Tales from IT

Thread 1

Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:21:00 UTC+1 No.537989407 Replies: »537989870 »537990586 »538004234 »538009116

I got hired by my Dad to do IT. I know very little about IT besides games. These are my IT stories.

>be first day
>woman asks me if I can install the latest version of adobe reader
>fuck ya I got this

>DL like a boss
>"Wow you're like a computer expert"
>"Well you know..."
>Asked to input admin credentials
>forget admin credentials
>try admin:password
>nopejpg
>"uhhhh... uhhhh... oh crap somethings going on with the server... be right back"
>3 months later she still doesn't have adobe reader

More?

Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:25:29 UTC+1 No.537989990 Replies: »537990181 »537990586 »537991061 »538000632 »538005631 »538009358

>be day 2
>angry guy is on the phone asking me about some weird in house program
>have no idea what the fuck he's saying
>there's a pause
>he's waiting for an answer
>think back to the IT crowd
>"Have you tried turning it on and off again"
>"Like restarting"
>"Give me a sec..."
>it fucking worked

Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:29:04 UTC+1 No.537990437 Replies: »537990802 »537996957 »538001173

>day 3
>hot sales rep comes in with laptop issues
>she's 9/10 cougar
>all flirty with me
>tells me she needs something updated
>can only hear her boobs
>her laptop smells like straberrys
>download adobe reader for her and hand it back

Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:33:46 UTC+1 No.537991024 Replies: »537991502 »537992334 »537996961 »537999125 »537999236

>day 4
>figure out how to turn off the servers
>when people start asking for help
>go into server room
>turn off servers
>come out oblivious and start downloading adobe reader
>eventually people start screaming
>THE SITES DOWN! THE SITES DOWN!
>"I'm on it!"
>run back to the server room
>play hotline Miami in the back for few hours
>turn server back on near end of day
>come out of server room
>wipe brow from face
>"I did it..."
>people are singing my praises saying i saved the day
>really just saved the girlfriend in HM

Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)20:49:03 UTC+1 No.537992985 Replies: »537993131 »537994992

>day 5
>run into cougar at coffee machine
>ask her how things are going, just a general statement
>instantly thinks im talking shop
>starts telling me all the shit wrong with her computer
>she doesn't see me as a human
>she sees me as an it
>tell her to drop off her laptop
>she does
>I upgrade her ie
>download adobe reader
>restart the machine
>everythings fucking working
>run it back to her
>fix my hair
>check my breath
>act like I saved the day
>she's in her office on the phone
>she motions to put on her desk
>I do...kind of linger
>"Is that everything hun?"
>leave
>hear her say "oh it was just IT"
>just IT
>that is all I am now

Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:07:05 UTC+1 No.537995276 Replies: »537995863 »537996374 »537996510 »538003364

>day 6
>really bored
>decide to download a gameboy emulator and play some pokemon
>the webfilters blocking it so I turn it off the whole thing I dont just whitelist it, I turn it all off
>get to emulator site but now I need to turn off the antivirus
>use the admin which I now know to do it...
>end up turning off the whole antivirus settings on the server
>download my emulator and rom
>play my game
>guy comes into my office
>"I think I caught I virus"
>me "gotta catch em all"
>by the time I'm facing Misty 4 people have viruses

Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:12:16 UTC+1 No.537995969 Replies: »537996586

>day 7
>same guy that was yelling at me day 2 is yelling at me
>he cant remotely log in just as I am about to leave to go home
>"Try turning it off then on again then call me back"
>go home

Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:17:35 UTC+1 No.537996668 Replies: »537997456 »538000370 »538009753

>day 8
>guy call from day 7 calls back
>he's pissed
>tells me he lost a client because of my stupidity
>"shit happens man. I lost to team rocket like 10 minute ago"
>"what the fuck are you talking about?"
>click

Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:24:52 UTC+1 No.537997654 Replies: »537997961 »537998938

>day 9
>one of the printers is out of toner
>some fat guy tells me to change it
>"its a toner man... can't you change it? I'm working on this huge issue with the server"
>was really downloading steam
>"it'll take a second... god I have much more important stuff to do... that's why you're here"
>sigh and go do it
>can't figure out how to fucking open the fucking cartridge door
>start hitting it like they do in zoolander
>tell the poor mentally challenged guy in the mail room I have a special job for him
>he has to hide the magic egg in the chest of Hewlet Packard
>go back to my server business
>half an hour later the fat guy comes into my office
>"What the fuck did you do to the printer?"
>"Changed the toner"
>He just starts shaking his head and muttering shit
>we walk over to it
>the mailroom guy jammed the cartridge in the wrong way and actually lodged it in there so half of it is sticking out
>the door cant even close
>there's black hand prints all over the printer too
>Can feel the guy judging me so I just spew bullshit
>"Looks to be a probably with the network."
>the printer was down for over a month before I figured out we have a printer guy on call

Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:36:30 UTC+1 No.537999228 Replies: »537999356 »537999386 »537999617 »537999839

>day 10
>have to set up projector in the boardroom
>cant find a thunderbolt to hdmi cable to hook it up to lazy to go to the store
>dont even have a corporate card either
>tell the people needing the projector that there's a compatibility issue with macbooks
>they use some guys dellbook
>the files from the mac end up not running on the dellbook
>call me in mid meeting
>all these business people staring at me as I am randomly clicking folders as fast as possible to look like I am pro
>download adobe reader
>double click files
>works
>"Thanks Anon, you saved me"

Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:44:31 UTC+1 No.538000403 Replies: »538000602

>day 11
>there's a new hire
>no one fucking told me anything
>get screamed at that theres no computer for this new person
>go in back to see if we have any spares
>there's a few
>but there's also some really old pcs from like the early 90's
>boot it up
>works
>set up new person
>everything lags
>you open adobe reader? massive fucking lag
>send out the computer
>"it's the best we've got on short notice"
>get like 40 sharepoint tickets the first day from that person
>he's a real stickler for help
>he ends up quitting the very next week saying he can't work under these conditions

Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)21:54:24 UTC+1 No.538001801 Replies: »538001991 »538002151 »538002582 »538003029

>day 12
>someones computer crashed
>fuuuuuuuuck
>set up computer
>remember something about profiles being saved on the network
>go back to the server room
>look at the server rack like a total idiot as I try and figure out in my head how this works
>tell the guy all his data is lost and there's nothing I can do
>"b-b-bbut my project... i have to present that to the board on friday..."
>"gone, man. It's gone"
>play sim theme park the rest of the day

Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)22:09:56 UTC+1 No.538003978

>day 13
>roll up to work an hour late
>whole office is in chaos
>fallofrome.jpg
>"HE'S HERE!"
>Go in to my office open up mail
>dozens of emails like:
>"Hey is there something wrong with the server I can't log in to..."
>"Any idea why the site is down I..."
>the server is actually down
>adobe reader can't save me now
>"Just go back there and do what you did last time!"
>everyone thinks its an easy solve
>literally shaking in the server room because I don't know what to do
>nap in server room for entire day
>people are pissed can hear them banging on server door
>we've missed deadlines
>leave at 6:30 pm
>the CFO sees me in the parking lot
>hes been in a meeting all day doesn't know about my struggles
>"You're still here?! That's the kind of can-do attitude I like to see"

Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)22:16:37 UTC+1 No.538004926 Replies: »538005196 »538005209 »538005270 »538005631

>day 14
>server is still down
>my dads asking questions
>everyone is pissed
>take an early lunch
>over hear some guys at the restaurant talking about buying a new modem for the office
>hailmary.jpg
>"Hey sorry to bother you during your lunch...but would either of you happen to be IT?"
>before either of them could read me the riot act and tell me something like how the fuck dare I
>I'm IT too
>I show them my hand that I scratched up crawling wire on the floor
>they nod
>"What would you try doing if your server is completely fucked?"
>"Have you tried restarting it?"
>I go back and restart the physical machine
>it fucking works

Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)22:22:06 UTC+1 No.538005784 Replies: »538006516

>day 15
>hot cougar walks by office looking distressed
>"Everything okay?"
>"Oh good... I cant log into my email... can you please help me... PLEASE"
>"I got you."
>get her laptop
>re-install microsoft office
>outlook works again
>poke through her emails to make sure things are working
>send a test file
>read the titles of her latest emails
>"Divorce"
>hand back her laptop
>"Looks like its working now"
>"Thanks..."
>"Everything okay?"
>"Well..."
>this is fucking it, tell me your sob stories cougar woman and then its on
>"My mouse is acting a bit funny, can I get a new one"

Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)22:33:21 UTC+1 No.538007465

>day 16
>one of the mailroom guy's monitors isn't working
>it's coming up all green
>backstory: there's been a huge misappropriation of funds because I gave him dual monitors just because he's a mentally challenged and I figured if anyone needs 2 screens its him
>all he does is look at msn slideshows
>and use the fedex webapp or something
>he's a nice guy so I actually try and fix it for him
>nothings working
>think its a driver issue
>think its a setting issue
>think its an actual hardware issue
>whole time people are coming to me with real problems but I keep saying "I'll be there in a minute"
>after 2 hours the mailroom guy goes
>"maybe da pug ish boken"
>I swapped out the hdmi cable with a brand new one
>it worked
>I officially am less adept at my job then a poor mentally challenged guy

Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)22:43:12 UTC+1 No.538008829

>day 17
>nice old woman who talks to me about sports tells me her keyboard is shit
>she's oldest person in the office by far
>old as dirt
>tell her I have just the thing
>go in the back and unbox a brand new keyboard meant for the programmers
>bring it to the old woman
>"You're such a helpful young man"
>reach down awkwardly to plug in the new keyboard
>get back up and dust pants off
>old lady looks like she's having a heart attack
>look at the screen
>it's fucking blank
>on my way back up to my feet I hit the power button
>she lost 3 hours of work
>3 hours that old woman will never ever see again

Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)18:17:40 No.538013416

>day 18
>company meeting
>were over budget
>there has been ridiculous spending
>"we've lost money for almost a month..."
>day 18
>almost a month
>they are going to out me
>IT budget comes up in discussion
>were one of 2 departments that are coming under budget
>"Great job Anon. I heard about the server issues here... you're the man"
>at the end of the meeting a 45 year old events planner asks me if I fix computers on the side
>"Not really..."
>"Oh... I have this one blasted thing that needs fixing. You couldn't just come over and fix it?"
>bullshit
>for a laugh I say, "yeah it's cool, just give me your address and I'll be over after work"
>not sure if I'm getting sex
>buy condoms
>she's not that hot like a 6/10 tops
>not even going to lie
>last call kind of hot
>arrive at her house
>ring the door bell while standing all suave leaned up against the door
>her husband answers the door
>shows me to the computer
>install the latest version of adobe reader
>get $20
>go home

Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)23:23:20 UTC+1 No.538014162

>day 19
>some guy crashes a program so I have to reinput the settings
>go onto his cubiclemates computer
>check settings
>2 hours later
>"You wrecked my computer...lwant my fucking computer back exactly how it was... I don't know what you did but somethings off...my usb drive is buzzing..."
>wtf
>I didn't do shit to your computer. I checked a program you open 20 times a day
>super pissed so I go back into the server room and play Thomas Was Alone
>hear knock on server room door
>it's the cubiclemate
>"Hey, Thanks for fixing it."
>"Fixing what?"
>"The my usb drive"
>I didn't do shit lol
>"Oh yeah... don't mention it"
Anonymous (ID: ZW6GgnJ3) 03/19/14(Wed)18:31:29 No.538015293
>day 20
>spend entire day cleaning the server room up
>getting it all nice
>just unplugging network cables Willy nilly so I can colour coordinate them
>people are losing their shit
>they are randomly getting kicked off
>tell people there are some issues with our isp
>I make sure to say I-S-P as I have now learned by speaking in abbreviations no matter how common makes you sound techy
>by the end of the day the server rack is all classy looking
>unfortunately I never mapped anything and a handful of people cant connect because their ports aren't connected to anything
>tell them the I-S-P will have it done ASAP and go home