankamems"
>"What? are you sure? I think that's racist. It's 2016 people!"
>"no is it under a different name?"
>"Did you pronounce it right with your accent, DANKA ME-MES"
>"No I even showed them the spelling"
>"this is absurd I reserved a table for Dankamemes!"
>"I will wait for you to come sort it."
>30 minutes later
>"you coming?"
>"just parking my meme car now"
>30 minutes later
>she's calling me like non stop
>"I have been waiting over an hour are you coming or not?"
>"Czech mate bitch."
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 19:59:54 No.669167426 Report
Quoted By: >>669170374 >>669184353
day 9
>remember the hunger games catfish?
>I tried to re-enact it
>but right from the start things went funky
>it took me so long to find girls who were free at the same time
>so many flakes
>so many girls here are nurses, bartenders, etc working nights
>finally get my 10
>but then it happens
>this 1 transgender thai "girl" thats set to be 1 of the 10
>starts telling me that this rapist named Roosh is holding a gathering in my city
>look him up
>he's hated by tons of groups even Anonymous hacked him
>he believes in raping women
>and dropping them a peg or 2
>jesus fuck...the cops are already investigating me...
>I don't need them thinking I'm this fucker
>I'm not in it for the politics like this crazy fuck
>it's not about sending a message to women
>it's about the lulz
>since "she" might wrongly connect the dots, I politely cancelled date w/ lady boy
>down to 9 for the big date this evening
>go down to the restaurant
>spy from the street
>"what's the reservation under?"
>"Dankamemes, be there soon"
>see 3 girls waiting at the entrance
>excellent
>wait...
>they are talking to each other
>fuck
>they look pissed
>another 1 of the girls pops in
>a hot little blonde
>they immediately start talking to her
>the wind in her sails gets knocked out
>and she immediately leaves
>"low life" she texts me later
>look at my spreadsheet there's still 5 more girls
>why aren't they coming
>are 5 really flaking?
>that's like 4 standard deviations off
>text 1 "I'm 5 mins away... I'll come if you take a picture of you at the restaurant"
>"dear, I'm inside, just come."
>"You must think I am stupid. I know you are catfishing me."
>wtf
>text the others same thing they don't even respond to me
>what the fuck... someone tipped them off.
>how the fuck...
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:04:45 No.669168225 Report
Quoted By: >>669168764
>>669164901
Proof your the real one?
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:07:59 No.669168764 Report
Quoted By: >>669169820 >>669170160 >>669170374
>>669168225
Would a copycat have Catfishman tshirts made up? Or a Theme song?
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0TysPn9odvT
>if you really want to be a super villain
>you have to look the part
>rhino has his horn
>green goblin has his green mask
>venom has his black cum suit
>and CFM has office supplies with his logo on it
>about a week before #catfishmania
>nephew and niece helped me design a CFM logo for our club
>they think its "Cool Feline Monsters" a band name...
>their grandma thinks its cute
>Niece likes hello kitty and Nef likes monsters so we combined the two
>I had a bunch of CFM swag printed up
>Catfishman posters I hang up at the Uni
>catfishman mug I drink my hot chocky in
>catfishman stickers I put everywhere
>catfishman business cards I drop as my calling card after every catfish
>like the joker
>even have CFM shirts (as pictured) for me, catfishboy and catfishgirl
>there's no real point to this side story besides showing I'm 2 legit 2 quit
The copy cat questions though are legit, and you'll see why next post. Keep bumping please.
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:11:24 No.669169316 Report
Quoted By: >>669169509 >>669170764
Please put me in the screen cap :^)
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:13:01 No.669169582 Report
Quoted By: >>669170374 >>669180565
day 10
>next day I am trying to recap where it went wrong
>how did they they all figure me out
>it happens once in a while
>figure it might be this food scientist she's smart enough to figure it out
>then all of a sudden this one dumb bitch that never responded texts me
>It was Angie...
>"Got you bitch"
>what?
>Angie sends me this text (pictured)
>How could I have been so fucking stupid
>all the signs were there
>it was so obvious
>the pictures
>the things she said...
>I was just too focused I never stopped to think...
>maybe I was getting catfishes...
>he wasn't better than me
>his whole process is amateur as hell
>but he had this pure evil to him
>the fact he wanted to publicly shame my fake profile
>in person
>he fucking shares his real life picture
>to mock me
>to mock his victims
>he has no regard, no remorse...no anything... he is the mad catfisher
>shows that he's a different kind of villain
>he's a new breed
>one without a code
>pretend to be too dumb to comprehend and give him the win
>but my business with this faggot isn't over
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:18:27 No.669170483 Report
Quoted By: >>669170764
SCREENCAPPING THIS SHIT [Thanks Anon ~ B.A.]
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:18:35 No.669170499 Report
day 11
>remember Zoo girl?
>the one I catfished twice at the zoo?
>she was back on okcupid
>got her number in 3 messages
>set up date
>"I like to meet in person, sending messages back and forth isn't my thing."
>she agrees
>we text for a bit
>trying to think of a good place to stand her up again...
>I couldn't could I?
>lol...
>no one's that stupid...
>"It's going to be warm tomorrow, want to try the zoo?"
>2 hour gap in texts
>"No sorry I've had a bad experience there with a first date."
>lol
>"Ok, lets just go grab a coffee at the next best thing...a place called the Milk Tiger Lounge"
>she arrives looking incredibly sexy
>she sits at the bar for over an hour
>texts me a few times without a response
>the faggy bartender pays for her drinks and then she goes
>"You could have at least told me you weren't coming..."
>"Huh?"
>"I waited at the bar for an hour..."
>"sorry the zoo keeper wouldn't give me a day pass."
Anonymous (OP) Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:22:24 No.669171135 Report
Quoted By: >>669171524 >>669171763
day 12
Things are going to start getting fucky. I started noticing myself changing. It wasn't just hijinx and lulz it started getting creepy as fuck.
>match with fat girl on tinder
>get her # in 2 texts
>#pantrydropper
>she compliments my rando male rugby player pic
>"you're so hot"
>"thanks babe."
>set up coffee date like usual
>she gives me her address instead
>"I don't want coffee. I want you. ;)"
>"Why not both??"
>"Come over and find out. I'm horrrnny;)"
>"Why not both?"
>"just come!"
>"k"
>go to her house 5 hours later when its dark
>glue a picture of the rugby players face onto a coffee cup I found from the garbage
>not my dna so fuck all y'all cops monitoring this thread
>I put stick arms and stick legs into it
>cross out the dudes eyes to make it look out of true detective s1
>drop it on her door
>knock
>run like hell
>text her, "I'm here. ;)"
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:26:17 No.669171678 Report
Quoted By: >>669171932
day 13
>at parents house for dinner
>everyones a couple except for me
>because nobody loves catfishman
>nobody
>Step mom goes out of nowhere, "Anon...have you tried that tinder thing?"
>start getting jittery...
>"uhhh uhhh"
>"It's really easy, Anon" says my sister as she grabs my phone from the table
>fuck fuck fuck
>she notices I have it
>"Haha... looks like someone's been allready swiping"
>my whole family starts clapping
>feeling so embarassed
>"Lets see what girls you've...."
>sister puts down the phone
>Tinder is just displaying the fake model pic I am using
>everyone gets up to look what the big deal is
>the whole room is quiet as fuck
>can hear my little nephew and niece playing in the other room
>everyones staring at me
>they know...
>I get up and leave
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:29:14 No.669172107 Report
Quoted By: >>669177710
day 14
>I basically approach zoo girl the exact same way as before
>just with new catfish account
>old one got banned lol
>almost line for line
>"As much as I like swapping messages, I'd rather see if there's a spark in real life."
>she agrees
>we text for a bit...
>"Lets grab a drink."
>"Sure! Where were you thinking?"
>"Ever been to the Milk Lounge on I think its 8th"
>she doesn't respond for 4 hours
>figured she finally figured it out
>"Ok sounds good."
>"But can you send me a selfie of you"
>The instagram I am jacking all the pictures off of has a million selfies
>"Here I am, just reading!"
>if you recall she had her cop friend go with her to the zoo last time she suspected foul play
>so I was expecting that
>but instead when I walked passed the window 30 minutes into the date
>she was there alone
>no cops
>no police cars
>my scanner was picking up nothing on the catfishman...
>she was just waiting in there again...hopeful that she wasn't single anymore
>tell her "Sorry I got a better date. I wasn't that attracted to you tbh fam"
>watch her break down and cry in public at the bar
>feel a little guilty
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:33:53 No.669172790 Report
Quoted By: >>669181485
I'm compiling the bigger stories, while you wait here's the kind of brazen shit I do. I basically admit I'm a super villain to girls and they think I am joking since i am so hot rofl.
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:39:10 No.669173556 Report
Quoted By: >>669174315 >>669175801
day 15
>most girls when they get catfishes this hard
>they give up
>they delete their accounts and go on with their life
>not zoo girl
>she was still on
>I felt bad for her...
>by this time I knew a lot about her from all the previous catfishes
>kind of Facebook stalked her aswell
>she moved here from Ireland for a job
>has had no one
>she's alone... like me...
>start to actually like her...
>use normal dude account to catfish her
>just a normal looking dude
>she accepts and we plan the date
>this time she outright chooses the venue and time
>go to a coffee shop
>she's there looking amazing
>35 mins in she realizes she's stood up again...
>she's about to cry...probably at her absolute lowest in her life
>but thats when I grow the biggest balls known to man
>I sit down at her table...
>"I saw this in a movie once...you were looking so sad by yourself, hey I'm Anon."
>we literally talked with each other till closing time
>her irish accent is so amazing
>I don't know if it was just because she felt so alone and that there were no pauses in our talk
>but she said, "we should do this again...and gave me her number."
>I almost died when I pulled out my burner phone and put in the number that was already in there
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:39:52 No.669173658 Report
Posting in epic bread
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:40:44 No.669173796 Report
Quoted By: >>669174534 >>669178167
I know all of you think this is bullshit so here's some texts in this album between me and Zoo girl.
http://imgur.com/a/mYkHz
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:46:47 No.669174716 Report
Quoted By: >>669174969 >>669181807 >>669182907
day 16
>remember day 6 cop girl?
>The one pictured
>remember how I had a plan for the faggot "Angie" who catfished me?
>I text the cop girl
>"Hey, I'm finally free!"
>we set up a date for the next day...
>meanwhile my sister finally texts me
>"What's going on?"
>"Why are you doing this?"
>I ignore her until she calls
>"It's not normal...normal people don't go catfishing women... what are you even doing? Do you go out with them?"
>I can't even talk to her...
>she texts back again
>"Please...just talk with me, where are you?"
>text her an address: 1202 1 St SE, Calgary
>"ok wait there, I'll be there in 20 minutes...please just talk with me."
>20 mins later
>"I'm here bro, where are you? Are you inside?"
>as soon as she texts me, I turn my lights on and drive out of the Arby's parking.
>you can't reason with me sis...
>I'm in too deep
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:47:41 No.669174868 Report
Doing gods work catfishman
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:49:22 No.669175146 Report
Quoted By: >>669175653 >>669182933
>>669174534
You fucked up Kirk! Why the fuck didn't you block that out? loloololo
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:49:55 No.669175241 Report
What a glorious second coming of the CFM
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:50:35 No.669175344 Report
Quoted By: >>669175684
oh fml, twitter raid. you fucked up big time punkass
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:52:53 No.669175672 Report
I'd suck CFM dick for $5
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:52:59 No.669175684 Report
Quoted By: >>669175925 >>669181208
>>669175344
>solucky
>soblessed
She's going to dump your ass when she sees this lol you fucking retard. She's actually pretty hot too
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:53:29 No.669175748 Report
I sincerely hope these anons don't fuck this up for you catfishman
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:53:49 No.669175810 Report
ITS 100% REAL OMFG
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:54:32 No.669175925 Report
>>669175684
DUUDDE SHE A FINE AS WHITEBONE, YOU BETTA HIT THAT SHIT MENG
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:54:43 No.669175953 Report
Quoted By: >>669176030 >>669176308 >>669176854
>be me
>at home
>On /b/
>secondcomingofcfm.exe
>Tumblrtards on thread
>Think they have something to get him with
>Catfishman is catfishing them
>mfw
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:55:02 No.669176007 Report
Quoted By: >>669176324 >>669176414 >>669179455 >>669181417
Guys, I'll continue this story if you please don't bother her. We have a good thing going. Please don't make her pay for my mistake. We're happy.
Here's proof of the day 6 cop girl
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:57:37 No.669176378 Report
Why the fuck would you want to fuck with cat fish man? I've been reading his shit for years. Leave him alone, you neet faggots.
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:57:49 No.669176414 Report
>>669176007
STREISAND EFFECT YOU ASSTARD
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:57:58 No.669176438 Report
>mfw life is now ruined for catfishman
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:58:34 No.669176540 Report
Fuck you anons don't ruin this for him!
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:59:16 No.669176644 Report
FIRST I WITNESS THE SECONDCUMMING
THAN I RUIN CATFISH MAN
#BLESSED
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:59:17 No.669176651 Report
TELL HER TO DELETE TWITTER NOW
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 20:59:22 No.669176666 Report
Quoted By: >>669176743 >>669176830 >>669176849 >>669177165 >>669184301
WE JUST GOT CATFISHED BY CATFISHMAN
WHAT A LEGEND
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:00:30 No.669176854 Report
>>669175953
The CFM is way too meticulous to do something like not block out a Twitter name. I think this could be his greatest fish ever.
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:00:35 No.669176871 Report
Quoted By: >>669177255
day 17
>cop girl is at Blink restaurant
>I'm wearing my catfishman t shirt, with like 4 t shirts underneath to look fatter
>so they can't pinpoint my build
>have a fake beard and wig on
>wearing a fedora and glasses
>walk by
>spot the girl inside
>take pic related
>text it to her 5 mins later
>cop cars start swarming the area
>sneak out through the alley
>later that night
>I text her:
>"hahahaha you'll never catch me bitch... you'll never catch me"
>and then I sent her the copycat picture..."Angie"
>the one he sent me...
>lol
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:01:41 No.669177085 Report
Quoted By: >>669177349 >>669177843 >>669179504
>Implying that catfishman is nothing less than perfect
>Tis not mistake it is a calculation
>catfishman is actually samefagging the comments
>he has ascended
>he is now catfishing the catfish
>godhavemercy.jpg
Pic related
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:02:23 No.669177208 Report
>>669160009
That song is beautiful I am listening to it nonstop
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:03:44 No.669177452 Report
Quoted By: >>669177728
if i get baited im going to be fucking pissed.
cucked and catfished by the man himself.
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:04:21 No.669177564 Report
praise the CFM
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:04:51 No.669177646 Report
DONT KILL THE CATFISHMAN!
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:05:08 No.669177696 Report
Well fuck this shit
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:05:38 No.669177793 Report
Quoted By: >>669178014 >>669178344 >>669178534 >>669179817 >>669181714 >>669183432
>>669177255
I am OP. If you google search you'll see the city I have mentioned for the sisters arbys matches up to that restaurant. Here's part of a spreadsheet I use to keep track of dates.
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:05:54 No.669177843 Report
>>669177085
a true legend of /b/, ascending to a higher plane of conciousness
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:06:56 No.669178014 Report
>>669177793
omg a spreadsheet.
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:10:15 No.669178534 Report
>>669177793
>Do you see the fishtank?
>Cause I'm in it
Fucking yes
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:10:26 No.669178565 Report
>>669178111
>>669178223
No. I have seen her once though at a bar called the Ship & Anchor. She was with a boy. I got really jealous when I saw him I tried to figure out his name so I could steal his facebook pics and post them on okcupid or pof and then send nerd girl an anon email (I figured out her work email last year)
Let me finish this story
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:10:56 No.669178651 Report
Quoted By: >>669178915 >>669179004 >>669179085 >>669179474
>Catfishman first proved himself
>tumblrtards think they dun found him
>notice they have been catfished
>fadeaway
>what if Anons, Catfishman has been every single other person in this thread
>what if, you are the only other person here
>Catfishman has now unlocked the world
>We have gazed into the abyss
>It now looks back us
>Yfw you realize that God has been catfishing in a catfish in a catfish in a catfish.
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:11:23 No.669178735 Report
Quoted By: >>669179329
i need a CFM shirt, sell em op
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:14:34 No.669179243 Report
JUST WITNESSED THE GREATEST INTERNET EVENT
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:15:01 No.669179329 Report
>>669178735
just use the below pic it's the exact one 1 used. My Niece and Nephew helped make it
>>669163819
Give me a second guys my phone is ringing off the hook
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:15:45 No.669179450 Report
This is beautiful
You are doing gods work catfishman.
I love you catfishman.
Keep being our Messiah of Madness.
-Commissar_EyeCancer
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:15:47 No.669179455 Report
>>669176007
Catfish Man's got skills for days
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:23:06 No.669180695 Report
Quoted By: >>669180981 >>669181450
day 17
>The cops think the "Angie" copy cat guy is actually catfishman
>I literally have cart blanche to do whatever I want...
>so I start doing operation shoe head...
if I can figure out how to post voice mails I will
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:26:12 No.669181208 Report
>>669175684
She's hot as fuck, go for it, CFM.
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:27:35 No.669181417 Report
>>669176007
I'm rooting for you, go for it.
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:28:25 No.669181561 Report
Quoted By: >>669181778 >>669181817
toasting the the epicest bread
have my baby CFM
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:29:51 No.669181807 Report
>>669174716
Holy fuck bro you catfishman'd your sister. I hope you're proud
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:29:53 No.669181815 Report
Witnessed
CFM is a god among us mere men
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:29:55 No.669181817 Report
>>669181561
Meet me at the zoo for fuck.
Anonymous (/NOT/ OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:34:05 No.669182540 Report
Quoted By: >>669182751 >>669182762 >>669182797 >>669182851 >>669182855
You fucking assholes. Which one of you faggots told her? She's on the phone with me...I'm crying my eyes out...ruined the only good thing I've ever had
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:40:45 No.669183593 Report
Quoted By: >>669183753 >>669183877 >>669183952
Sorry haven't been able to write next days. Because Zoo girl is talking with me. I think she might know.
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:42:40 No.669183877 Report
>>669183593
Some whiteknight faggot already told her on Twitter I just saw go on here and see for yourself but you can easily make it better you're catfishman
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:43:09 No.669183952 Report
>>669183593
Wtf guys.... A good op and you do this to him? Why /b/ why?
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:43:36 No.669184015 Report
Quoted By: >>669184133 ok guys we're moving threads this ones about done
>>669182153
Thread 2
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:39:02 No.669183319 Report
Quoted By: >>669183503
If the guy in the last thread near the end is the real cfm then he seriously might be crying right now... Like a bitch
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:43:34 No.669184009 Report
So he blew his chance to get with an emotionnally fragile girl who was ready for any kind of bullshit?
She looked so awesome. All gone now.
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:45:42 No.669184370 Report
Quoted By: >>669184446 >>669184500 >>669184510 >>669184540 >>669184622
You guys fucked me over.
This is the real CFM by the way.
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:47:26 No.669184622 Report
Quoted By: >>669184719 >>669184720 >>669189755
>>669184370
An awesome op with awesome oc and you guys fuck him... /b/ doesn't deserve good content anymore...
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:49:00 No.669184857 Report
Check her twitter, some unfaithful faggot is screwing his life
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:49:54 No.669184990 Report
Quoted By: >>669185202
Fuck you guys. She's literally screaming at me over the phone asking her why people are tweeting her shit about the zoo.
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:50:00 No.669185008 Report
Quoted By: >>669185166 >>669185202 >>669189833
her twitter is getting bombarded.
I genuinely feel sorry for CFM.
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:51:20 No.669185205 Report
Quoted By: >>669185338 >>669185401 >>669185467 >>669185478 >>669192320
im sorry cfm.
im battletoads.
it was for the laughs
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:51:21 No.669185206 Report
i don't know if were being catfished or slowly killing that which we love
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:51:22 No.669185210 Report
poor CFM just wanted to find love
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:53:09 No.669185459 Report
Quoted By: >>669185688
Guys just tell her you're my friends playing a family day prank that's what I told her this was
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:53:40 No.669185526 Report
Quoted By: >>669185623 >>669185815 >>669185877 >>669185987 >>669186228 >>669187132
Just got here but look at the name on the account fools....Cat F.....man
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:54:37 No.669185666 Report
Quoted By: >>669185756 >>669185811
>>669185209
gosh darnit catfishman
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:56:51 No.669186036 Report
It's all literally a plot to get her to break up with her current boyfriend, he must've jetlagged conversations and bought 2 throw way phones to text back and forth to 'catherine'. He literally tricked you into trying to break up a 10/10 with her boyfriend.
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 21:57:03 No.669186070 Report
>>669185467
The /b/ giveth. The /b/ taketh.
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:00:13 No.669186559 Report
I mean come on, he put magnets on his PC. HE WOULDVE BLOCKED OUT THE TWITTER.
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:03:45 No.669187085 Report
Quoted By: >>669187251 >>669187298 >>669189863
Fuck you guys who are doing this.
live update
>Catherine called me asking me why people are tweeting her
>read the tweets
>fuck
>I fucked up
>tell her it's a stupid prank from my buds
>she kind of believes me
>told her to just turn off her twitter and come over and watch a movie
>"they are just initiating you into my life"
>she's coming over lol
You can't fuck me faggots. I'm the Catfishman
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:05:45 No.669187444 Report
Quoted By: >>669187547 >>669187700
I am torn here guys... do not know what to believe.
Is he my real god?
Is he an imposer?
Is the twitter real?
Is it him cat-fishing us?
Will the real catfishman please stand up?
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:09:10 No.669188043 Report
CFM is no longer a human, he has ascended as a new being, a God. We have been witness of the ryse of something that we can't acknowledge as true.
You will live for ever in our hearts, CFM
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:14:06 No.669188729 Report
Quoted By: >>669189304 >>669190119
New twitter photo. Interesting.
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:14:28 No.669188830 Report
Quoted By: >>669189130
CATFISHMAN HAS BEEN BTFO
IT WAS FUNNY AS SHIT WHAT HE WAS DOING BUT THAT UPPITY FAGGOT FINALLY GOT HIS COMEUPPANCE
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:15:32 No.669189031 Report
Quoted By: >>669189654
wanna know how we know that he's catfishing us?
blah blah blah
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:18:17 No.669189499 Report
Quoted By: >>669190136
>>669189408
CFM has reached new levels of bait.
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:22:10 No.669189956 Report
This is gonna be like the sad dog episode from futurama, I feel it
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:23:44 No.669190290 Report
>>669190072
Oh God here it comes. We've been catfished.
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:23:58 No.669190328 Report
Quoted By: >>669190461
"Gotchya Bitch"
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:24:17 No.669190371 Report
>>669189654
kek
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:24:32 No.669190410 Report
Quoted By: >>669190594 >>669190607 >>669190666 >>669190791 >>669191038 >>669191116
>>669191141
GOD DAMN IT CFM
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:25:59 No.669190666 Report
>>669190410
FUCK
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:28:40 No.669191116 Report
Quoted By: >>669191421 >>669191622
>>669190410
AND THE BASTARD DELETED THE TWEET
FUCKING REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:30:42 No.669191421 Report
Quoted By: >>669191513
>>669191116
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:31:20 No.669191513 Report
>>669191421
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:26:27 No.669190751 Report
day 18
>Zoo girl is nice and all
>but even when I was dating her
>I was catfishing
>I couldn't stop
>I was an animal
>see one girl on site
>guitar girl
>sweet sweet guitar girl
>she's the girl of my dreams
>really cute, blonde, plays guitar, heart of gold
>she's so kind she fucking took her wheelchairbound bud to disneyland
>about to message her
>listen to her soundcloud
>literally start crying my eyes out
>I'll never have a chance with her
>she's too cool
>I can't even imagine a girl like that with an ugly fuck like me
>I know Zoo girl just likes me for sex
>I'm not an idiot
>girls like that…
>guys like me...
>I never had a chance
>been that way since I was born
>villains never win
>you can't change that shit
>I just wanted 1 chance you know?
>1 chance to be happy
>but leopards cant change their spots
>and catfishmen can't stop the waves
>so I catfish the fuck out of her
>stand her up on the date
>I pretend I'm there "huh I don't see you what bar are you at? mixup?"
>"The Cat n fiddle"
>"you just got catfished n fiddled bitch lol"
>text her she's gross to make her cry the way I cried
>hope she hurts for just a sec
>because I will hurt for life
>why… why is the world so fucking cruel…
>I'm so sorry guitar girl…
>but, fuck it...
>I never had a chance with you anyways
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:26:43 No.669190791 Report
>>669190410
IT HAPPENED
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:28:00 No.669191001 Report
Quoted By: >>669191397 >>669191518 >>669191837
day 19
>next day I get a text
>guitar girl forgives me
>not sure why
>suspect she's trying to get info to report to the cops
>cause she wants to know my name and if we can meet
>"everyone deserves to be happy I wish you the best."
>I think she's the god fearing sort
>but everything she says melts my frozen heart
>"People don't do what you did unless they are hurting on the inside"
>tell her I did it for the karma… on le reddit
>but then for some reason I come clean thinking she blocked me, "honestly, you're right…"
>start crying because she is right
>she's fucking right I hurt so bad
>tell her how I'm an ugly fuck, what I do… how I am the cat fish man.
>how much it hurts to be and see happy couples
>she doesn't judge and then starts telling me how im not the only 1 with pain
>how her ex husband beat her so bad she was in the hospital
>how he'd degrade her and made her feel ugly every day
>she legit thinks she's ugly
>even though she's really one of the most beautiful girls I've ever laid eyes on
>"i haven't dated any in 2 years"
>I was the first date in 2 years…and I catfished n fiddled her...
>feel even worse, why did I do this to her…
>why is she being so nice
>stop being so nice to me…please
>hate me…
>go cry in the shower as I try and think what her angle is
>we text all night about life…you don' text at 4am to someone you don't like…
>she asks me never to do this to anyone else…
>to not be catfishman…
>I…
>to do it for her…
>the girl of my dreams
>I agree and text her a place we can meet up the next day
>and "talk about things"
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:31:17 No.669191504 Report
I cant do this anymore. The constant memeing and the baiting is something I cant handle. I must abandon thread. I wake up everyday in my shitty bed with my shitty life to shitpost things. But this? this is too advanced for me.
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:31:22 No.669191518 Report
Quoted By: >>669191779
>>669191001
FAGGOT ITS A HONEYPOT
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:32:03 No.669191622 Report
>>669191116
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:33:47 No.669191896 Report
>>669191517
If you end this whole charade with "mom's spaghetti", i am going to skin you alive CFM.
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:34:44 No.669192036 Report
Quoted By: >>669192194 >>669192416 >>669192582 >>669192600 >>669192649 >>669192688
>>669192714
day 20
{{Greentext|>next day >I'm in the parking lot >there are flowers in my car >picked them up cause I saw it in a movie once >I was ready to give it all up for her >but it don't matter >the police scanner I got from ebay has tons of chatter >the place is swarming with cops >see her waiting in the corner of the restaurant from window >by herself >she's fidgeting >she keeps looking over at 2 buff dudes a few tables away >one has an earpiece >I'm supposed to be wearing something red so she can see who I am >But I'm wearing my white Catfishman shirt and jeans >walk inside >look at my dream girl for a quick second as I scan the room >as I'm waiting I think what life would be like if I wasn't an ug >Maybe guitar girl and I coulda been happy >I wouldn't have been the way I am >I wouldn't be this fucking lonely super villain >I would have made her so happy >I'm tearing up a bit >"Hello sir, what can I get for you?" >order my roast beef sandwich, curly fries and a drink and then leave the arbys >"ksssh stand down, not the suspect, not wearing red" >as I'm leaving I slap a CFM sticker on the outside of the door >I'm staring through the window at guitar girl from my car as I eat my meal >I throw the flowers out the window along with the arbys bag of garbage shit >I mutter to myself like a retard as I start my car… >"Catfishman Forever."|
That's it boys. I'll include some bonus info and an AMA. I also have an epic catfish where I catfished an old woman for sooooo many texts. It's hilarious. If you want it I'll post.
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:37:24 No.669192489 Report
Quoted By: >>669192716 >>669192750
Gentlemen, this has been the most entertaining 2 hours of 2016 so far. thank you all.
LOL @ 'select all the fish'
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:38:53 No.669192714 Report
Quoted By: >>669197791 >>669198173
>>669192036
YOU ARE THE ULTIMATE VILLAIN THE ENDING WAS PERFECT CATFISHMAN FOREVER
gotta throw on your theme song one last time
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0TysPn9odvT
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:42:36 No.669193420 Report
Quoted By: >>669193832 >>669193857 >>669194156
>>669192621
Do it. I want there to be Catfishmen all over the world. All I ask is you use the logo and the symbol (.)< make it like a symbol of fear.
>>669192649
It wrecks the HD
>>669192688
Just these past weeks according to my spreadsheet: 104
Here is part 1 of the milf saga:
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:44:51 No.669193832 Report
Quoted By: >>669194119 >>669194305
>>669193420
Can you post a pic of the offical CFM sticker
Anonymous (OP) Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:46:27 No.669194119 Report
Quoted By: >>669194233 >>669194329 >>669194394 >>669194410 >>669194638 >>669194713
>>669193832
Gotchya fam.
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:47:35 No.669194332 Report
Quoted By: >>669194597 >>669194744
Idea here...
Let us all print out the CFM logo as either posters or stickers and put them all over our various towns.
Anonymous (OP) Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:49:01 No.669194597 Report
Quoted By: >>669194710 >>669195139
>>669194332
do it here's the logo file
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:49:38 No.669194713 Report
>>669194119
you better get a tattoo of this, fucker.
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:54:58 No.669195762 Report
Quoted By: >>669195905 >>669195947 >>669196205 >>669196848
part 2 of the long Milf saga it gets laugh out loud cringey funny dudes
Anonymous (OP) Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:55:53 No.669195947 Report
Quoted By: >>669197174
>>669195762
whoops sorry
album here:
http://imgur.com/a/pLrUo
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:56:28 No.669196057 Report
>>669195575
You sir are a god.
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 22:57:16 No.669196205 Report
>>669195762
Oh jesus Catfishman. I'm going to put a poster of you inbetween my Batman one and my Neil Patrick Harris one. You're my hero (.)<
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 23:02:31 No.669197174 Report
Quoted By: >>669197606
>>669195947
>can't wait to lick your sweet pussy
I can't believe you texted that, and she was okay with it.
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 23:06:18 No.669197853 Report
Quoted By: >>669198089 >>669198389 >>669198504 >>669198520
>>669197606
Did you see her bro? Did you see the guy she thought she was banging?
Here's the next part of the milf saga
last part will be the huge payoff
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 23:07:44 No.669198089 Report
Quoted By: >>669198347
>>669197853
Hurry up faggot fish man I'm fucking sleepy.
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 23:09:26 No.669198347 Report
Quoted By: >>669198550 >>669198947 >>669199064
>>669198089
http://imgur.com/a/SYmfS
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 23:19:00 No.669199870 Report
VIRGIN mobile phone makes it even funnier.
Anonymous (OP)Mon 15 Feb 2016 23:20:26 No.669200113 Report
Quoted By: >>669200270 >>669200358 >>669200379 >>669200396 >>669200403 >>669200526 >>669200533 >>669201016 >>669201353
CFM here, are you guys going to post it to le reddit? I am heading out soon but it would make lulz like mad if you included the milf saga.
Also if you could include this little speech of mine: I tried to get this thread started 5 times but every time this thing 404'd with 0 replies. Don't let /b/ become shit with only get threads. Bump interesting threads. I'm gone. I have to go put magnets on my computer now to not leave a trace.
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 23:21:59 No.669200379 Report
>>669200113
Good night Catfishman. We will wait for your return
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 23:22:08 No.669200396 Report
>>669200113
Real or not, your Legend will never die.
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 23:26:06 No.669201016 Report
Quoted By: >>669201198
blah blah blah
>>669200113
I will be waiting for part 3.
Anonymous Mon 15 Feb 2016 23:29:09 No.669201468 Report
(.)<
Sources
https://www.reddit.com/r/4chan/comments/462htj/the_catfishman_returns_blu_ray_edition_additional/ https://archived.moe/b/thread/669159724(OP)/ https://archived.moe/b/thread/669182153/
